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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social Services lady follows me out of shop for raising voice at toddler

177 replies

raisedvoic · 05/07/2023 07:05

My DS is 3 and a half.

We went to a shop yesterday and he was having the usual tantrums and throwing himself on the floor.

I usually do the ' validate feelings ' be there for them. Which is what I started off doing. Then I got a bit frustrated and said something like ' that's enough, we are going outside to cool off. You can't behave that way in here.' My voice was slightly raised and I suppose I seemed frustrated.

So I took him outside to cool off and a lady followed me out and told me off for raising my voice at my son. She said she was from SS and could now follow me. I said, go for it. Follow me wherever you like, I have absolutely nothing to hide. I also told her to mind her own business and explained that I don't usually raises my voice at him, but it just happened and he's fine and I'm fine etc.

I was quite shocked. Anyway she went away and that was that. So half a raised voice to a child now warrants this kind of shaming ? When they're giving babies back to drug addict parents who then end up killing them ?

I get it if I had been abusive or even been violent ( I never would ). But what I did, was really not that bad at all. I've seen worse in public.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 05/07/2023 10:14

Some busybody nutjob. Ignore.

RoseAndRose · 05/07/2023 10:15

INeedAnotherName · 05/07/2023 10:06

Report either to SS and or non emergency police, surely it is an offence to purport to be a social worker and to claim you have the right to follow someone, or if she is she is abusing her position, this would surely go again

I agree with this. She needs to be reported.

IANAL but I'm pretty sure that it's not an offence in itself.

I think impersonating a police officer is. And there are moves to make it so for the military (including veterans) but that's not yet come to pass.

So it would be down to the general laws about passing yourself off as something you're not, which depend on what you're doing and with what intention. So if trying to enter someone's home, and maybe steal from them or whatever, or do things to con them in other ways, it might be criminal.

But in a one-off nasty remark, the "I'm from SS" bit isn't likely to constitute a crime. Threats to follow you might, but I'm not sure that one remark from a chance stranger is going to lead to police action. Unless OP can identify the person and they're Already Known

Wheresthebeach · 05/07/2023 10:18

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 05/07/2023 09:24

She must have been lying. They see the worst, they would not bat an eye lid at a parent reprimanding their child. I'd call liar or possibly works there in some non social worker roll.

If you have the time, I would report this to SS . Ask the shop for cctv, as you're in it you can legally ask for it. Report with a picture to either SS and or non emergency police, surely it is an offence to purport to be a social worker and to claim you have the right to follow someone, or if she is she is abusing her position, this would surely go again their conduct.

I agree report it. You never know what they were hoping for - someone more vulnerable could be misled.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/07/2023 10:19

ohfook · 05/07/2023 07:09

I doubt she was from social services tbh. Just sounds like a random weirdo.

This would be my guess. I'm a little sceptical that a SW would claim to have the power to follow you.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 05/07/2023 10:24

FlounderingFruitcake · 05/07/2023 07:08

I’d bet money on her being a random weirdo and having fuck all to do with social services.

This.

I'm a social worker (for adults). I've raised my voice in public to my dc when they were small.

Poundfoolishpennywise · 05/07/2023 10:30

She sounds like a lunatic, don’t worry about it.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 05/07/2023 10:37

Sunflowering · 05/07/2023 10:11

I had a woman claim to be from the RSPCA a couple of years ago telling me my dog was too thin (he's a whippet and not an especially thin one) and that I should fatten him up with chocolate buttons. Some people are just nuts.

Chocolate buttons! Shock Oh my days! 😂

CandlelightGlow · 05/07/2023 10:42

OP, please be assured that hearing a parent chastising a small child in a public place is extremely common. Nobody who is a normal person let alone a professional social worker would be interested in this. She sounds like a proper weirdo, especially the following you home part. I'd be much more concerned about a randomer following you home and might report that to 101, she might do it to other people with young children too.

Fraaahnces · 05/07/2023 10:57

I had someone claiming to be a social worker telling me that I was abusing my son when O was keeping him entertained in the trolley seat in the supermarket. I was poking his open hand with my index finger and he was trying to catch it - and squealing with laughter. She accused me of hitting him and started trying to get other “witnesses” to collaborate with her. I ended up asking if she’d forgotten her meds that day because she was so far off piste with her accusations she was lucky I didn’t call the police myself.

SpringleDingle · 05/07/2023 11:06

She was just a nutter!!

willWillSmithsmith · 05/07/2023 11:08

A good lesson is if anyone unexpectedly says they’re in a position of authority ask for ID. She sounds like the sort of person who probably puts a mountain of bread on the local green to entice hundreds of pigeons. (We have one of those).

Tanith · 05/07/2023 11:10

My God, people like this make me so angry!

Actual, real life social services are dealing with horrendous abuse cases every day. They do not simply approach you in the street, my lovely, and any official will always have identification to show you first.

Feel free to bite back! Demand to see their authorisation, to know their name - threaten to call the police and scare the daylights out of them! It's the only way to stop these people, who just get off with giving you a fright. Give them one back!

Spottedsox · 05/07/2023 11:15

Another person trying to save the world by talking bs without a bible?

Tanith · 05/07/2023 11:18

I don't believe you were behaving in a concerning way, either.
A concerned member of the public does not pretend to be from Social Services and threaten to follow someone!

PinkIcedCream · 05/07/2023 11:20

Definitely made up bollocks and I find it interesting that you automatically believed her.

I’m not saying you were wrong to do that, just that I’m naturally cynical so my immediate reaction is usually to disbelieve something until evidence proves the opposite.

A few years ago, my lovely DIL was accosted and told off by some old busybody when out with weeks old baby grandson and it really upset her. Luckily, I bumped into DIL in the same shopping centre and was able to reassure her that everything was fine and she was doing a great job. Must admit, I was hoping she’d spot the woman again so that I could have words!

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 05/07/2023 11:21

Complete nutter. Can you imagine if SS was actually stopping every time they witness a mum actually PARENTING their child? 😂

explained that I don't usually raises my voice at him, but it just happened and he's fine and I'm fine etc.
don't do that. Just stick to mind your own business or ignore her entirely.

VestaTilley · 05/07/2023 11:24

YANBU.

A bit galling too when orgs like the NSPCC are saying there’s nothing wrong with a man trying to breastfeed a baby.

Nanny0gg · 05/07/2023 11:26

Plentiful · 05/07/2023 07:22

But most people surely wouldn’t assume a random stranger who followed them out of a shop was the authority figure they claimed to be!

Show quote history

It's amazing what you do/how you react when you're stressed

wutheringkites · 05/07/2023 11:27

She was probably a vigilante mumsnetter tbh. I wouldn't be surprised to see a self-congratulatory thread about it later on.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 05/07/2023 11:27

You should have told her that you are Diana Ross and that this is a social experiment and that she is disrupting the vibe.

Holly60 · 05/07/2023 11:29

raisedvoic · 05/07/2023 07:08

She didn't show me anything and I didn't ask actually.

If that happens I'd ask for a name, line manager and office number. See what is said to that.

babyproblems · 05/07/2023 11:35

Wow I’d have asked for her ID and then made a complaint. If she’s not lying who on earth does she think she is??! I’d be freaked out and pissed off

mummybear2104 · 05/07/2023 11:37

Think she'll have been lying and not a social worker

WonderingWanda · 05/07/2023 11:37

She sounds like a busybody who was not from social services at all.

pontipinemum · 05/07/2023 11:46

AmytheDancingBrick · 05/07/2023 07:18

Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing? I’m sure we’ve all found ourselves in situations where we wish we done something differently.

Show quote history

Do you not put on your 20/20 hindsight glasses before leaving the house 🤓 others obviously do.

OP I think she was lying about being with SS. And yes I know on reflection you might think I should have asked for ID but I'm not sure I would have thought of that either.

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