Friend has packed condoms for our holiday

[kissthefish]

Going away with a good friend this month, for one week. We're both in our late forties. I've been really looking forward to it. I see it as a chance to spend time together when we haven't done much of that recently. Real life, with work and our teens, always seems to get in the way. Today we were chatting about the holiday and she told me that she's packed a box of condoms for the trip. I was a bit taken aback, as I thought it was going to be just us. I think it's fine to have a holiday liaison if you're in a group.
She has form for this, as she has organised dates on previous trips away, years ago. A quick shag is one thing, but then she obsesses over the guy in question, and it takes over a bit.
She says she doesn't plan to meet anyone there, and the condoms are a 'just in case'. She's definitely more of a man's woman overall, whereas I tend to prioritise the women in my life. Don't get me wrong, I'd love a bit of sex! But a holiday with one girlfriend possibly isn't the time or place.
Oh, and being the introvert I am, I'm more than happy to do our own thing sometimes. So it's not like I'm being intense. There's just something about bringing a man into the equation that changes the dynamic a bit.
And I have great fondness for this friend, in case someone says the Mumsnet classic 'you don't seem to like her very much'. We've been friends for years and have gone through a lot together. But she can be self-absorbed and I think I need to be honest about that.
AIBU?

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But it's hard to see how it wouldn't impact OP. Where is she planning to meet these men ? What happens if they go out and she meets someone- is OP meant to sit there like a lemon watching them, or even worse hours of boring conversation with men on the pull.

She said she’s not planning on meeting men but brought the condoms as a precaution. OP needs to speak up to her friend, if the friend breaks any agreements, then they go their separate ways which will likely bring an end to their friendship anyway, it doesn’t actually sound like the friendship is that great anyway.

This.

I do think though. You only get pre-annoyed at something, when you have a pretty good idea of how it's going to go. I couldn't be assed with it personally. If you're packing condoms it isn't for a just incase, she is on the pull!

You knew this about her. Why are you surprised?

I have already explained why I didn't think this would happen on this occasion.

Given her history it’s bizarre to me that you think “sort of” seeing someone meant anything. So again, you know her, she’s behaving exactly as the person she is.

It meant something to her. And she's not a cheat.

My friend ruined a holiday with these antics. We were in our mid to late twenties. We went on holiday together. In a week, she snagged several different men and then sent the rest of the holiday crying why they lost interest in her. I spent 4 out of 7 nights eating dinner alone. The other nights trying to make her feel less shit. It was the worse holiday of my life. Particularly, waking up to random men in our room snagging her. I felt very vulnerable because she felt no way about bringing people into our space while I was asleep. Anyhow, I never travelled with her again.

Oh no, that sounds thoroughly depressing!
My friend isn't that bad, to be fair.

She was later diagnosed with a serous MH problem and sectioned for some time. It made sense after that she was having a manic episode. It was very depressing and sad to watch. Although, she, to the outside world was having a whale of a time but really she was dying inside.

That's so very sad
The poor girl.

Are you sharing a room??
if not then let her fill her boots you only live once; at least she’s being sensible & has taken rain Mack’s along with her x

No you are not being unreasonable! But if she has form then what do you expect? I would not want to go on a girls holiday for them to go off shagging random men. Not my idea of a girlie trip!

This

I'd be setting boundaries before you go, OP.

I'd just politely ask her not to bring anyone back to the hotel at night time as that's where you sleep and you wouldn't feel safe/comfortable and you don't want to be left feeling abandoned on what you thought was a girls trip.

X

Shall we just get over this stupid man’s woman v woman’s woman nonsense. What does it even mean fgs! When I have come across this phrase it is usually meant in a derogatory way.

Surely better to have them and not need them, than need them and not have them?

Why go with a friend if your 'goal' is to find a man? I'd assume that when planning a trip with friends the objective would be to spend time together as friends. Signs indicating she has other plans would annoy me and turn me off from arranging future holidays with her.

Get over yourself. She's entitled to a dalliance on holiday if she wants one!

I understand how you are feeling, you are not a handbag to be picked up and put down when it suits. Do you both have plans on doing activities/sight seeing together or is it a loose arrangement?

I think I'd feel the same way as you, OP. I'd have no issue with a single friend packing condoms just in case but the fact that she's raised the subject (rather than just popping them in her case) and her past form for ditching friends for dates would make me think that perhaps her expectations/priorities for the holiday were not the same as mine. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that on a holiday with just one friend you'll both be intending to spend most of the time together. As a few pps have said, it's not about the idea of having a little bit of time to yourselves but the idea that you might be dropped for a significant part of the holiday or have the whole holiday focussed around some bloke.

I had this experience once where a friend and I agreed to go away together for a week to catch up and have a bit of relaxation. We talked about a few days out, chilling by the beach, lovely dinners out etc. Friend hooked up with someone on the first evening and stayed with them until they went home late in the following evening. For the next day she could talk about nothing but him, until she met someone else and spent the afternoons wanting to do nothing but sleep by the pool then wherever we went for dinner we 'accidentally' bumped in to new bloke and his (arsehole) mates so as soon as we had eaten she was all over him and went back to his place. If I had known that the plan was essentially a solo holiday with someone to share the flight and the occasional dinner with I would have either declined or planned a totally different sort of holiday.

If I was to go away with a single friend again I think I'd want to have a very open discussion about expectations. This is not judgemental- if a single friend want to have fling that's up to her but I don't get many holidays so i don't want to spend a week playing gooseberry or being someone's fall back to spend time with if they can't find someone more exciting.

I feel you OP. I'm friends with 2 other girls and we used to go away a couple of times a year. Friend B was very much like your df, she'd spend the first night trying to catch the eye of some bloke she liked the look of, sleep with him and then the rest of the time was spent trying to 'bump into him', it was awful as every decision she made was off the back meeting this bloke again. Trouble was she was so full on that she'd scare the man away so he'd spend his time trying to avoid her. Thankfully she's married now so our weekends away are lovely and just about catching up.

Amused as the 'just in case' 'she's just being careful' comments. Just in case what? Just in case while she's chatting to the OP over lunch she accidentally has sex? Being careful that while she's out dancing, having a laugh with the OP she's suddenly spirited away to a guys bed and might find herself without protection?
If she ends up needing her condoms it will be as a result of a number of choices she has made along the way. To entertain the company of men, to prioritise them for some of her time, to give them her attention. To leave the OP to her own devices while doing so. Nothing essentially wrong with any of that, but it will be a proactive choice on her part, which quite clearly she hasnt ruled out, and OP didn't invisage a holiday where that would be on the agenda.

I wouldn’t be happy and I’d tell her!
I would text her and say I was really hoping for a nice holiday with her and hoping that no men would be involved

i find it really irresponsible and dangerous to hook up while on holiday and also irresponsible and inconsiderate to ditch you.