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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women only want equality and not revenge?

314 replies

Kingcatnight · 04/07/2023 19:09

Admittedly at the end of my tether with men at the moment so possibly BU but honestly right now I'm really struggling to understand what the majority of men appear to have to offer the world that in any way compares to or competes with the (IMO generally superior) social graces, intellectual power, emotional maturity, problem-solving skills, creativity and overall increased pleasantness of women.

I've spent the past week on the road visiting clients, most of whom are white middle class men in their 50's, and having to feign amusement at various childish jokes involving innuendo (not aimed at me, thankfully) and basic, rudimentary word-play. Before anyone suggests it, these clients bring a lot of money into the business I work for so a frosty response or "calling them out on it" would be ill-advised and incredibly damaging to my employer (and me!) but ye gods I'm sick of the self-satisfied look on their smug faces while they wait expectantly for their pathetic jokes to land and for me to respond.

Spent an hour's train ride today sitting in a packed carriage opposite a man who snorted and cleared his sinuses the entire journey, forcing everyone around him to listen to the sound of the snot going down the back of his throat, all whilst reading the absolutely sickening news that the Taliban are further restricting the rights of women in Afghanistan by closing all hair salons. Hair salons which were already only operating after having spray-painted out any pictures showing female faces on their signage. Women in this country are literally no longer allowed a face, let alone access to basic care, education etc.

And at the other far more superficial end of the scale the past few men I've dated, having gone to great lengths to try and vet them carefully beforehand, have turned out to be self-absorbed, selfish lovers who have clearly always relied on the woman's verbal agility and efforts to carry the entire conversation, and who actually have no interest in women beyond having a captive audience for their own accomplishments.

Weekly I hear of various other male relatives, or husbands/partners of friends and colleagues who generally don't pull their weight and give themselves a massive pat on the back for simply being half-competent at their job whilst contributing very little to home life, while their female counterpart is expected to excel as an employee, mother, partner, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour etc.

I say this as someone who has a very generous, caring father, generally decent male siblings etc, so I am aware "not all men", but I genuinely look around me in amazement at the number of smart, warm, dynamic and impressive women in my life who vastly outweigh the equivalent men and on days like today I can't help but think men don't realise how lucky they are that women are still only striving for equality and haven't taken it upon ourselves to overthrow them entirely...

OP posts:
DisquietintheRanks · 05/07/2023 09:50

I'll be on it @Kingcatnight Right after I finish extracting revenge on white people and the British.

I'm sure you'll be cool at being on the receiving end - it's only fair.

Lentilweaver · 05/07/2023 09:53

Well, I am not white and I am not extracting revenge. I saw that as hyperbole on the part of the OP.

Tighginn · 05/07/2023 09:58

After the most shocking few years I have come to the conclusion that sex doesn't matter, everyone is evil, nasty pieces of work. Until the last week, I have never wanted revenge on anyone, that has changed dramatically. Nothing illegal, just truth telling.

Whatsun · 05/07/2023 10:25

WandaWonder · 04/07/2023 20:44

Ah the old women are saints and men are all terrible gets very old, women have choice (same as men) so make right choices and stop blaming everyone else

Neither of us are saints but one sex is responsible for the majority of violence in this world. I don't even blame men (in a way that I try not to blame anyone because we are all products of our genes and environments). It's kind of how we have evolved. We have evolved to be more nurturing, empathetic and less violent, etc to ensure the survival of our offspring. One of the sexes had to be.

I tell my daughter that if she should ever get lost and there is no shop or anything like that around the best person to approach is a mum with kids. The next best person is any woman. Men come somewhere at the bottom of that list. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being prejudiced or teaching her prejudice but I don't think I'm wrong (in my judgment of who is the safest to approach for help).

TrishM80 · 05/07/2023 12:09

I think this thread is getting derailed somewhat. Let's not lose sight of the OP's original point. A random middle aged white bloke blew his nose on the train.

What an entitled bastard!

midgetastic · 05/07/2023 12:10

There is no actual evidence that women have "evolved" to be nurturing though is there? Girls are taught to be kind form day 1

And rates violence by men vary so drastically around the world that it's pretty clear there is a large element of learnt behaviour in that also - the dominant factor clearly

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 12:19

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YouAreNotBatman · 05/07/2023 12:53

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Well, I guess it works for you, if you really don’t have any aspirations in life.
But it sucks for those of us who want to do something much more than being a broodmare and cry.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 05/07/2023 15:15

boobot1 · 04/07/2023 21:23

So what about Newton, Einstein, Shakespere, Tesla, Keats, Shelley, Byron, Michael Angelo, Da Vinci, Beethoven, Bach...... bring nothing to world.... er ok!

Ok
Now name the same amount of women who have brought as much or more to the world. I assure you they exist but I bet you've never heard of them. Women's accomplishments are not celebrated the same way as men's. I wonder why.

ProudToBeANorthener · 05/07/2023 15:28

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Me too 😊

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 15:58

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 16:04

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 16:04

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midgetastic · 05/07/2023 16:17

I know my pension has been badly affected by sexism

I got a massive pay increase when it was successfully argued that the women in the dept were being underpaid but it didn't occur to me to demand pension funds were also made up , because it was all such a shock

I know sexism has made my life a lot harder at work than it should be which is why I have never objected to "misgendering" that occurs frequently on international collaborations - and that's also how I can tell the impact of the assumption of your sex (in short it's much easier to get your point across if they think you are male. One email not a long chain with increasing levels of detailed evidence )

I know I was bullied at school because of who I am - because I wasn't "normal" in their eyes

But yeah it's all my personal fault

YouAreNotBatman · 05/07/2023 16:18

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Nope ☺️

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 16:24

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 16:25

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 16:26

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Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 16:26

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Meerkatdog · 05/07/2023 16:44

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Totally agree with this. I love being with my family, I love working part time, I love that I can choose to do whatever I want to do career wise but that it's equally accepted that I spend time with my kids and I can socialise with other women while I do so, which is very difficult for men if they are sahd's.
I love that I am the one that gets to carry children, give birth and breastfeed and that it's ok to be emotional and feminine. I would far rather be a woman than a man.

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 17:03

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YouAreNotBatman · 05/07/2023 17:14

Nah, I’m good Itsdecisiontimeisitnot
I’m not sure if the steing of messages was for me, but that was so naive, silly and condescending at the same time, you must have burst into a laughter after writing it!

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 05/07/2023 17:15

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YouAreNotBatman · 05/07/2023 17:20

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Very strange.

I didn’t know I had a follower, but anyway, you are wrong.
Hope that cleared things for you and you can now move on!

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