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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend a total CF and disrespected my house

311 replies

Bubbly8382 · 04/07/2023 05:57

Hi

Still fizzing about this and would like some perspective before I either bin this friendship or create further distance.

long and short of it I have a pal who I’ve known over 20+ years and haven’t seen since way before the pandemic.

Ask if they can come up to visit me in me for a couple of days, obviously not a problem.

Its a long trip to mine, 12 hour drive, and they decided to commute by car.

Things started off fine but a few things made my blood absolutely boil.

  1. Friend smokes, I don’t and my partner is trying to quit. No issue with them smoking outside, but Friend stood in door way with all internal doors open so smoke drifted back into house making it stink.

  2. Friend kept walking about the house belching loudly, when I said ‘excuse me maybe?’ They just laughed and continued doing it.

  3. We had a take away one night, fish and chips, so oily wrappers. I have a suede leather sofa (you can see where I’m going) They were given a tray but decided to put the wrapper on the couch, staining it with oil, obviously I was quite upset about it, and I just got a feeble apology and no offer to help clean it, just continued to sit there eating loudly and burping away.

  4. Last but by far the worst……
    Friend advised they would be leaving the early hours to get home, again not a problem, and agreed for 5am…… Friend decides to get up at 3am, crash around like a herd of elephants, crashed around the kitchen getting food

(For context the sleeping area in my home is the opposite end from the kitchen on the same floor, but you can close the internal doors and then no one is disturbed)

I obviously angrily got up and made a sarcastic comment along the lines of ‘You’d make a shit ninja’ to which they laughed and said ‘I wasn’t that loud’

My partner and I had work that day, needless to say we were exhausted with our 3am wake up!

Im livid, and I never want them to stay again or at the moment see them again!

AIBU??

OP posts:
Naunet · 04/07/2023 08:16

For everyone getting upset about the they…. It’s a male friend (sure there will be judgements about male behaviour now)

And this is exactly why its annoying. Not because of any trans bollocks as clearly some people on here have jumped to, this isn’t a trans person. The annoyance comes from OPs who pre judge the users here as sexist, so feel they should hide the persons sex to get ‘fairer’ replies. That’s annoying, if you can’t trust the people here not to be sexist, don’t ask here.

LIZS · 04/07/2023 08:19

If you are precious about a sofa eat elsewhere not on laps. She lacks manners but I doubt this is the first occasion you would have noticed it. Maybe she has a health issue and certainly food like fish and chips won't help if so.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 04/07/2023 08:19

Yeah this would piss me off.

However I'm the sort of person who would just have to say right there and then.

Especially in my own home.

"Pardon you, do you mind covering your mouth. It's disgusting"

"Please use a tray. The sofa is expensive and I don't fancy paying for a professional to come clean oil off of it when you have a tray"

"Can you please keep the noise down, we are up early for work"

"Sorry, but absolutely no smoking in the house. Can you go outside and also close the door"

Then just don't invite them to stay again.

RampantIvy · 04/07/2023 08:19

For everyone getting upset about the they…. It’s a male friend

It is to be hoped that he doesn't treat his wife like an unpaid skivvy.

Mikimoto · 04/07/2023 08:20

"Asked if they could come. Obviously not a problem".

Not a problem, but didn't really sound like you were dying to see them from the outset!

rainbowunicorn · 04/07/2023 08:21

PurpleChrayne · 04/07/2023 06:03

I'm confused by "they". Was it multiple friends? Just say he or she. It's hardly outing!

Using they is a correct use of English language and has been since way before the whole pronoun thing.
People who do the whole confused thing everytime this comes up just really show themselves up as having a poor understanding of the English language.

olympicsrock · 04/07/2023 08:22

ExtraOnions · 04/07/2023 06:12

  1. Did you ask them to close the external door, or, close the internal doors yourself ?
  2. Some people are windier than others, don’t really understand the problem
  3. if your sofa is so precious, why are you having greasy chip papers anywhere near it ? Chips should be on a plate
  4. You could just have gone back to sleep after they left. You made a passive aggressive joke instead of just asking them to be quiet, or, close the doors yourself. You could also have gone back to sleep.

This

DrManhattan · 04/07/2023 08:23

Smoking gross, belching gross - no idea why an adult would do this in front of people in someone else's home! I wouldn't invite this person again.

diddl · 04/07/2023 08:24

Some people are just thoughtless.

Seems obvious to me that if you're not going to smoke in the house you go outside & close the door.

Also that if you get up early you close doors & are as quiet as possible.

Cannot conceive at all of putting food in a wrapper directly on a sofa!

crazeekat · 04/07/2023 08:27

send bill for sofa clean from specialist x

TimesRwo · 04/07/2023 08:29

RampantIvy · 04/07/2023 08:19

For everyone getting upset about the they…. It’s a male friend

It is to be hoped that he doesn't treat his wife like an unpaid skivvy.

But he didn’t treat OP like a skivvy. If he did, her frustration with him would make more sense.

PeachesOnTheBeaches · 04/07/2023 08:33

My partner and I had work that day, needless to say we were exhausted with our 3am wake up!

I don’t think you should ever have kids then if you’re “exhausted” because you got woken up once.

Brefugee · 04/07/2023 08:34

Naunet · 04/07/2023 08:16

For everyone getting upset about the they…. It’s a male friend (sure there will be judgements about male behaviour now)

And this is exactly why its annoying. Not because of any trans bollocks as clearly some people on here have jumped to, this isn’t a trans person. The annoyance comes from OPs who pre judge the users here as sexist, so feel they should hide the persons sex to get ‘fairer’ replies. That’s annoying, if you can’t trust the people here not to be sexist, don’t ask here.

i didn't even notice the "they" until pp pointed it out. It didn't bother me even after that.

I did think it might be an attempt to cover the sex of the person, because despite the pp who thinks it was to tar all mn users as sexists, we KNOW that the replies would have been different if we knew from the outset that a man was burping all round the house.

As for the fish supper: OP explained more than once there was a tray and a plate. Instead of putting the paper on the tray and eating from the place, the idiot guest put the oily paper on the sofa instead of getting up and putting it in the bin. (OP knows now to put the food on a plate and not give people the paper, an expensive lesson)

CakeBeautifulCake · 04/07/2023 08:35

Some of these replies are crazy to me. I don't know anyone who would put a chippy paper directly onto a sofa, fishy stink on fabrics is disgusting.
"If your sofa is so precious..." 🤣🤣🤣 Can tell who the smelly house people are!

It's fair enough you're agitated. Small things he could have done, would have been far more civil than he was. Even someone with a strong resolve to quit would be abit woe about smelling the smoking wafting through. Belching is gross, I don't want to hear or smell someone else's digesting foods 🤢

As a guest, while the host is sleeping, OFCOURSE you should be as silent as possible. Ignore the weirdos on here OP, some people just like to dissect normal comments into something more scandalous of their choosing.

Kingsparkle · 04/07/2023 08:37

Brefugee · 04/07/2023 08:34

i didn't even notice the "they" until pp pointed it out. It didn't bother me even after that.

I did think it might be an attempt to cover the sex of the person, because despite the pp who thinks it was to tar all mn users as sexists, we KNOW that the replies would have been different if we knew from the outset that a man was burping all round the house.

As for the fish supper: OP explained more than once there was a tray and a plate. Instead of putting the paper on the tray and eating from the place, the idiot guest put the oily paper on the sofa instead of getting up and putting it in the bin. (OP knows now to put the food on a plate and not give people the paper, an expensive lesson)

Show quote history

Agree with all of this!

Brefugee · 04/07/2023 08:38

also to the "just go back to sleep" brigade. my DCs have grown up and left home (to establish my credentials as a previous bleary eyed owner of tiny DCs who don't care what time of day the crying is to commence).

If someone wakes me up at 3am - that's it. I'm awake. I'd definitely have said something like "you said 5, WTF are you doing". Then helped them on their way.

Prettylittleroses · 04/07/2023 08:38

CakeBeautifulCake · 04/07/2023 08:35

Some of these replies are crazy to me. I don't know anyone who would put a chippy paper directly onto a sofa, fishy stink on fabrics is disgusting.
"If your sofa is so precious..." 🤣🤣🤣 Can tell who the smelly house people are!

It's fair enough you're agitated. Small things he could have done, would have been far more civil than he was. Even someone with a strong resolve to quit would be abit woe about smelling the smoking wafting through. Belching is gross, I don't want to hear or smell someone else's digesting foods 🤢

As a guest, while the host is sleeping, OFCOURSE you should be as silent as possible. Ignore the weirdos on here OP, some people just like to dissect normal comments into something more scandalous of their choosing.

I find what’s “crazy” is not even reading the ops posts, when she’s clearly said it was on a plate 😂

SillyBilly1993 · 04/07/2023 08:41

I’ve been in the same position OP - a good friend of mine was inconsiderate when they stayed with me, and we had a big argument afterwards when I confronted them.

I really regret saying anything. It severely damaged the friendship and in retrospect my grievances seem petty. I would advise that you cool things off for a few months until you’ve calmed down, and just try to avoid having them to stay again!

mrsm43s · 04/07/2023 08:41

I dislike belching and smoking as much as the next person, but equally you already live with a smoker, and belching is just a normal bodily function, so I don't think I'd feel anything more than a minor sense of annoyance over it.

The fish and chip wrapper - well, we don't eat on the sofa, and wouldn't serve guests food still in it's wrapper, so it was very avoidable imo. I'd probably have put the effort in to serve a guest, who had travelled 12 hours to see us, a home cooked family meal, served at the table. I can't see how eating greasy food when sitting on a sofa wouldn't inevitably end up with grease stains on the sofa. I doubt it was deliberate on his part, and I'd just put it down to one of those things.

The early morning - presumably was necessary for him to get back at a reasonable time, and again, I'm sure not deliberate. You sound very passive aggressive about it. Yes, it's not nice to be woken up, but on balance he's done far more of the effort for this visit than you - you've had one early morning he's had two early mornings plus two 12 hour drives.

It just doesn't really sound like you like this friend tbh, so perhaps time to move on.

Toniii · 04/07/2023 08:42

Apart from the chip wrapper on the couch, this wouldnt bother me. Even the chipper wrapper I'd know it wasn't intentional. If you'd end a friendship over these things then the friendship mustn't be worth much.

Onthelow · 04/07/2023 08:42

I’m surprised so many people are bothered about the chip wrapper but not the smoking!

MRex · 04/07/2023 08:43

Prettylittleroses · 04/07/2023 08:38

I find what’s “crazy” is not even reading the ops posts, when she’s clearly said it was on a plate 😂

Show quote history

Schrodinger's chip wrapper. Simultaneously on a plate and on the sofa.

Original poster
Bubbly8382 · 04/07/2023 08:43

SillyBilly1993 · 04/07/2023 08:41

I’ve been in the same position OP - a good friend of mine was inconsiderate when they stayed with me, and we had a big argument afterwards when I confronted them.

I really regret saying anything. It severely damaged the friendship and in retrospect my grievances seem petty. I would advise that you cool things off for a few months until you’ve calmed down, and just try to avoid having them to stay again!

Thank you, I was going to speak to him but I think I will follow your advice, I won’t have him stay again.

OP posts:
MoggyMittens23 · 04/07/2023 08:44

@Bubbly8382 did you say anything at the time? Like you need to go fully outside with your fag. Or you need to put the chips on the tray or it will stain the couch? Or did you just watch it happen. People will take the piss if you let them. He sounds diseespectful

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/07/2023 08:45

Yanbu to be annoyed, although I don't think that they were being a CF, just very bad mannered.

As for the 'they' furore, have people really not grown up using the singular they? Some people on here act like it's only come into usage recently. I use it all the time, always have, and yet no one has ever told me that I've confused them with it.