Knock at the door at 9pm

[visitorspoppingin]

My DH knows someone who has recently moved to the area. It's an older relative. I have never met this person. Last night, at 9pm there was a knock at the door, and there she was. She said she thought she would pop by. I was in my pyjamas, and had had quite a few glasses of wine, and probably looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. Is it me, or is this a totally batshit thing to do, without making an arrangement? She has a partner & family, so it's not a case of loneliness. I don't like surprise visitors at the best of times, but 9pm at night seems insane.

I don't mind friends and family popping round unannounced, however 9pm is too late for that.

I have young DC who go to bed at 8pm, and due to additional needs it can take one of them up to an hour to settle, by which point I'm exhausted.

To be honest, I'd probably not answer the door at 9pm to a random knock, and that's saying something for even me to do that!

its all a bit landed gentry visiting the poor relative. I bet she was outraged you were not ready to offer grateful hospitality

Nope. That's what ring door bells are for!.

We're in that segment! We have a machine-gun team stationed in the garage, a couple of troopers with grenades in the bushes, and a flame thrower poking out of the letterbox. Approach at your peril.

To MIL: 'I'm really sorry, MIL, but I'm working at the moment and can't take break. I'll let DH know you called. Hope to catch up with you soon!'

To DH: 'Please explain to your mum that it's not okay for her to drop round unannounced while I'm working. I'm sure you wouldn't want her turning up while you're at work either. Thanks.'

Same here. Rather that than locked in in my pjs with a couple of rich teas and cleaning out my chamber pot ready for the night (I may be exaggerating) like someone up thread

Yeah but that developed because people didn't have landlines for the longest time, so no other option. Although you're right it persisted even after the majority finally had them installed in major cities.

Fun fact - I interned with the joint venture partner of a Slovakian telecoms firm (switching equipment) and even top managers didn't have home landlines.

I wouldn't have answered the door. Hate people turning up unannounced. If it keeps happening the DH will have to say it isn't convenient for her to keep coming by. I also wouldn't be letting MIL in if she turns up unannounced, especially if I was wfh! personally this is for DH to sort out.

Its really not hard to drop a text and ask is it? - far more sensible and takes a few seconds rather than making the trip to someone's house only to find they arent in! That wouldn’t work with me. No way am I carrying my mobile from room to room in case someone texts.

On the other hand I’m happy with people dropping in. But then I’m capable of choosing whether to not answer the door, chat for 2mins on the doorstep, or invite them in and make a drink for both of us.

i wouldnt like this either but as an older person they are from a time when people did that type of thing I suspect

I usually don't have the time for impromptu visitors, so I hate them. I think how tolerant you are of them really probably depends how busy you are. 9 times out of 10, if someone pops by I'll be in the middle of something I don't have time/don't want to put off, so if they haven't arranged a convenient time, I'd be sending them on their merry way. No way would I be inviting MIL in for a coffee and chat in the middle of a work day! And 9pm is actually insane, who does that? I think you need to draw some really firm boundaries now. Ask them to please arrange a time in future. If they pop by unannounced again (this relative or MIL), tell them you're too busy, and don't invite them in! If you invite them in, they'll keep going it.

Yeah but that developed because people didn't have landlines for the longest time, so no other option. Although you're right it persisted even after the majority finally had them installed in major cities. It’s not just having a landline, it’s having a mobile. Pre-mobile, if you were in someone else’s town and found yourself with free time, it was far easier to drop round and see if they were free than it was to find a working telephone box and try to recall their number. And you wouldn’t call in advance because that would commit you to turning up even if the main reason for the coming to town took much longer than expected.

9 o'clock is still light at this time of year and lots of people are still out in their gardens and kids still out playing on the street at that time so it doesn't feel as much like the middle of the night as it does in winter. I wouldn't have a problem with it tbh.

I was brought up that you didn’t phone (let alone call) after 9pm unless someone had died.

Funnily enough, yesterday I opened the door to a pushy man trying to railroad me into house repairs 'agreed' with his partner a few weeks ago (an equally pushy and unsolicited cold caller - both might as well have had a 'cowboy builder scammer' flashing arrow over their heads).

It was actually quite unsettling and I was looking on our local police website last night re doorstep crime and police advice is to consider not opening the door if not expecting a caller. So it might be that some people have had bad experiences to now not be opening their door to unexpected callers and going forward I think I will be one of them. No MH issues here either, just a woman living alone and not in a safe rural village.

It's rude and antisocial to turn up unannounced at 9pm.

You have to invite her in for a coffee?

What's wrong with "Sorry MIL I'm working, DH isn't here, got to go. Please don't come round during the working day without arranging it as I'm often on meetings. bye now"

and if it happens again, just don't answer the door

Or just simply having sex? Which people do. Apparently. Even sometimes on the sofa.

Because she is a part of your family.

Would not , under any circumstances have answered the door. Even if it was absolutely obvious we were in. It’s so rude. There is not one single person in my family including my own adult child that would attempt unsolicited, unannounced house bothering at any time let alone after the magic 9pm when you can reasonably expect absolute peace. They learn quicker to call ahead and check if you just ignore them. I left my mother on the front grass once while clearly home and just text her to say she should have rung first. Worked a treat.

Ring or blink doorbell and don’t answer 🤭

It's batshit.

You nip it in the bud by not letting them in. Even if they've driven an hour to get there.

"Oh, so sorry. If only you had called ahead, but I'm afraid this just isn't a good time for us."

Ouch. I wouldn't be a fan of a 9pm house call from someone I'd never met, but I think I would answer the door to my mum...

Depends on the mum I think 😂 mines got a personality disorder and a drink problem. Thrice yearly prearranged and with some meditation first is quite sufficient thanks! I’ve moved a good hour away now anyway. Not an issue now.

I'm not a fan of an unexpected visitor any time of day or night.

Just send a simple text/give them a quick call - it takes seconds. If they don't answer, they aren't available.

Catching up with someone is still lovely when it's been planned.