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AIBU?

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Original poster

Knock at the door at 9pm

177 replies

visitorspoppingin · 02/07/2023 12:33

My DH knows someone who has recently moved to the area. It's an older relative. I have never met this person. Last night, at 9pm there was a knock at the door, and there she was. She said she thought she would pop by. I was in my pyjamas, and had had quite a few glasses of wine, and probably looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. Is it me, or is this a totally batshit thing to do, without making an arrangement? She has a partner & family, so it's not a case of loneliness. I don't like surprise visitors at the best of times, but 9pm at night seems insane.

OP posts:
Mumtothreegirlies · 02/07/2023 12:35

I wouldn’t be happy with that either. I’m the kind of person who when I shut my door I like to feel comfortable and relaxed in my own private space. I would hate knowing that I could randomly get a knock at any time of the day and have to invite someone in.

User19844666884 · 02/07/2023 12:38

I think it’s a bit of a grey area and probably differs from person to person, and maybe even from season to season with the light nights.

For me personally, 8pm would be fine, 10 pm would be a no, 9pm would just depend on what I was doing.

LaBefana · 02/07/2023 12:39

DH and I would totally not like someone calling unexpectedly at 9 PM. That's shower time for me, then DH, then a cup of Redbush tea and some biscuits in front of the TV. And a small whisky for DH. We would probably not answer. If it's important they'd push a note through, we hope.

PrueRamsay · 02/07/2023 12:41

I mean, I wouldn’t have answered the door at 9pm if I weren’t expecting anyone.

It does seem really odd.

Original poster
visitorspoppingin · 02/07/2023 12:41

Sometimes DH's mum will do the same. Just turns up. DH could be at work, so even though I am WFH, I have to invite her in for a coffee. I've no idea why she doesn't call first, to see if DH is at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
visitorspoppingin · 02/07/2023 12:42

I should say as well, that DH's mum does not live nearby, so why not check first?! Sometimes neither of us are in, and she's made the journey.
I wont be answering the door at night again.

OP posts:
Bexx87 · 02/07/2023 12:43

I think it's rude to turn up unannounced at that time. I'm either settled in front of the TV, eating dinner or even in bed depending on how I feel. At least in future if you get any unexpected knocks at night you'll know not to answer.

MumBunHun · 02/07/2023 12:44

i would have been in bed 😂 who tf does this

kitsuneghost · 02/07/2023 12:44

Round where I'm from you wouldn't even get a knock,
Relatives just walk in whenever.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2023 12:46

I hate pop in's no matter what the time, but to do so that late is fucking insane. You have got to nip this in the bud, sharpish.

neverenoughchelseaboots · 02/07/2023 12:46

I love surprise visitors. It feels old fashioned and wholesome and when things are prearranged it can often (unfairly) feel like an inconvenience. Whereas when people just turn up we always enjoy the impromptu catch up.

I realise we are in the minority and to be fair it doesn’t happen often enough to become an issue.

PrueRamsay · 02/07/2023 12:46

kitsuneghost · 02/07/2023 12:44

Round where I'm from you wouldn't even get a knock,
Relatives just walk in whenever.

How do they do that? Do they have keys? Or you leave your doors unlocked?

LaBefana · 02/07/2023 12:46

kitsuneghost · 02/07/2023 12:44

Round where I'm from you wouldn't even get a knock,
Relatives just walk in whenever.

No way, José! For us it's text or ring, or you ain't getting in. Rellies, pals, neighbours, whoever.

GrumpyPanda · 02/07/2023 12:46

visitorspoppingin · 02/07/2023 12:41

Sometimes DH's mum will do the same. Just turns up. DH could be at work, so even though I am WFH, I have to invite her in for a coffee. I've no idea why she doesn't call first, to see if DH is at home.

I fail to see why you "have to" invite her if you're at work and she shows up unannounced...? Tell her to ambush your DH at his workplace, or if you're feeling particularly charitable point her in the direction of the kitchen to make herself some coffee before her return journey and disappear back to your desk.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 02/07/2023 12:46

visitorspoppingin · 02/07/2023 12:41

Sometimes DH's mum will do the same. Just turns up. DH could be at work, so even though I am WFH, I have to invite her in for a coffee. I've no idea why she doesn't call first, to see if DH is at home.

Why do you need to invite her in?

Just tell her you're working and need to get back to it.

MrsRickAstley · 02/07/2023 12:48

What did she want ? Just a chat ?
Do you usually do this ?

Steakandquinoa · 02/07/2023 12:48

She saw you were in your pjs and still came in?! I’d have said Oo sorry to disturb you, I’ll come back another time.

BishopRock · 02/07/2023 12:50

visitorspoppingin · 02/07/2023 12:41

Sometimes DH's mum will do the same. Just turns up. DH could be at work, so even though I am WFH, I have to invite her in for a coffee. I've no idea why she doesn't call first, to see if DH is at home.

You don't have to do that at all. Set yourself some boundaries instead.

Konfetka · 02/07/2023 12:52

Russians/ex-Soviets do this! I lived in a central London location and if there was ever a knock on the door without prior warning I knew it would be a Russian-speaking friend. Good times.

BonnieGlasses · 02/07/2023 12:54

9pm is hardly late, especially on a Saturday night! I'd be fine with someone I knew popping in then, less so a virtual stranger.

25sheets · 02/07/2023 12:56

It's funny when it's summer time and light then people change their habits. Bet she wouldn't do that in mid winter. It's not on at any time of the year (unless an emergency obviously)

croft89 · 02/07/2023 12:56

Our blinds are closed and doors locked sometimes as early as 6pm

I'd simply not answer

pambeeslyhalpert2 · 02/07/2023 12:57

It's really rude. What was she expecting? What happened?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2023 12:57

Popping in, at any time, for any reason, (aside from an emergency), is just plain rude.

Hayfeverseasonalready · 02/07/2023 12:59

I'm a miserable mare so would have been cross at someone knocking at that time. We would be just finishing our Saturday night takeaway and watching a film, so whoever it was would get a swift response and sent on their way.

I think any visitors that expect to come in without prior warning are rude. I would never drop in unannounced to any of my friends or family.