Friend a total CF and disrespected my house

[Bubbly8382]

Hi

Still fizzing about this and would like some perspective before I either bin this friendship or create further distance.

long and short of it I have a pal who I’ve known over 20+ years and haven’t seen since way before the pandemic.

Ask if they can come up to visit me in me for a couple of days, obviously not a problem.

Its a long trip to mine, 12 hour drive, and they decided to commute by car.

Things started off fine but a few things made my blood absolutely boil.

1. Friend smokes, I don’t and my partner is trying to quit. No issue with them smoking outside, but Friend stood in door way with all internal doors open so smoke drifted back into house making it stink.

2. Friend kept walking about the house belching loudly, when I said ‘excuse me maybe?’ They just laughed and continued doing it.

3. We had a take away one night, fish and chips, so oily wrappers. I have a suede leather sofa (you can see where I’m going) They were given a tray but decided to put the wrapper on the couch, staining it with oil, obviously I was quite upset about it, and I just got a feeble apology and no offer to help clean it, just continued to sit there eating loudly and burping away.

4. Last but by far the worst……
   Friend advised they would be leaving the early hours to get home, again not a problem, and agreed for 5am…… Friend decides to get up at 3am, crash around like a herd of elephants, crashed around the kitchen getting food

(For context the sleeping area in my home is the opposite end from the kitchen on the same floor, but you can close the internal doors and then no one is disturbed)

I obviously angrily got up and made a sarcastic comment along the lines of ‘You’d make a shit ninja’ to which they laughed and said ‘I wasn’t that loud’

My partner and I had work that day, needless to say we were exhausted with our 3am wake up!

Im livid, and I never want them to stay again or at the moment see them again!

AIBU??

Couldn't you have given her a plate for the fish and chips? That's on you really

If she was up at 3am to leave, sounds like she was as keen to get away as you were to see her leave

This guest sounds vulgar, inconsiderate and entitled.

You've had some very strange replies here, OP. I'm with you on this.

I would not be friends with someone who deliberately and repeatedly performed loud belches. They could be St Francis of Assissi or Buddha, but if they did that anywhere near me that would be it.

Take that, MN.

For context the fish and chips were on a plate and a they were given a tray.

Manners cost nothing, got no issue with gas problems but an ‘excuse me’ would not go amiss.

wow…… didn’t expect to get bashed 😂😂😂 sounds like I’m a horrible person

Thank you 😊

You're not really friends. You don't particularly like like each other any more. You've moved on.

It's good that you know this now.

They sound grim. Thankfully if they haven’t stayed for years, you won’t have to do it again.

Can’t believe people are defending the guest - they sound awful and inconsiderate! Greasy chips on the sofa then don’t even offer to clean?? Not on.

It is up to you who you are friends with. Personally the smoking would annoy me the most as it could affect my health. All smokers I know though are respectful of not smoking in my house. The belching whilst unpleasant is not something that would have any impact on me specifically.

The sofa is unfortunate but perhaps they have a sofa like mine which is practically bomb proof - fake leather and it just wipes clean and still looks fairly new at about ten years old. I think maybe going forward you need to consider either just using plates or if you have a table eating at the table for messy food.

The 3am wake up would make me grumpy but I have also been that person who couldn't sleep before a long drive (don't worry no one else affected) so just left in the night in the end.

I really don’t understand why you are getting a hard time. There seems to be a lot of just bashing the OP however possible at the moment.

Your friend sounds like a rude and inconsiderate guest. If you want to continue the friendship maybe suggest meeting her somewhere in the middle of you both and staying in a hotel/air BnB etc?

1. I would have asked them to close the door while they smoked - why didn't you?
2. We would have eaten at the dining table
3. I wouldn't have been bothered about the belching because they probably can't help it
4. The 3 am wake up would have made me feel irrationally angry
5. They sound like ill mannered oiks

I'm not sure why most replies have been so unsupportive. I'm with you on all the irritations and wouldn't have them over to stay again.

They sound rough. Not nasty and inconsiderate, just rough. It sounds like they live alone and own plastic furniture.

Don't worry about it op, there's some very sad people on here who are arseholes no matter what you write. Makes me cringe.
Some people just don't know how to behave, the smoking thing would drive me mad and I would be getting someone in to clean the sofa and sending them the bill!

You should have told them to stop while they were doing some of these.
Go outside and shut the door please. Or shut it on them.

A friend of 20 years should be someone you can say oh X FFS can you stop belching like a pig. In fact, you should be able to say you've been bloody awful X, what the fuck is wrong with you?

The sofa I'd have told them I was seriously pissed off about.

Thank you for this

Yanbu to be angry about friends behaviour, nor about letting them stay ever again.

But Yabu for being passive aggressive and not outright telling friend of their rudeness / that you don't want smoke in your house etc

You sound like you dislike this person. Is it actually your friend or your partners?

Wow people have low standards and terrible manners on here. Who on earth visits someone and walks around belching. So rude and disgusting in someone else's home.

Smokers are never considerate, they don't get that it stinks so you have to be on that and shut the doors.

Agreed with a nice sofa use the dining table.

Also if I was in someone's home and up at 3 I would do it quietly, it's called being a considerate guest.

You aren't friends any more and I'd say that's fine.

Yes, this. I understand it, as I've had similar experiences. I just never saw them in my home again.

See, none of this would massively bother me, apart from the fish and chips thing (but then again, if I had a suede sofa that stains easily there's no way we'd be sitting on it to eat fish & chips straight from the takeaway containers: that's on you, really. Next time put down a throw or something, or plate up the food).

It souds as though you don't like your friend very much and you've drifted away. Entirely understandable when you live 12 hours away and haven't seen each other for more than 3 years. Don't invite her again and I daresay the problem will solve itself with no drama.

Mine

Sounds like a CF. Time to end the friendship.

You should use scotchgard on the sofa to protect it, definitely do that once you've cleaned it, and ideally don't eat there if you're going to get upset by any spills.

It doesn't sound like this is a friend, and you sounded quite difficult. It isn't hard to ask someone smoking to step into the garden, nor to ignore a few burps. Just don't have them, or anyone else, to stay again.

I don't know, I think a lot of this stuff was easily avoidable and the rest, while a little annoying, isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.

The idiots are out in force this morning OP! None of the behaviour you describe is what nice, normal friends would do when they come to visit.

Your 'friend' (ex-friend now) is disrespectful and a pig. Bye bye!

The fish and chip thing was really inconsiderate, and they should have been more careful. Having said that, it was always a risk eating straight out of the wrapper like that. You'll know better next time.

The other stuff is mildly annoying but not really worth getting worked up about. It does sound like you don't actually like this "friend" very much. Maybe the friendship has reached a natural end?