Friend has packed condoms for our holiday

[kissthefish]

Going away with a good friend this month, for one week. We're both in our late forties. I've been really looking forward to it. I see it as a chance to spend time together when we haven't done much of that recently. Real life, with work and our teens, always seems to get in the way. Today we were chatting about the holiday and she told me that she's packed a box of condoms for the trip. I was a bit taken aback, as I thought it was going to be just us. I think it's fine to have a holiday liaison if you're in a group.
She has form for this, as she has organised dates on previous trips away, years ago. A quick shag is one thing, but then she obsesses over the guy in question, and it takes over a bit.
She says she doesn't plan to meet anyone there, and the condoms are a 'just in case'. She's definitely more of a man's woman overall, whereas I tend to prioritise the women in my life. Don't get me wrong, I'd love a bit of sex! But a holiday with one girlfriend possibly isn't the time or place.
Oh, and being the introvert I am, I'm more than happy to do our own thing sometimes. So it's not like I'm being intense. There's just something about bringing a man into the equation that changes the dynamic a bit.
And I have great fondness for this friend, in case someone says the Mumsnet classic 'you don't seem to like her very much'. We've been friends for years and have gone through a lot together. But she can be self-absorbed and I think I need to be honest about that.
AIBU?

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I think it really depends. If I was going away for a holiday with a mate, and we were in separate hotel rooms rather than shared accommodation, and we'd agreed to do some stuff separately and on one of those evenings when she was doing her own thing she had a one-night stand with a bloke, it wouldn't really affect me.

However, if she was bringing strangers back to shared accommodation, was on the pull when we went out for a drink/meal together, or met someone and then wanted to keep inviting them to join you for the rest of the holiday, or spent the rest of the week obsessing over and texting him or something, that would be incredibly annoying.

I think the giveaway for me is that a) she's done this before and b) she felt the need to tell you she'd packed condoms. If they really were 'just in case' then I think she'd have packed them and said nothing. But the fact that she's made a point of telling you is her flagging up that she's intending to find someone to hook up with.

So in short, YANBU - although you do say she has form for this, so I'm not sure why you expected her to be different this time if this is her usual modus operandi.

In my opinion having a condom or 2 on you is just sensible if you're free and single and generally up for that sort of thing - but an entire box?! what sort of holiday is she expecing?! 😂

I think she's doing the right thing. If you're not adverse to holiday hook ups at least she's being sensible about it. Hopefully she won't be on the pull all holiday though.

What happens if you meet the man of your dreams. The condoms might come in handy then.

A quick shag ok. Abandoning you isn’t. Tell her that before the holiday to set expectations.

I'd let her enjoy getting sausaged but maybe chat about ground rules e.g not in your apartment, don't be ditching you, that sort of thing.

I wouldn't love it, because it looks like her relationship has ended and now she sees the holiday as a hunting expedition with you in the role of wingman, which is boring and not what you signed up for. And she is setting out the terms now, by telling you she's packing condoms - she could just packed a box without announcing it. This way it sounds as if she's going to be bored and restless if she's not picking up men.

Yes I can understand why you feel like this. You have different agendas it seems as to what you want to get out of the holiday. And they don't compliment each other very well. There is a very different energy to someone who is on the pull, as a pose to someone who wants quality time in companionship and a relaxing mindset. Totally at odds. I would be quite irritated by this TBH as it means she's already thinking of being in a different headspace to you - but, there's not really much you can do. She is a grown adult and you will just have to live and let live I suppose

I think fine for her to have fun but is she is going to ditch you to try to see someone multiple times that would really upset me and I would have a chat beforehand. However if she is likely to do that I don't think a chat will stop it happening so you need to be prepared and have lots of nice things you can do by yourself on the list.

This is a real pet peeve of mine when people do this (appreciate this involved getting peeved by something that hasn't happened yet!)

I think it's sensible to take them just in case. Because, who knows what could happen, even if she's not planning on getting it on it makes sense to have them on hand to avoid STI etc.

Well, it is good to be prepared but I would be pissed off if she met someone on holiday and dropped me. Though I'd be just fine on my own.

Sausaged

I have an ex-friend who was like this. I was happily in a relationship however socialised a lot without my DP. Whenever I went out with this friend she was always always always on the hunt for men and it ended up with whatever dodgy (and they always were!) bloke she’d been chatting to, having a friend or two thinking I was similarly out on the pull. I hated it.

I’d be disappointed in my friend for doing this tbh if she prioritises meeting someone else rather than value our time together.

I get that, but the safe sex thing is kind of missing the point of my OP.

A quick shag is not a problem. But mooning over the guy is. It just takes up too much headspace, and I already give this friend plenty of man-related emotional support. This holiday was a chance for me to relax too.

I really relate to this! Have been on holiday with a similar friend in the past. In fact we barely saw her for two days. And then all conversation was around that.

It might be packing condoms indicates they would be open to having sex if they meet someone they like. This would not be an issue.

For others it might mean finding holiday romance is what they are hoping for. I would be less ok with this as only 2 of us away.

For most of my friends it would be the first scenario so i wouldnt be too bothered.

My heart just sank when she told me

I think it's fair enough to ask that she won't be bring guys to your room or expect you to hang out with some randos or that she abandons you for hours. But if she wants to do a boots call once you are about to go to sleep or want to do your own thing then fair enough.

I would discuss what you are going to do in general and establish sone rules e.g no bringing guys to the apartment and other rules you might think about. Make it 2 ways street and obviously ask what she wants to do and what rules she want to have.
And yes, I wouldn’t like it either tbh

Taking them with you as a precaution, yeah fine.

What's not fine is abandoning your friend on holiday when it was only the two of you to start with, and then your friend having to deal with the ensuing fall-out/drama when she just wants a bloody holiday.

It sounds like she's planning to hook up if she can but could she not designate one weekend as a shag-free zone? I'd be pissed off too, OP.

If she was bringing them ‘just in case’ why would she mention it to you? Surely she would just put them in her case and not mention. It sounds as though she is preparing you in advance, and yes I would be disappointed too, seeing as there’s just two of you.

You appear tonne missing the point 😁

It’s because you know you will cease to exist should a bloke turn up. I bet she has form for that too.