Friend a total CF and disrespected my house

[Bubbly8382]

Hi

Still fizzing about this and would like some perspective before I either bin this friendship or create further distance.

long and short of it I have a pal who I’ve known over 20+ years and haven’t seen since way before the pandemic.

Ask if they can come up to visit me in me for a couple of days, obviously not a problem.

Its a long trip to mine, 12 hour drive, and they decided to commute by car.

Things started off fine but a few things made my blood absolutely boil.

1. Friend smokes, I don’t and my partner is trying to quit. No issue with them smoking outside, but Friend stood in door way with all internal doors open so smoke drifted back into house making it stink.

2. Friend kept walking about the house belching loudly, when I said ‘excuse me maybe?’ They just laughed and continued doing it.

3. We had a take away one night, fish and chips, so oily wrappers. I have a suede leather sofa (you can see where I’m going) They were given a tray but decided to put the wrapper on the couch, staining it with oil, obviously I was quite upset about it, and I just got a feeble apology and no offer to help clean it, just continued to sit there eating loudly and burping away.

4. Last but by far the worst……
   Friend advised they would be leaving the early hours to get home, again not a problem, and agreed for 5am…… Friend decides to get up at 3am, crash around like a herd of elephants, crashed around the kitchen getting food

(For context the sleeping area in my home is the opposite end from the kitchen on the same floor, but you can close the internal doors and then no one is disturbed)

I obviously angrily got up and made a sarcastic comment along the lines of ‘You’d make a shit ninja’ to which they laughed and said ‘I wasn’t that loud’

My partner and I had work that day, needless to say we were exhausted with our 3am wake up!

Im livid, and I never want them to stay again or at the moment see them again!

AIBU??

End the friendship they sound like an absolute pig

I'm just wondering where in the UK is a twelve hour drive from another place in the UK? Unless we are including Northern Ireland

I didn’t even notice OP had used “they” until people starting falling over themselves to point it out. It’s very obviously about a singular friend or OP would have said friends and the sex doesn’t matter. The bafflement is a dog whistle at this point.

YANBU in the slightest. This person sounds rude, entitled and gross.
I would not be staying in touch.

It sounds like you’ve just grown apart. You don’t seem particularly friendly so I’m sure she won’t be back anyway.

As for the smoking bit, your partner either smokes or has given up. The only way he’s ‘trying’ to give up is if he has stopped smoking and is using a nicotine replacement product. If that’s the case, you are used to the smell of smoke so don’t see the problem.

Inverness to Penzance?

No it’s not, it’s fucking annoying, and you don’t get to decided what annoys people, nor to claim it’s a dog whistle just because you aren’t annoyed by it.

Just don’t.

Wow 😂😂

At this time of year, with the volume of traffic, car accidents and other hold ups it could be as little as Yorkshire to Cornwall. It took us nine and a half hours to drive from Barnsley to Padstow one year.

Just don't use they when you mean he or she? I entirely agree.

Equally you don’t get to decide what doesn’t annoy people and what other people see as a dog whistle. We all know what your actual issue is with it and its tiresome. It’s unnecessary to bring it up here.

For everyone getting upset about the they…. It’s a male friend (sure there will be judgements about male behaviour now) he is a grown man with his own family not a teenager so I would expect a bit of common courtesy at least.

Thank you for all the replies, friendly and not so friendly, you are all entitled to your opinions at the end of the day.

I won’t be having him stay again anytime soon.

also we are not fortunate enough to have a house big enough for a dining room or table, so trays on laps it is for everyone.

My actual issue?! Please do share your mind reading skills, what’s my actual issue? I would bet my house you’ll be 100% wrong.

I would have been irritated too and wouldn’t be welcoming him back any time soon if his sofa apology was really that weak.

Some people do make crap guests but are good people/friends.

I can see why you're upset about the smoking and the oil stain on the sofa. It suggests your friend isn't somebody who thinks of others or values the belongings of others.

The belching is unpleasant/rude, and being woken up is bloody annoying but I don't think I'd be fizzing about it.

And some people with a long drive might like to stop every three hours or so. Stretch their legs at services, have a sandwich.

Only if obtuse people insist on faux-bewildered “They?! I don’t understand, I’m confuuuuused” posts.

None of those things are really CFery / friendship breaking issues. Annoying houseguest, yes. But fatal to the relationship, meh.

It sounds like you’ve grown apart and so everything he did annoyed you.

Ha bloody ha.

Dreadful behaviour by him OP.

A complete pig.

Why you tolerated it is the question.

He had zero respect for himself, you or your home, that is clear.

His behaviour is not normal.

In this case I would text that his behaviour was appallingly rude and to never contact you again, and block.

I have zero tolerance for rudeness though.

I was waiting for the really bad thing to happen. None of those things make your friend a ‘total CF’ and to say they disrespected your house is a bit melodramatic.

I’m confused about the plates. You said you used plates but the oil was from paper?

Oh and they sound disgusting and inconsiderate, they would not be welcome in my house again.

They drove a ling way? I’m so confused by ling, can’t possibly figure out what you’re trying to say 🙄