Friend has packed condoms for our holiday

[kissthefish]

Going away with a good friend this month, for one week. We're both in our late forties. I've been really looking forward to it. I see it as a chance to spend time together when we haven't done much of that recently. Real life, with work and our teens, always seems to get in the way. Today we were chatting about the holiday and she told me that she's packed a box of condoms for the trip. I was a bit taken aback, as I thought it was going to be just us. I think it's fine to have a holiday liaison if you're in a group.
She has form for this, as she has organised dates on previous trips away, years ago. A quick shag is one thing, but then she obsesses over the guy in question, and it takes over a bit.
She says she doesn't plan to meet anyone there, and the condoms are a 'just in case'. She's definitely more of a man's woman overall, whereas I tend to prioritise the women in my life. Don't get me wrong, I'd love a bit of sex! But a holiday with one girlfriend possibly isn't the time or place.
Oh, and being the introvert I am, I'm more than happy to do our own thing sometimes. So it's not like I'm being intense. There's just something about bringing a man into the equation that changes the dynamic a bit.
And I have great fondness for this friend, in case someone says the Mumsnet classic 'you don't seem to like her very much'. We've been friends for years and have gone through a lot together. But she can be self-absorbed and I think I need to be honest about that.
AIBU?

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I wouldn’t expect my friend to disappear and leave me on my own on holiday together. It’s never happened to me. On a group holiday someone may have had the odd shag but nothing to take up headspace.

But the fact that she is taking them means she’s hopeful, suppose it depends if she’s taken a box of 10 or box of 30 to how often she’s prepared to abandon you!

I think the 'just in case' argument would be fine (or at least not as bad) if there were a group of you going. But when it's just the 2 of you? That's really not fair on you

Gosh people in their late 40s lead far more exciting lives than I do!

I would find this a bit icky. Especially as you are sharing a room.

Sounds like both of you want different things from this holiday. I don't think I could cope with a travel companion who might abandon me at the drop of a hat for a ONS though. It would not be what I would choose a travel companion to be like. Just me thinking out loud of course.

It reminds me of when I was a lot younger and did the girly hook ups on holidays. It was awful when my mate (s) found a bloke, but I didn't for whatever reason, that was painful, not knowing where to go or what to do with myself!

Now I travel a lot by myself. But I do have one friend who enjoys the same things as I do, and a week away with her is great. Others no.

It’s her holiday too - fair enough if she wants a shag I say!

let her!

Why not prepare for it now by looking at some things you could do alone?

TBH she has form for this but you still chose to go with her! Just saying!

I'd raise it with her from this point of view - that it is your holiday too. And you want to relax, not worry about her disappearing, not listen to her rhapsodising over some dodgy bloke she's just met, and definitely not eating dinner alone (or having her shag joining you and making your evening awkward)!

Remember the film 'Shirley Valentine'? Your friend sound all too close to the Alison Steadman character, Shirley's friend. Buggered off leaving Shirley on her own. I thought she was a very poor friend for that. A very poor friend indeed.

Many thanks to you all for your thoughts. It really is very helpful to me.
I think it's time I opened my eyes to this friendship in a way. There are red flags I've ignored for too long. In some ways we're compatible, in others not. A bit like a relationship, I suppose!
My line in the sand is exactly this: if she has sex with men, fine. If she abandons me to have sex more than once or twice, not ok. If she takes up too much of the holiday with man chat, I will shut it down. If the holiday feels like a write-off because of the man thing, I won't do it again. And it will make me really question the friendship, as our values and priorities are too different.

A valid point, but she had been seeing someone for 5 months until literally the other day.
And the other times were years ago. I thought she'd got it out of her system by now.

She has changed the dynamics of this holiday with that announcement and also what her priorities will be (her and her vag!). I'm not surprised you feel pissed off, I would too!

I wouldn't be happy with that, no.

I am actually sitting here crying like a big weirdo
This thread has actually given me SUCH food for thought. I have come to the realisation that this holiday is filling a bit of a void in my life. I am not as happy as I could be. Normally I might use food to fill that void, but can't as I'm on a diet for the holiday!
As a result, I have 'bigged up' this holiday in my head to something it's probably not. My friend admitting she's bringing condoms on our holiday has disappointed me into facing all of these feelings.

How's that for a bit of Monday morning reflection and honesty?!

Travelling with people is tough. I do a lot of solo trips on my own and find them far more enjoyable. Or I stick to day trips with friends. Always good to enjoy your own company and rely on yourself.

It would be funny if as soon as you get to the hotel you! Meet the man of your dreams and drop her.
Just joking. I would be annoyed too as its just the two of you going for a girly weeks holiday. Also why does she need a whole box of condoms ls there going to be a football team staying at your hotel?

Yeah my mum used to do this when we went on holiday a few times! It's really irritating. A holiday shag is fine but when the obsession over her holiday beau takes over then it's no fun.

I know, the irony! I wouldn't even have countenanced that it would pan out that way. I don't think I put that kind of energy out there. But nor would I, on this kind of trip.

I think it’s fine as long as she doesn’t spend the whole time trying to find men/talking about finding men, and doesn’t bring them back to your shared place.
you say she has form for this so is it really a surprise?
It’s a no way though if the whole holiday is about men or she brings them back to yours.

Exactly. It's not the deed itself, but the constant ruminating that comes with it.

I couldn't go away with someone who can't keep their legs closed for a weeks 'girls' holiday.

She can go in her own or with another friend who's up for those kind of antics.

I get why you are upset OP. I don't get enough chance to catch up with friends. When life feels a bit drab, I feel really happy and excited about meeting up with a good friend and catching up. I guess I imagine they are feeling the same about catching up with me.

If I found out their excitement and energy was focussed on looking for, and mooning over, a random bloke, rather than engaging with me, I'd feel a bit deflated. I'd probably feel that way whether they found a bloke or not.

You're only going for one week! She can manage without a shag for one week.

I'd be worried that I'd be left rattling around on my own while she was with her latest bit of fun, which is not what this holiday is about for you. I've done a fair bit of solo travel but I've known I'd be on my own. But if you go with a friend you have some expectations of company.

Do not let her boot you out of your hotel room if you are sharing, while she entertains any new man. She has to go to his.

Ah OP it’s not about your mate sniffing out sausage really is it?

Its actually deeper than that. Glad you’ve had time to reflect.

'Getting sausages'

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Ffs sausaged

Id say you have different priorities. I have friends who would like just enjoying friend time, and i have friends who want to go on the pull. I spend time with each depending on what kind of night id want, so i guess it's the same for holidays. I think you know that this is something she wants to do, and you dont, so next time, pick another friend to go away with. We all know of a xx who isnt the type to want to meet men on nights out, and yy who is. No judgement at all.

It reminds me of when i was at uni and a friend met her then husband on hols. I immediately thought good that she went on holiday with that particular friend as she was much more out there and fun whereas if she had gone away with others in our social group, they would have held her back a bit because they wouldnt have wanted to mingle outside the group.

It sounds as though she'd be better going on a singles holiday. I know what you mean about someone who goes on and on about someone she's only known five minutes - it's so attention-seeking and such a pain in the arse.