He doesn't like my kids

[Amberamethyst]

Newish relationship

He doesn't like my kids and blames ex and me being too soft

When it's us we get on so well and it's bliss.

When my kids are around he changes, can't put my finger on it.

Both my kids are very additional needs so it's a big ask but they always come first to me.

He threw a complete meltdown tonight as we video calling and my 7 year old came down at 11 due to having bad dreams . I comforted her but he was really off saying it shouldn't be happening but how the fuck do I control dreams?

A near perfect man but he dislikes my kids and it's totally obvious

Relationship is over isn't it?

I'm 44 so that's kind of me done I'd say.

Hello lonely future as I'm not exactly a great catch

Please just say something comforting 😞

No man is "near perfect" (none of us are) if he won't accept you and your kids are a family. You come as a package.

Wonder how he was brought up....

Your kids need you to keep them safe. Not have some stranger interfering in your family life telling you how to bring them up.

Who cares what some random man thinks about how you raise your kids? Fuck him, it's not bliss If he doesn't like your children!

Bin!

He is nowhere “near perfect”

Aw, c’mon OP
At 44 you are no where near washed up.
A new relationship, and he’s happy to criticise your parenting? Would you EVER criticise someone’s parenting? Especially someone you care for? Of course not!
Ask yourself this- where do the criticisms go from here? Not to a good place, that’s for sure

At least it's a good thing you saw his real face sooner than later, OP.

You aren't being unreasonable to end it but don't say that's you done for either. You are a good catch and you're not old.

Throw him back. Prick.

I sincerely hope you’ve never left this man unattended with your children even for a minute.

He's not 'near perfect' he is able to put on a facade until he's actually met with something he doesn't like.......which is your kids. He'd already be gone if that was me.

Any man so selfish and unkind as to throw a fit because a child has a nightmare is completely unworthy of your time

He'd be gone immediately. It's never going to work.

This is bullshit. The kids always come first.

Not on the step-parent board. The new woman is always to be #1 or else the man is a shitty human.

That thread is so irrelevant. Comforting a child who’s had a nightmare is not putting them over your partner again and again. If she’d chance a weekend away at the last minute because said child said I want you to stay with me mummy then that’s different.
at 44 you are by no means done op! But this relationship is.

It's not just the kids. This man without children is judging you and saying you are not a good parent. Out of respect for yourself get rid.

@Amberamethyst

"Hello lonely future as I'm not exactly a great catch"

You know who isn't a great catch? HIM!

Now for the something comforting. 44 is not old. You are not "done" unless you want to be. I'll be 60 in a few months. I am an attractive woman (look about 10 years or so younger than I am), well-educated and dare I say fun? I've been on my own since my early 30's. Not initially "by choice," but I have to say I certainly am on my own by choice now. I have no tolerance for anyone telling me that I am living my life the wrong way, making bad decisions, spending MY money in ways that I shouldn't, etc. It is my life; I am happy with where the decisions that I have made have led me, and I can't tell you how much money I've seen men spend on things that I don't think they should spend their money on. Being on your own can be awesome. And I know so many "coupled" woman who feel lonely more often than I do.

I do not have children, but (in my opinion) your children should come first. The thread that @Freefall212 pointed to (in my opinion) is just one more example of a man that doesn't actually want to be responsible for his child, and is more than willing to sacrifice the comfort of the woman that is supposed to be his equal partner so that he doesn't have to be uncomfortable.

Doesn’t sound like the first time he has been negative about your children, and critical of you OP.

Are you going to make it the last time or are you hoping you can somehow either change him or work out a way to split yourself in two?

I also really hope your DC were never left alone with him. There is NO future here. Bin him.

Why the actual fuck are you with him?

You have kids with additional needs. Sorry, but you need to stop dating and focus on your children for several years to come.

Smh.

Jeez if he openly gets into a meltdown over something like that then why are you even still debating being with him? Newish relationship I would have ended it there and then.

Fuck that. Why would you even want to be with someone who doesn't like your kids?

That's what you took from that thread?

I think most people were saying to leave. Not that it was in anyway similar to this thread, except for the fact it involved children and adults. Weird thread to link to.

@Amberamethyst I do agree with you. He's not the man for you so just throw him back.

You sound like a lovely mum and I parent in a similar way. You don't NEED a man ya know? You're better off alone than with the wrong man.

Of course it’s over. Your kids are priority and come first. Why would you need to ask this on a forum? Get rid of him asap.