Knock at the door at 9pm

[visitorspoppingin]

My DH knows someone who has recently moved to the area. It's an older relative. I have never met this person. Last night, at 9pm there was a knock at the door, and there she was. She said she thought she would pop by. I was in my pyjamas, and had had quite a few glasses of wine, and probably looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. Is it me, or is this a totally batshit thing to do, without making an arrangement? She has a partner & family, so it's not a case of loneliness. I don't like surprise visitors at the best of times, but 9pm at night seems insane.

What a bunch of miserable ppl.

*It’s someone you know coming round at the end of the day.

Not a stranger. Not a random. It’s not 3am or emergency territory.

9pm, light outside, doors and windows open, kids are still playing out, at least a few hours left before bedtime for the grown ups at least. About the time we finish dinner so prime time for a glass of something nice or to see a friend. Often the time I get home from work ready to start my evening.

zero problems with this.*

This!

I wish people would just pop by more often. Always nice to catch up. Can always say no if you're busy. I used to live somewhere where you knew your neighbours and your mates would pop in for a natter and cuppa every now and then. Now it's doors bolted and even neighbours look at you like you have two heads if you talk to them. I think it's quite lonely.

I agree. I dont understand people that just pop in with no warning then get embarrassed when they find the person just out of the shower or in their PJs. What did they expect?- to find that person always immaculately dressed with a pre prepared buffet "just in case"? If you randomly pop to see someone with no warning then you have to accept 1. they may not be in 2. they may have just got out the shower/be going to bed 3. they may be in the toilet/changing a nappy or right in the middle of something, 4. they may be feeling unwell and not up to visitors etc. Its really not hard to drop a text and ask is it? - far more sensible and takes a few seconds rather than making the trip to someone's house only to find they arent in!

I don't mind random call ins too much but 9pm is a bit late in my opinion. I think at 9 I would have made an excuse and not let her in.

I'm not sure that it is generational. I'm an oldie, and I don't like it.

'Dropping in' is rude and inconsiderate really, but it was probably more common years ago when people, like your older relative, lived in closer-knit communities and thought nothing of nipping in and out of each others houses. It's hardly 'batshit', more thoughtless. Ask your husband to ask her nicely to text or ring first in future.

I would hate that, it’s just not for me at all, I honesty wouldn’t answer the door, I get that some people love all that, I’d probably like to be more like them but ‘m just not, I couldn’t relax in my own home, I’d never, ever turn up unannounced anywhere either. It gives me stress just thinking about it.

Wouldn't bother me at all but then I have a backbone and would say if it was inconvenient.

I have a 60s/70s experience. People came and went from our house at all hours and I absolutely hated it. No privacy, but my mother loved it.

Since I had my own home, it’s strictly invitation only. I’m so much happier. I never understand why anyone leaves their doors unlocked, but I have known people who were attacked by strangers who just walked in so that probably shapes my view.

I work early shifts so by 9pm I’m usually in bed trying to get to sleep. I never answer my door unless I’m expecting someone. I don’t answer my phone unless I know who it is either, and not always if I do know who it is.

Some of us just value privacy and others thrive on loads of random company. Nothing wrong either way, we’re all different.

Maybe that's it. I'm older, but I've never lived in a 'close knit' community. I don't fancy the idea much.

I live in a very small village in a rural area. People always pop over. Unspoken rule is that it's ok until after dark. So up until 10ish in Summer and 4:30 pm in winter. After dark a text or phone call first.

I have honestly never in my 63 years met or heard of anyone not answering a knock at the door. Except on MN. It's would be assumed that someone who did that would be suffering from some sort of MH issue.

i love having people pop by but 9 is too late without a quick WhatsApp message first

Casual unnanounced visiting never happens in our family, at any time of day. We wouldn't dream of intruding on each other in that manner.

We do enjoy family parties etc. but it's always done with plenty of notice.

would be assumed that someone who did that would be suffering from some sort of MH issue

And I would consider those who drop by without checking first to be more than a little socially inept, not least because what if they are out?- you've just wasted two journeys unnecessarily 🙄

@MIBnightmare

Except on MN. It's would be assumed that someone who did that would be suffering from some sort of MH issue.

That's right, call people nutty if they aren't like you and the people you know. A foolish comment if ever I read one.

9pm...we'd have been in bed!

DH gets up at 5am and we've got a DC that's up at 6am. I don't think that's hugely uncommon for lots of people, and if they aren't in bed by then, they're certainly on their way.

So yeah, 9pm is far too late. But in general I quite like people popping in - I'd just tell them if I was busy!

@MIBnightmare so you have never heard of anybody working shifts, being unwell, or not feeling like having visitors?

Anyone who doesn’t answer their door has MH issues? Really?

how old was this elderly relative who knocked on the door at 9pm
Some older people in the UK are literally stuck in the 60s and 70s and think that people turn up at other people's houses with no announcement and no prior arrangement and that is just what people do - or at the very least that is what older people are entitled to do to younger people (even if they admit the world has moved on)

Mumsnet is very antisocial so everyone will agree with you

💯- turn up at mine unexpectedly, the door ain’t being answered.

But none of my friends and family would dream of doing so anyway so I know an unexpected knock isn’t anyone I want to open the door to

Our blinds are closed and doors locked sometimes as early as 6pm

this sums up a certain mumsnet segment in a single sentence

Yes, this is so true! Lived in a Soviet country briefly as a child and it drove my parents crazy.

Absolutely. It would never ever enter my head to turn up at a friends or family members house without texting or calling in advance to make sure they’re home and that it’s ok to come over.

For me it’s about respecting other peoples time, space and privacy

Wouldn't be an issue for us as the door is open until we lock up at night and people are welcome for a brew anytime. We are not people to sloth about in PJs either so another reason for it not to be an issue but I can fully understand that others won't feel the same way when someone drops by on the off chance.

The door wouldn't be opened by us either. At 9pm I'm either ready for bed or already in bed, so entertaining is out of the question .