Mum doesn't want to know baby gender, AIBU?

[TuesdayWonder]

Currently in early stages of pregnancy. I was having a chat with my mum the other day and just happened to mention how I will probably find out the baby's gender when I can. My mum then got really annoyed saying well you won't be telling me or ruining the surprise for me and that she didn't find out with any of her pregnancies so she doesn't want to know.

I was quite shocked because I don't think she really has the right to demand that I go out of my way to keep this from her. If myself and my partner know the gender then naturally we may slip up saying things like "once she's/he's here" or have pink/blue items in the house.

Surely as a grandparent she has no right to demand not being told the gender? I can understand the disappointment if she wanted it to be a surprise but as it's not her baby surely she should respect my choice, AIBU?!

FFS a warning from Mumsnet and people still won't shut up about the stupid sex Vs gender shit.

Yes, this again.

Sex matters more when you're female. Everything from the pay gap to everyday sexism.

You can be any gender you want but you're born male or female sex. One of those sexes will have a more difficult life than the other.

If we want to make life better for future generations of girls we should not conflate sex and gender.

I just found out gender is second baby and immediately called my mum and told her!! Didn’t even think to ask if she wanted to know or not.

And my dr told me the gender was male….literally she’s the word gender and it’s on all my paperwork so I’m a bit confused by people correcting OP?

I'd find this very irritating, although I wouldn't see it as a burden. I'd just not really make much effort to try and hide it.

I could be tempted though to have a little bit of fun winding her up at first. I'd "accidentally on purpose" let slip the wrong sex. So if I found out I was having a girl I'd tell her it was a boy, and vice versa. I'd see how long it could be kept going. 🤣

I meant to add that it's OP's pregnancy and choice to know.

Finding out doesn't necessarily mean you are only going to be buying pink or blue. Just like not finding out doesn't mean that baby will only be in cream sleepsuits until they are 2.

Little bit annoying yes...a burden? No.

I worked in the NHS a few years ago and became increasingly annoyed and disappointed at the money being spent by the bigwigs trying to appease the gender woke.

Doctors and other staff are being trained at huge expense to use language that won't offend a very small population.

If we didn't toe the line we could be disciplined and even sacked in the case of repeat offenders.

I was relieved to leave.

What? wasn't there a thread recently where loads of us had this done to us by MNHQ! I am guessing it only goes one way. Can I use any terminology I like or is it only certain ones allowed?

I'd find it more than just a little bit annoying. It isn't something I'd be agreeing to at all.

Yeah, we get it. You’ve told us about a dozen times.

@agent765 were you not able to say gender or sex? Every dr I’ve had so far has said gender as far as I’m aware.

OP it’s your baby and your mum is being unfair x

This thread is wild.

People like to find out the sex of their babies. It's not a big deal, and it doesn't mean they are going to run out and grab every pink/blue item available to them.

Others prefer not to know, and that's great too. Doesn't mean their daughter won't be spending its early years playing with dolls in a pink bedroom, or their son won't be playing with tractors in their blue bedroom.

I personally found finding out to be best for me. With my first, because I had an horrendous first trimester, followed by a hospital stay early in my second, which left me feeling really flat and in need of a pep up. So, we paid for a private scan to find out.
With my second, it just made sense to me - would I get use out of the hand me downs in the loft or no? Plus, I figured if I'd done it for one, only fair to do it for the second.

OP - I've always written gender on here instead of sex and had it shoved down my throat a million times in one thread. @GCSister - thank you for helping me understand why. I always assumed it was about being woke, didn't realise it was about protecting women.

The baby will have a sex either boy or girl. Maybe she doesn't want to know what it is. I imagine the baby won't know what gender it will select and by the time it reaches it's teens there may be hundreds more genders, who knows.

However, sex is in the chromosomes. Gender is in the feelings.

Perhaps just pick them/they or it until it's born. Easier.

We all had to attend training sessions where we were told not to use sex-specific language.

'Sex' was to be replaced by 'gender' and we were supposed to avoid using words like vagina or vulva (though penis and prostate were acceptable). We were told that it was easier to point and say 'down there' to patients.

Not surprising. Many posters can’t even read past an OP first post on here so listening to moderators is unlikely.

I think it would he difficult to hide the gender from your mum too. Tell her that you will try to keep it from her but can't help it if you slip up. Congratulations op x

I also don't think most people are trying to correct OP regarding the sex/gender thing to be nasty (myself included).

It's not to ram sex/gender down people's throats either. I'm certainly not trying to.

JMO but I think posters genuinely try to be helpful. I'm a firm believer in learning something every day whether a scientific fact or a new way of seeing something from another's point of view.

OP has asked a question and has received a lot of responses. My response was to agree with her that it was her choice, not her mum's. I'm surprised at some of the responses saying otherwise but that's life. We all have a different way of seeing something that's frequently linked to our own life experience/view.

Either way, some people will have read these responses and wondered why the sex/gender thing was brought up, and others will be surprised there IS a difference. At least we're all learning something today. Or finding ourselves sick to the back teeth of same old.

Good luck, OP. Enjoy your pregnancy and do it YOUR way.

Don’t tell her then.

Oh and it is sex, not gender.

My parents didn't want to know. We didn't tell them. It's not difficult

@Meeting I stand by my comments. Gender reveal parties are as tacky as hell, a real American thing and what happens if the baby is miscarried?

Hasn't MNHQ already asked people to stop pulling OP up on her terminology?

OP this situation happened to a friend of mine. Her mum didn’t want to know the sex of her first grandchild because she never found out with her 2 children so told my friend she wasn’t allowed to tell her. It put a lot of pressure on my friend, to the point she couldn’t post about it on Facebook and had a neutral baby shower even though she really wanted pink for a girl. She wasn’t able to share the news with any family in case they told her mum.
All this might sound like not a big deal but she felt she couldn’t celebrate her first baby the way she wanted too. She said that is a big regret through her pregnancy.

At the end of the day everyone gets their own choice on this matter and your mum already had her baby / babies and got to make her own choice so she has no right taking that choice away from you.

MNHQ have already asked people to stop pulling the OP up on this.

On a side note, imagine holding a ‘sex reveal party’ for your unborn child 🤔