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Original poster

He doesn't like my kids

170 replies

Amberamethyst · 02/07/2023 00:40

Newish relationship

He doesn't like my kids and blames ex and me being too soft

When it's us we get on so well and it's bliss.

When my kids are around he changes, can't put my finger on it.

Both my kids are very additional needs so it's a big ask but they always come first to me.

He threw a complete meltdown tonight as we video calling and my 7 year old came down at 11 due to having bad dreams . I comforted her but he was really off saying it shouldn't be happening but how the fuck do I control dreams?

A near perfect man but he dislikes my kids and it's totally obvious

Relationship is over isn't it?

I'm 44 so that's kind of me done I'd say.

Hello lonely future as I'm not exactly a great catch

Please just say something comforting 😞

OP posts:
DemelzaandRoss · 04/07/2023 17:49

This relationship is doomed.
How could you possibly have feelings for someone who dislikes your DC?
Don’t put your DC through this.
End this before any real damage is done.

AriettyClock22 · 04/07/2023 17:55

A newish relationship and he thinks he can discipline your kids? And shows active dislike towards them? Nah, it's doomed.

Testina · 04/07/2023 17:57

How does a “newish” man spend enough time with them to know he’s firm and become scared of him?

“He says they aren't like that with him but I think it's because they are a bit scared of him as he's v v firm.”

Kitkatfiend31 · 04/07/2023 17:58

Yes this relationship is over. But it doesn't mean a lonely future at all. A friend met a great partner at 60 and is very happy.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 04/07/2023 18:02

He is a wanker and you are better off without him. He is obv not cut out for a mature relationship with a woman with kids as he sounds needy, jealous, selfish and demanding. 44 is still plenty of time to meet the right person. Don’t settle!

Itsdecisiontimeisitnot · 04/07/2023 18:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hyppogriff · 04/07/2023 18:26

Well done for acknowledging - massive red flag there - you need to call it off and stand firm on that one.

Americano75 · 04/07/2023 18:33

Dump him.

Raise your standards.

Know your worth.

RockerbyRedling · 04/07/2023 21:21

He sounds awful. In my experience it usually happens the other way around. For the first 6 months or so they put on a facade then after a while their true colours start to show through.

If 6 pages of mother's, daughters, grandma's and granddaughters all saying the same thing isn't enough then sadly nothing ever will be.

He doesn't even come close to perfect. Would hazard a guess that he doesn't have children of his own. Please don't take it personal against your DC. I'd say he dislikes all children.

Pretty clear he's only happy if they are out of the picture and he is getting his own way.

Dump and move on! You will find someone who not only accepts but loves both you and your DC the way you are.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/07/2023 21:25

44 isn't too old to find love again don't be silly!

But this guy doesn't sound loving anyway I'd take single over him

Ontheperiphery79 · 04/07/2023 21:40

Why are you still with him when you suspect that your children are scares of him?!

My children have SEN and I've been single for 5 years. It's my choice not to date and I don't judge any single parent who does date at ALL. I've stayed on my own because both my children can be very challenging in their own way and I just don't think i could accommodate a relationship at this stage.

Be with someone who thinks your kids are ace, not some twat who has a shit fit because your child comes to you for comfort.

You all deserve better (and he deserves dumping!).

FortynFabulous · 04/07/2023 21:45

Your DC should be you number one priority. How could you have any sort of feelings for someone who dislikes your DC and treats you in this way.

If you're looking for a red flag then it's right in front of your face! Its time to end it before any real pysical or emotional damage is done to both you or your DC.

However I fear from the lack of response after the original post we will see you posting again in several months.

Teafortwoo · 05/07/2023 07:42

'Near perfect' but hates your children. Criticises you, your children and you ability as a parent. Total disrespect of how you choose to parent your children.

'Newish relationship' but your children are already scared to death of him. He's already trying to control you and the children and by stamping his authority.

It won't belong before the controling emotional abuse and bullying starts. Manipulating you with his anger, his moods, his meltdowns every time he doesn't approve or get what he wants. It all begins somewhere and this right now is the first signs.

Thank goodness it was over a video call and not in person. Heaven knows what he would have said or done to your precious daughter.

140 replies all saying the same thing, all singing from the same hymn sheet. I pray that you listen to at least one of them 🙏🏻.

Get shot before it's to late. There's no telling what irreparable damage he could do to you and your DC.

You know what you need to do, the signs are already there. Huge red flags right infront of your face. The question is are you will to do it or would you rather put yourself and your DCs safety at risk over fear of being alone.

londonrach · 05/07/2023 07:46

What a nasty horrible man. You right it's over and good riddance to him. When the time is right someone will appear that's right for you. You only 44!

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/07/2023 07:47

He sounds like the sort of bloke who will eventually end up on the news. SEN parent here, I've chosen to stay single because it's the safest option for my child currently. I don't want any man coming along and telling me what to do, especially when they haven't got a clue. You fortunately have the awareness that some women do not.

AgnesX · 05/07/2023 07:49

Nothing remotely perfect about him if he can't comprehend your children's needs. Definitely time to call it a day.

superplumb · 05/07/2023 08:20

Get rid. Additional needs or not, I wouldn't entertain any man who spoke about my children or parenting style like that. Nor would I ever trust him alone with my children of I had to dash off somewhere. He sounds like tool. I'd rather be alone than with my like that. He sounds jealous of sharing you and relationships like that rarely end well. Cut your losses.

ChrisTrepidation · 05/07/2023 08:25

He's not near perfect. He doesn't like your children and as a mother that makes him as far from perfect as you can be!

You're idealising him because you want to be in a relationship. In reality he needs to get straight in the bin!

BlueLiquid · 05/07/2023 08:28

I find myself arranging to meet him when they aren't there or are with their dad.

Honestly OP, no new boyfriend should be around your children until you’re very, very sure that they’ll be around long term.

I think it might be an idea to explore why you’re second guessing yourself on this one. This man is clearly a prick and your response after the video call incident should have been to tell him it was over and then hang up.

HAF1119 · 05/07/2023 08:33

Your children are an extension of you and for anything serious they should be accepted whole heartedly by any potential partner, if anything in early stages they should be putting in extra effort and singing their praises as they get to know each other and he puts effort into making both them and you comfortable with a potential new person in their life.

That's not what's happening. Right or wrong aside in terms of 'parenting styles' his approach doesn't sound kind or accepting in regards to your children, and you're non compatible in terms of how they should be treated. I don't believe anyone should tell someone else how to parent (barring abuse or similar) and you know what works best in your family better than a relative newcomer

There are other people out there don't be disheartened, try to find someone who accepts the whole package not just the 'fun dating honeymoon period' of you, but the highs, lows, and darn right struggles of a family unit!

Teggybear · 05/07/2023 08:42

From being in previous long term relationships you should know that men don't change. They're great at putting on a front to get what they want but when their true colours start showing you should run for the hills because that is their true self.

Sadly many women in this situation will ignore the red flags. Ignore all the adivce and support given to them from here or from family and friends believing that they will change or they can change them. Ending up in a toxic relationship they cannot get out of and both they and their children suffer unimaginable emotional and potential physical hurt.

I hope you end it before it's to late. But experience tells me that you will ignore all advice here and allow him to continue the abuse in hope of change.

CheeseBandit · 05/07/2023 09:06

I find people who don’t have children think they should just ‘grow up’ even when they are 7/11. Even at 11 they are still children, I was still playing with toys at that age. Teenagers can take up a lot of your time, more than toddlers. Just because they look grown up doesn’t mean they are.

I have a friend who has just moved in with her BF of 7 years, her youngest has just done their GCSEs so thought it was a good time. There’s nothing wrong with prioritising your children, they are making lots of plans for their future now.

Toearlyforbedtime · 05/07/2023 10:09

Sounds to me like you would have been better off staying with your ex. Regardless of anything else at least he understood your kids and had the same parental views of you.

He's obviously only wants you and the fun times. Not the responsibility that comes with you having young children. Clearly only interested in one thing.

Get rid while you have the chance before it gets any worse and you and your children suffer even more heartache and pain.

BungalowBuyer · 05/07/2023 10:16

He's so far from nearly perfect, he's a real danger to your children. He's already trying to get you to respond to their needs with discipline so they don't disturb his time with you.

There's no question that your dc come first and he needs to go asap.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 05/07/2023 10:17

ugh, he sounds utterly odious. 44 is no age. I met my DH at 43, now blissfully married, baby, house, dogs. The works. Never say never unless it’s in the context of never dating a child hating prick again/

in the 🗑️ he goes with the rest of the useless rubbish nobody wants.

….and raise your standards, this cretin is as far from ‘perfect’ as you can possibly get.

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