Knock at the door at 9pm

[visitorspoppingin]

My DH knows someone who has recently moved to the area. It's an older relative. I have never met this person. Last night, at 9pm there was a knock at the door, and there she was. She said she thought she would pop by. I was in my pyjamas, and had had quite a few glasses of wine, and probably looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. Is it me, or is this a totally batshit thing to do, without making an arrangement? She has a partner & family, so it's not a case of loneliness. I don't like surprise visitors at the best of times, but 9pm at night seems insane.

Yes this is me too.
It would be okay in the summer when it’s light until 10, but not in the winter when it’s dark at 4pm.
Not really sure why.

It’s someone you know coming round at the end of the day.

Not a stranger. Not a random. It’s not 3am or emergency territory.

9pm, light outside, doors and windows open, kids are still playing out, at least a few hours left before bedtime for the grown ups at least. About the time we finish dinner so prime time for a glass of something nice or to see a friend. Often the time I get home from work ready to start my evening.

zero problems with this.

You absolutely do not have to invite her in for coffee, just say “so sorry I’m busy with work at the moment so can’t invite you in”.

Door gets locked when going to bed.

I wouldn't have answered the door to an uninvited visitor at 9pm.

You must have missed the part where OP said she never met this person before.
It is weird OP, and I'd find it hard not to answer the door at that time of night because my first thought would be that it was one of the neighbours with an emergency.

A one off or occasionally sure no issues all the time no way

Only on MN.

No, you don’t. You do what I do if someone knocks when I’m on a Zoom and say ‘Sorry, in a meeting, can’t stop’. Stop letting her in, seriously.

Soooo what did you do OP? Did you invite her in??

And our house.

No, this is how people who respect other people's privacy and down time behave. There is no reason you can't make a quick call or text to ask if you coming around is convenient.

I don't mind people dropping by (though they may be horrified at the state of my house) but 9pm at night, without warning? No way.

9pm is too late to call on someone regardless of whether you have made an arrangement.

The OP says they are known to her DH and that they are literally related.

Not a stranger. Not a random. Though I would expect the DH to take over with the socialising part in the specific scenario (eg steering the chat and making the drinks etc)

I'd have called DH to door to deal with his relative. If he wasn't at home, I'd have said "Sorry, DH isn't in just now, I'll get him to phone you."

I don't recognise any of what you've said in your third paragraph 😁well apart from the bit about it being light outside!!

9pm, light outside (fine...), doors locked some windows are ajar, kids have been in bed since 7.30pm, grown ups are in pyjamas and also in bed. Tea finished 4 hours ago, I'm not drinking as work is too busy and I'm tired, I cannot think of anything more horrifying than entertaining someone right now. Often the time I am in bed, worrying about work and wondering how many times the 4yo will visit us overnight.

There. I fixed it 😂

Horses for courses right? We are up early and to bed early for work (and we have young children) so I prioritise my sleep. I wouldn't answer the door at 9pm but I might look on the ring doorbell and think WTF are you doing here???!! This makes me sound very tragic, I do stay up late sometimes, but I pay for it so it's not a regular thing.

We need to know what OP did?!

When the blind at the front door is closed, we're closed...

Im of the if i dont want too i dont answer.
You were in your PJ,s she should of left, rude!

It's generational. MIL regularly has people popping round and she'd do the same.

I think it's rather sad that it's now considered rude.

Sounds like a generational thing: in the 60s/70s when I was young, everyone just popped round unannounced, but I think that had a lot to do with the scarcity of home phones in those days so any arrangement would have to be by letter. And yes in those days the back door was usually left open so relatives/ neighbours would just come in without waiting for an invite.
Today, and for a long time, it has been very different, all doors locked and visits prearranged.
Maybe the relative is of the mindset that visiting relatives doesn't need to be arranged, as in, still has a 60s/70s mindset?

I wouldn't mind. But I'd expect them to text and ask after say 7pm.

^ This. I’d be fuming.

Cross post with TeenagersAngst!