Friend a total CF and disrespected my house

[Bubbly8382]

Hi

Still fizzing about this and would like some perspective before I either bin this friendship or create further distance.

long and short of it I have a pal who I’ve known over 20+ years and haven’t seen since way before the pandemic.

Ask if they can come up to visit me in me for a couple of days, obviously not a problem.

Its a long trip to mine, 12 hour drive, and they decided to commute by car.

Things started off fine but a few things made my blood absolutely boil.

1. Friend smokes, I don’t and my partner is trying to quit. No issue with them smoking outside, but Friend stood in door way with all internal doors open so smoke drifted back into house making it stink.

2. Friend kept walking about the house belching loudly, when I said ‘excuse me maybe?’ They just laughed and continued doing it.

3. We had a take away one night, fish and chips, so oily wrappers. I have a suede leather sofa (you can see where I’m going) They were given a tray but decided to put the wrapper on the couch, staining it with oil, obviously I was quite upset about it, and I just got a feeble apology and no offer to help clean it, just continued to sit there eating loudly and burping away.

4. Last but by far the worst……
   Friend advised they would be leaving the early hours to get home, again not a problem, and agreed for 5am…… Friend decides to get up at 3am, crash around like a herd of elephants, crashed around the kitchen getting food

(For context the sleeping area in my home is the opposite end from the kitchen on the same floor, but you can close the internal doors and then no one is disturbed)

I obviously angrily got up and made a sarcastic comment along the lines of ‘You’d make a shit ninja’ to which they laughed and said ‘I wasn’t that loud’

My partner and I had work that day, needless to say we were exhausted with our 3am wake up!

Im livid, and I never want them to stay again or at the moment see them again!

AIBU??

But if you’re so resolutely non-sexist, why could you possibly need to know? Why is it such an issue for you?

It’s anonymous forum. On virtually every thread on this forum, posters could be lying about the gender of those involved (or even their own gender), plus ages, locations, timings… everything. If anything, a gender neutral pronoun is guaranteed to be honest in a way he and she are not.

CakeBeautifulCake · Today 08:35
Some of these replies are crazy to me. I don't know anyone who would put a chippy paper directly onto a sofa, fishy stink on fabrics is disgusting.
"If your sofa is so precious..." 🤣🤣🤣 Can tell who the smelly house people are!

It's fair enough you're agitated. Small things he could have done, would have been far more civil than he was. Even someone with a strong resolve to quit would be abit woe about smelling the smoking wafting through. Belching is gross, I don't want to hear or smell someone else's digesting foods 🤢

As a guest, while the host is sleeping, OFCOURSE you should be as silent as possible. Ignore the weirdos on here OP, some people just like to dissect normal comments into something more scandalous of their choosing.

Agree with above.
Agree with OP's objections to his behaviour. I would have asked him to close door when smoking tho'. Why should OP be used to smoke? Her DH probably smokes outside considerately.

No I confronted him about it, and like I said he just laughed it off. I’m not a horrible person and I wasn’t going to turf him out with nowhere to go so far from home, more fool me maybe, maybe I should have told him to sling his hook

This…

The sofa thing would have pissed me off. The rest not as bad… distance from her definitely, you don’t want a repeat!

Unfortunately, you posted this a bit too early and have drawn out the all night arseholes to your thread. 😂

Of course YANBU. The only unreasonable bit is actually allowing your house guest to smoke when visiting you. They will be stinking of smoke and I wouldn’t want a smoker in my house. 😡

Individually I don’t think these are massive issues and I wouldn’t lose a good friendship over it.
I don’t think anything was done intentionally.

The smoking - I would have just said can you stand outside and close the door or if you didn’t mind then standing in the doorway then told them to close the internal door.
It seems you were annoyed about it but didn’t say anything.

I have lots of friends who belch loudly and never say sorry (all women if it makes a difference) and it’s just who they are.
I wouldn’t get annoyed or fall out with them over it.
Again if you had a problem them you should have said that’s disgusting can you not do it near me.

The coach would have annoyed me but they obviously didn’t mean to stain it and I’ll often put my wrapper on the arm of it. They did apologise and used a plate and tray.
I personally would not be eating greasy fish and chips on a suede sofa anyway.

The crashing around at 3am would have also annoyed me but it’s not possible to be silent when getting ready and any small noises are going to sound like loud noises.
If it was my friend and they had a 12 hour journey then I wouldn’t have minded being woken up knowing that they’re leaving and I won’t see them for a while.

It’s really difficult having anyone come to stay when we’re set in our ways and little things can definitely build up to be annoying.
But individually these things aren’t worth falling out with someone over and he’s definitely not a CF.

Unfortunately you’ve already said it’s a male guest so I’m guessing that most of the posters are now going to agree with you and say he’s the worst person ever.

You will probably notice a big difference in the replies before and after you said it was a man because MN is very biased.

Meh, it’s hardly cracking on with your DH, inviting their crack dealer round or doing a shit on the living room carpet is it.

I was expecting something a bit more juicy.

If they want to stay again it's a hard no they have to go to a hotel, your place is too small tell them

I'd struggle to be friends with someone who thinks it's ok to belch

Agreed! But man or woman. YANBU

You didn’t really want them staying did you? Just own that.

If you were this unfriendly I doubt they’ll trouble you again.

I’m unfriendly? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I’ll just come to your houses, smoke, belch, stain your sofas and wake you all up at 3am then

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Seriously Op.

Rude behaviour. Yes

Cfery. No.

Friendship ending behaviour. Seriously?

They sound repulsive. YANBU.

This is an example of why we don’t have anyone to stay. We are upfront and say “that wouldn’t work for us”. Call us old miseries (we probably are) but this is our home, not an alternative to spending money on a hotel room.

I have lots of friends who belch loudly and never say sorry (all women if it makes a difference) and it’s just who they are.

and they are disgusting too. Belching, fine. Not saying "excuse me" and putting a hand up? urgh.

Honestly they sound awful and I wouldn’t want them as house guests

Never met a smoker who didn't do the doorway smoking thing. Absolutely foul.
Your friend sounds like an arse. Get rid. Oh and suede sofas mean you have to be an 'eat at the table' kind of home.

I think you were very understanding. Your friend is a complete savage. Some people just have very low standards and are unbelievably inconsiderate. I did love your ninja comment! Think it’s best if he stays in more suitable accommodation next time he visits.

Well, you can choose your friends, and different people have different standards.

Are these behavioural traits that have just emerged since lockdown or has your friend always behaved like an animal ?

Personally, I wouldn’t invite a smoker inside my home, or my car for that matter. Even if they only smoked outside, there’s that horrible stench when they walk back in, and their clothes, hair, breath, skin all reek and so too will the fabric of your home … Although that’s probably the norm for you if your partner’s ‘trying’ to quit. Believe it or not, some people are also ‘trying’ to win the lottery.

An isolated, accidental belch is one thing, deliberately, persistently belching is just rude and inconsiderate, as is banging and clanging at 3AM. Perhaps your friend didn’t have a particularly pleasant upbringing or has other issues that cause them to have no sense of pride or self-worth.

Definitely not someone I’d welcome, but again, different people have different standards.

Ha ha! Good catch. But, in fairness, I’m still genuinely unsure whether the poster had one friend, or several, to stay. Regardless, I still posted a response to the OP.

I should clarify - I’m still confused after reading the first post. The OP has since clarified the number of guests.

I really think it's only on Mumsnet that repeatedly burping (and farting,but that's another thread!) are a sign of friendship and intimacy. Yes, everybody burps and farts. Most of us try to minimise it and apologise when it happens.
There'll be another thread later where the OP is advised to "go NC" with a friend who forgets to take her shoes off at the door!