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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:07

cuckyplunt · 05/07/2023 08:02

We’d have fucked up just as badly, given the opportunity to do so..

Really? On another thread, a mum is complaining that an older man who is volunteering along with her 15-year-old daughter is harassing her and asking if she is a virgin. You think older women generally spend their time harassing young boys? Or they would love to, but just don't get the opportunity?

I cannot count the number of times DD has been harassed by predatory older men.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:08

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:09

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Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:09

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That's definitely the same thing.

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:10

@Itsdecisiontimeisitnot early 20s but she looks very much younger.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:13

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Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:15

Deary me. You think women calling out male violence is nasty? or pointing out that women being kept out of education is cruel? I disagree.

IhaveanewTVnow · 05/07/2023 08:15

The comment about men being clever and inventing! I am 58, at school I wasn’t allowed to study woodwork or metalwork. I could study domestic science, sewing or typing.

we were not allowed to run a marathon until the 1980s!!!!!!!THE 1980s - just think about that. And now we are being kicked out of sport by transgender Women. Men just change the rules if we achieve.

SamanthaCaine · 05/07/2023 08:16

midgetastic · 05/07/2023 07:57

Tabitha Babbitt ???

Bravo!

Doingmybest12 · 05/07/2023 08:16

I'm interested to know ,if anyone has any stats or insight . Have the big issues/scandals in companies and organisations come to light following more woman being in higher up positions in these organisations ? Have things been noticed and acted on , people held to account more? I've just wondered this ? Not saying woman have a greater responsibility to sort things out but wondering if generally it leads to a change in culture .

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:20

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pollykitty · 05/07/2023 08:20

OMFG I feel this so much. I am so fed up with men. Lately I have been thinking about how much of my life was spent worrying about boyfriends and getting married and I want to cry. So many useless men who have life handed to them if they want it because they are white and male. Reminds me of a Louis CK (yes he is disgusting) joke about being reincarnated and being able to pick your experience: ‘I’ll take white and male.’ At least some men realize how lucky they are. I run my own business and recently was sent an email (not making this up) to propose a budget ‘with you doing 90% of the work’. I just want to punch the screen. So typical.

SamanthaCaine · 05/07/2023 08:22

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:03

The problem of course is that many women don't want to be engineers and do the work that shapes our world so heavily. The opportunity is there, there's just no interest, despite people like me visiting schools and doing outreach etc. I've done this for my entire career and it's made very little difference. The progress is glacial.

In my country of origin, India, women* *make up nearly 43% of the total graduates in STEM, but just 14% of scientists, engineers, and technologists. It must be because they are not clever and ambitious like the menz. ( sarcasm).

India has an incredible output of women in STEM and I've worked with some of them. Same goes for countries like Iran. Do the others not go into software or some other field than engineering?

We have a particular problem in the UK and don't think anyone has got to the bottom of it. On the mainland, France generates a lot more than we do, as do other EU countries. We seem to be service oriented.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:22

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Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:24

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Ok, but really I see that as minimising male violence. Why bring up internet aggression, as pp did, and women fighting with their MILs as examples of female nastiness? It's pointless deflection.

@Doingmybest12 I don;t know of any stats on this, but 60 women have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault and he is still walking around free. The same nearly happened with Weinstein. It's going to take years to change the culture.

Thosepeskyseagulls · 05/07/2023 08:24

I think in peace time in a developed and relatively safe society, women have more to offer. Where life is harsher or there is conflict, what we think of as hyper masculinity has an important role.

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 08:25

@SamanthaCaine The others end up staying at home looking after children and elders. Because... society! I assume it is similar with Iran.

pollykitty · 05/07/2023 08:26

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Yes. I realize that. Way to miss the point. Man in charge. Women do work. He will get paid for ‘being in charge’ and do very little. I’m not moaning about being paid to do work.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:26

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:27

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:27

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pollykitty · 05/07/2023 08:28

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I don’t think it is clear to you, actually.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:29

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 08:30

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ProudToBeANorthener · 05/07/2023 08:30

Will it take men the same time again that it’s taken them to get to their current state to move from the evolutionary Neanderthals that a lot of them are and become decent caring human beings? They don’t seem to have noticed that single-minded bloody-minded selfishness is no longer a requirement in 2023, except my DH who, of course, is (nearly) perfect as otherwise I wouldn’t have married him 😂😂😂😂 We should be all
out for revenge but we’re better than them and will settle for equality, for now 😊

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