Friend has packed condoms for our holiday

[kissthefish]

Going away with a good friend this month, for one week. We're both in our late forties. I've been really looking forward to it. I see it as a chance to spend time together when we haven't done much of that recently. Real life, with work and our teens, always seems to get in the way. Today we were chatting about the holiday and she told me that she's packed a box of condoms for the trip. I was a bit taken aback, as I thought it was going to be just us. I think it's fine to have a holiday liaison if you're in a group.
She has form for this, as she has organised dates on previous trips away, years ago. A quick shag is one thing, but then she obsesses over the guy in question, and it takes over a bit.
She says she doesn't plan to meet anyone there, and the condoms are a 'just in case'. She's definitely more of a man's woman overall, whereas I tend to prioritise the women in my life. Don't get me wrong, I'd love a bit of sex! But a holiday with one girlfriend possibly isn't the time or place.
Oh, and being the introvert I am, I'm more than happy to do our own thing sometimes. So it's not like I'm being intense. There's just something about bringing a man into the equation that changes the dynamic a bit.
And I have great fondness for this friend, in case someone says the Mumsnet classic 'you don't seem to like her very much'. We've been friends for years and have gone through a lot together. But she can be self-absorbed and I think I need to be honest about that.
AIBU?

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If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

No you are not being unreasonable.

I’m in my 40’s and id be a bit put out if my friend did that . I’d be expecting a girls holiday sunbathing, drinking and having a laugh together

Well, exactly.
It has left me with a feeling of flatness, after my previous excitement!
She had been 'sort of' seeing a man until now, which is why I thought this wouldn't come up again. She's no cheat. However that has just fallen by the wayside, so I think she's thinking 'game on'.

Well, her having them just in case seems sensible.

And if she met someone and wanted to go back to their hotel to sleep with them while you were away I don't see the harm, really. If she spent no time with you on the holiday/spent several nights off with a holiday fling I'd be annoyed, but it doesn't seem like that's the plan (and it seems pointless to be pre-annoyed when it might not happen!).

Wait and see :)

Fair enough. Thanks.

I'd be disappointed too - it's meant to be a girls' holiday.

See, this is what I think too. I could try and be all 'cool girl' about it, but actually I just can't.

I'd be disappointed in that too ... it seems a bit like she's being a tone deaf.

It's a bit ick, really. But she's an adult and at least she's being responsible. I would just set ground rules that no randoms to be brought back to your shared accommodation.

I have a family friend (was like an auntie to me growing up - at the time, I was 30s and she was 60s). She brought a box of condoms when she came to my wedding (attending the wedding and then going travelling in Europe for a few weeks after to make the most of the flight as she lives overseas). It was a shared house with other friends and family. The condom stash came in handy as my maid of honour ended up shagging a good male friend of dh and I on the sofa of the shared house...and my older friend was the only one with condoms, which she chucked down the stairs to them on the wedding night! 😂I don't think she did any shagging herself during the wedding weekend, but I've always hoped that she got a leg over somewhere along her Interrailing journey in the weeks that followed.

I'd be disappointed too. I went on holiday with a single friend (I'm married) and I knew she used tinder etc to meet guys at home.

I told her I was OK with her meeting someone but I didn't want her bringing them back to the apartment. Maybe you need to set some boundaries incase she thinks this is OK

She is being optimistic, you appear to be a bit pessimistic.

Does she plan to bring random blokes back to your room/apartment? I’d be very unhappy about that. I’d not be that happy about her sodding off to shag someone in their room either, but I do accept that’s unreasonable of me.

I'd be disappointed if we'd planned a girls' weekend away for the two of us. I'd also be concerned she plans to bring a random back to shared accommodation for the night. I don't like the idea of sharing my accommodation with a stranger.

If they're 'just in case' as opposed to her setting herself up with some bloke on your girls' holiday, that's fine, even quite sensible!

Not at all. It all depends on your priorities really. I'm optimistic about going away in general, but if not feeling the need to get laid on a one week holiday with a friend makes me a pessimist, so be it!

I guess what is it you don’t want? Her taking a random to her room- nothing you can do. Her bringing random out to drinks and breakfast? You can say you’ll be eating on your own if that’s the case and annoyed about it. Her going on endlessly about said random- harder to be politely clear beforehand that you won’t tolerate it! Perhaps you say ok I get you might want to meet someone, but I have zero interest in finding myself breakfasting with your holiday bonk; or in having you talk about nothing else. That’s not really the holiday I signed up for, so I will be pretty grumpy if it’s the holiday I end up on.

I'd just find that weird. Is she that desperate for male approval in general? You say you like her so you must know what she's like. Maybe just plan accordingly, knowing she will be dropping you if anyone comes past with a better offer.
It's a bit teenagery.

Ask her, her plans. It could be that after a night out, she'll be taking up any offers of sex, rather than having a fling. Tell her your boundaries and then play it by ear. It might just be her disappearing at the end of the night and turning up the next morning.

Oh are you sharing a room? I’m not 21 any more, no random men allowed in my room, no matter how sexy or how great a fuck. Separate rooms if you think you might do that on holiday, that’s a minimum surely!

That does seem off if it's just the 2 of you. I have a friend who is similar, if there's ever a chance of sex she'll prioritise that over all else, which is fine but I don't go out just me and her anymore.

I love my friends to pieces and they me, but when we go on holiday together for a week there is definitely some building in of at least a day and an evening with no joint/group activities so that we all get a solo breather if we choose to. I wouldn’t be offended at friend taking a day / a night away when you’re away for that long and choosing to use that time to get laid, as long as there are ground rules about whether they can come back to the accommodation and that any guy in question won’t join you for any other time on the holiday (unless you both agree it.)

Yes, we're sharing a room. I would not tolerate her bringing someone back and will have no qualms in telling her this.

Completely depends on the accommodation arrangements. Shared room - absolutely not. Own hotel rooms or own rooms in self-catering - fine as long as there won't be random men hanging around the breakfast table.

Otherwise I think YAB a bit U. She wants something slightly different out of this holiday to you. You have already considered that you will want to spend a bit of time apart as a full week together 24/7 will be pretty intense. If she wants to spend some of that time picking up a fella then that's her lookout!

Ah, cross-post. Yes, very wise.

Makes sure she deffo knows she can't bring anyone back to your shared space.

I have a friend or two I wouldn't go away with for this very reason. One of them is always straight on tinder whenever she's in a new town. I find it juvenile and it would irritate me if this was the undertone of what's supposed to be a trip with friends.

Watch Shirley Valentine before you go and smile.

Make sure you don't get caught by Dougie and Jeanette from Manchester!!