Mum doesn't want to know baby gender, AIBU?

[TuesdayWonder]

Currently in early stages of pregnancy. I was having a chat with my mum the other day and just happened to mention how I will probably find out the baby's gender when I can. My mum then got really annoyed saying well you won't be telling me or ruining the surprise for me and that she didn't find out with any of her pregnancies so she doesn't want to know.

I was quite shocked because I don't think she really has the right to demand that I go out of my way to keep this from her. If myself and my partner know the gender then naturally we may slip up saying things like "once she's/he's here" or have pink/blue items in the house.

Surely as a grandparent she has no right to demand not being told the gender? I can understand the disappointment if she wanted it to be a surprise but as it's not her baby surely she should respect my choice, AIBU?!

It’s sex not gender.

Congratulations. You're the 3000th person to say that.

I'm happy to get corrected if I get my facts wrong. Why would Mumsnet not want a mum-to-be armed (or any member here) with facts?

Though, as I said in a previous post, NHS staff are not helpful in this regard either.

What's wrong with a 'sex reveal party' anyway? What's so disgusting about using the word 'sex'? "I'm having a boy/girl" as opposed to "I'm having a non-binary two-spirit" baby?

The baby can pick their own gender when they're old enough. They can't pick or change their sex, though.

To me it would have been not finding out that would have been making a huge deal of the sex of the baby. The single best thing about knowing is that it stopped people trying to guess through old wives' tales and so shut down what was otherwise such a recurring and tedious conversation. In my trust they ask if you want to know the sex at the 20 week scan as standard; I didn't have to do anything special to find out and in fact would have had to deliberately look away for parts of the scan. To me deliberately asking not to know something that the sonographer knows anyway felt like the odder choice, and like a very artificial 'surprise' - we'd all have a lot more surprises in life if we turned down readily available information and closed our eyes to it! Whether or not I'd known in advance I can't see how meeting my babies could have been any more exciting and - if we're being judgy - I can't understand why some people think they might need 'a surprise' to make that a special moment...

I don’t disagree that the baby can’t change their sex. I believe there are two sexes and you are one or the other.
For me, it’s more that the OP is asking for advice on a specific situation that has nothing to do with gender theory and people are just correcting her language. My point about a ‘sex reveal party’ is that nobody would call it that... not that the word ‘sex’ is disgusting.
Language is certainly important, but I don’t agree that on the context of the OP, that her language should be picked apart.

Her question wasn’t “AIBU to say my baby has a gender rather than a sex”

Whatever the parents decide happens.

The party makes no difference regardless if parents have already told people they are expecting a baby. It’s just letting people find out the sex with them without being asked every time they see someone they know.

Well maybe if enough people say it then individuals will realise that it's sex not gender and people will stop believing that you can actually change your biological sex. Se matters. Sex is binary.

Gender is currently hundreds of different options and depends on how someone feels and can change from day to day apparently.

It's the massive push of big organisation trying to appease the gender borgs to use gender and not actual reality and biology SEX. It's why so many people are confused now.

John Money was very much at the heart of what the word 'gender' has come to symbolise. Don't research him or his connections or experiments it won't be good. Anyway... roll forward and now we have to think differently. It's not something I'm prepared to lose my feathers over. This was interesting though.
Sex vs Gender https://www.etymonline.com/word/gender