Friend a total CF and disrespected my house

[Bubbly8382]

Hi

Still fizzing about this and would like some perspective before I either bin this friendship or create further distance.

long and short of it I have a pal who I’ve known over 20+ years and haven’t seen since way before the pandemic.

Ask if they can come up to visit me in me for a couple of days, obviously not a problem.

Its a long trip to mine, 12 hour drive, and they decided to commute by car.

Things started off fine but a few things made my blood absolutely boil.

1. Friend smokes, I don’t and my partner is trying to quit. No issue with them smoking outside, but Friend stood in door way with all internal doors open so smoke drifted back into house making it stink.

2. Friend kept walking about the house belching loudly, when I said ‘excuse me maybe?’ They just laughed and continued doing it.

3. We had a take away one night, fish and chips, so oily wrappers. I have a suede leather sofa (you can see where I’m going) They were given a tray but decided to put the wrapper on the couch, staining it with oil, obviously I was quite upset about it, and I just got a feeble apology and no offer to help clean it, just continued to sit there eating loudly and burping away.

4. Last but by far the worst……
   Friend advised they would be leaving the early hours to get home, again not a problem, and agreed for 5am…… Friend decides to get up at 3am, crash around like a herd of elephants, crashed around the kitchen getting food

(For context the sleeping area in my home is the opposite end from the kitchen on the same floor, but you can close the internal doors and then no one is disturbed)

I obviously angrily got up and made a sarcastic comment along the lines of ‘You’d make a shit ninja’ to which they laughed and said ‘I wasn’t that loud’

My partner and I had work that day, needless to say we were exhausted with our 3am wake up!

Im livid, and I never want them to stay again or at the moment see them again!

AIBU??

You’re confused by they? Really?

So because this guest was thoughtless and rude OP has NEVER to have anyone stay again? That’s a tad on the extreme side!

Someone you haven’t seen for over 3 years makes a 24 hr round-trip drive to see you for two(?) nights and makes a littany of social errors. I get why you found them annoying. I would have found them annoying too and all of them together and I would be questioning why I was friends with them. But at the same time there seems a disconnect - That’s a lot of effort they put in to coming to see you. And is this entirely new behaviour? Because it mainly sounds like they were just treating your home as their home and if that’s the case, since you know them, did you not know to expect this?

So I wonder about the context and how good a friend they were. But also, I see why you might not want to have them over again.

Your ex-friend is not house trained. don't invite them again.

Tota

Posted too soon! Wanted to say:
Totally agree. It’s impossible to tell from the post whether this is one person or a family of five.

Either way - it was nice of him/her/them to drive down and see you. They drove a ling way. However, it’s also clear that you have different lives and value different things. You’re definitely not suited as house guests.

Just don’t invite them again

Dont know whats wrong with other posters but yanbu!
who goes and stays with someone and smokes and burps all day in their house?? That’s disgusting!
it’s also perfectly possible to eat chips without putting the greasy papers ON the sofa, you keep them on your tray/plate.
i’ve certainly never managed to ruin mine/mothers/friends sofa as i keep the paper OFF the sofa and i always eat on there!
if i was woke up at 3am when i get up at 530 they would have been thrown out then

If they had a plate and a tray why were there even greasy wrappers in the room?

Friend kept walking about the house belching loudly, when I said ‘excuse me maybe?’ They just laughed and continued doing it.

Either people here are beaches, and can't see a problem with contaminating the living area with their stink, or they have never been with a repeated belcher.

It's fucking disgusting, once is forgivable, but more than that, makes me sick

Would you be OK with someone farting all over the place?

The only thing that wouldn't terribly bother me would be the belching. The rest is just rude and inconsiderate, so there wouldn't be a next time.

Yes, it’s the inclusion of the burping that suggests that — I can understand anyone would be annoyed by someone staining a leather sofa, or filling the house with cigarette smoke (though surely the OP should just have pointed this out and asked her to smoke further from the house), but for burping (mildly gross) to be included as ‘disrespecting my house’ is quite strange.

OP, find friends with better manners.

Your friend appears to have no manners or consideration for others. Some odd responses here probably from equally inconsiderate folk.

All the smokers I know do what you describe ie claim they don’t smoke indoors but stand at the back door and the whole house stinks anyway. They don’t care because they like smoking.

Your "friend" sounds uncouth but YABU for using a singular "they" pronoun and also for allowing chip paper anywhere near your suede sofa - if you had put the food on a plate and a tray why wasn't the paper in the bin?

The belching - a lot if people have gastro problems and would be belching after oily fish and chips. I'd have laughed about it with them and offered some gaviscon. No big deal

it's a big deal to me, it's like farting and although they sometimes slip out before you realise they're on the way - the polite thing would be to say "excuse me" Every flippin' time.

I would have asked them to leave after a day of this and the smoking, tbh.

OP they probably won't pay but I'd message them and say "it costs x to clean the sofa do you want bank details or paypal?". They won't pay but at least they know. And they'll probably avoid you after that anyway, so job done.

Well so am I, totally unnecessary to hide the sex of the friend, just bizarre to post so carefully avoiding it on a thread where it wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference.

Having said that OP, ‘they’ don’t sound like someone I’d be that keen on having stay either.

I'm not confused by it but I am irritated by it and how clunky it makes it read. It's completely unnecessary and distracts from the OP getting the responses to the actual situation.

^ This.

You're acting like you had absolutely no agency in the situation. Everything that happened bar the burping was in your power to control.

I agree with this. I had to make a point of creating a “smoking area” towards the end of the garden with a little chair and table and a plant pot for butts. Funnily enough people smoked less when it was raining. Thankfully all my friends have now quit.

Just admit you’re irritated by it then instead of feigning faux confusion! You any idea how irritating that is? Very!

Your friend sounds awful! Don't have her over again or would you say something?

I had a friend round recently for a play date, not someone I've known for so long, but I ended up wishing she'd leave as I found her a bit rude. This is so much worse!

The oily paper on the sofa is the only thing that would of made me angry. The 3am wake up would of annoyed me but I could get over it in theory. Just one of those things.

Agree that it sounds like you didn’t really want them there.

I did. I never claimed confusion.

It's not the worse thing I've read on here regarding guest behaviour. I would say more annoying than CF. Don't have them to stay again.