Social Services lady follows me out of shop for raising voice at toddler

[raisedvoic]

My DS is 3 and a half.

We went to a shop yesterday and he was having the usual tantrums and throwing himself on the floor.

I usually do the ' validate feelings ' be there for them. Which is what I started off doing. Then I got a bit frustrated and said something like ' that's enough, we are going outside to cool off. You can't behave that way in here.' My voice was slightly raised and I suppose I seemed frustrated.

So I took him outside to cool off and a lady followed me out and told me off for raising my voice at my son. She said she was from SS and could now follow me. I said, go for it. Follow me wherever you like, I have absolutely nothing to hide. I also told her to mind her own business and explained that I don't usually raises my voice at him, but it just happened and he's fine and I'm fine etc.

I was quite shocked. Anyway she went away and that was that. So half a raised voice to a child now warrants this kind of shaming ? When they're giving babies back to drug addict parents who then end up killing them ?

I get it if I had been abusive or even been violent ( I never would ). But what I did, was really not that bad at all. I've seen worse in public.

She was probably just a random busybody. My mum got a similar reaction from a woman interfering with her when playing with my son. But my mum worked for the local social services and rattled off a list of people the woman could contact. It’s nice that people care but they can get a bit power crazy and take it up extremes. So long as you know you’re doing fine just dismiss her.

Social Workers wouldn’t just come up to you & confront you & certainly not over a raising your voice, they are way too busy to actively go looking for new cases,the only way a real social worker would have approached you (after having the shop’s security call the police & come with her) would have been if you had raised your hand & smacked your child or we’re dragging the child all over the place, this sounds like one of those weird people who like to stick their noses into people’s business for no reason other than to cause upset, I’m a kinship carer I got my granddaughter when she was 2&1/2 she is now 8yrs old & our social worker has heard the 2 of us arguing at the top of our voices would you like to know what she did? She messaged to say “I came for a visit today but heard the 2 of you so decided nope I’m not disturbing them so I just left & I will catch up with you later in the week” so I would just forget about it & live your life & always remember we all get frustrated at times it’s allowed we’re human

ohfook · Yesterday 07:09
I doubt she was from social services tbh. Just sounds like a random weirdo.

lol yes

She's full of crap. Did she show you her id? I guess not..

It’s not even called social services anymore so she was definitely a weirdo!

As a social worker myself....this. No way was she a social worker. Real sw's know they can not follow people home.

Yes she would have said Children’s Services and their thresholds are far too high to bother with that sort of incident. Unlikely that an Early Help support worker would even be interested..

Same , mines 20 now but his toddler years, fucking hell!

Like a completely different child once he turned about 5/6 though

I think if she was from social services, she might have asked if you were ok and needed any help, if she was going to intervene.

This.

Agree, busy body poking her nose in and lying. Obvs doesn't have children either.

I don’t believe she was from SS. I think she just made that up. Stupid woman. For god’s sake if you can’t tell your child off nowadays then goodness knows where things will end up.
Some days you just have too much going on and they push your buttons.
I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Yep. By the time she was at school she had completely changed. Gave me plenty of grey hairs in those first 4 years though. I spent a lot of time standing outside swearing and counting to 10 😂

🤣 it's funny how they change he's my second. The first was great until he hit he's teens then bloody hell. 2 more to go!

Social workers don't follow random people around in shops. Trust me.

She was my first. It's amazing I had another really! She was so much better almost as soon as he was born though and he was the easiest baby ever. I wish you good luck with the other 2

She was absolutely lying as she had clearly taken issue with how you raised your voice. No true SW or SS support worker would announce themselves in that way to strangers.

I wouldn't be concerned, there is no way on earth she was from SS - clearly a busybody trying to get a reaction.

Hope you are OK

Tell them off in public you’re a bad mother, leave them to tantrum you’re a bad mother. Some people just like to feel perfect. Just do what you feel right, it’s your child and you know them best. We all feel like we’re a bad parent at some point but we continue to raise strong and confident kids. They will always be someone to pull you down.

She definitely didn’t work for ‘social services’. I work in social care and it hasn’t been known as social services for a very long time. Also what you are saying wouldn’t concern me in the slightest, parents raise voices when needs be and I wouldn’t take a snap shot of a few seconds in a shop to see if your parenting was good enough. It sounds like it is and it sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job, parenting is tough.
If this happens again in future please immediately ask for ID and for their direct supervisors details. That should get them off your case, nut jobs!

I saw a man walking along with a child under his arm to avoid the flailing limbs and kicking as the toddler screamed and thrashed. His resolution and calmness were admirable. Sometimes toddlers tantrum but you still have to get to work/school/home. Your options as a parent are limited and the “go down to their level/talk to them/distract them” doesn’t always work. There are honestly occasions where snapping is understandable.

She’s not a SW, no one would disclose their profession if they actually did that job, it leaves them at risk.
Secondly, your comment about giving kids back to drug addicts who end up killing them is misinformed, SW’s don’t decide where a child lives, the court does.

Did I say it is unreasonable to tell off your child off. I said this incident should alert you to be more mindful. I know for fact that people do make vicious call to social services or if you live somewhere like in flat or somewhere without soundproofing someoneis more likely to call socially services because they can hear you etc

She was lying.

What a horrible experience. I'd best that even the most caring parents raise their voices to their children now and again, and, unless they are using violent or abusive language or hurting the child, I think it should be overlooked.

As other have said, I think it is highly unlikely that this person was from social services.