Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He doesn't like my kids

170 replies

Amberamethyst · 02/07/2023 00:40

Newish relationship

He doesn't like my kids and blames ex and me being too soft

When it's us we get on so well and it's bliss.

When my kids are around he changes, can't put my finger on it.

Both my kids are very additional needs so it's a big ask but they always come first to me.

He threw a complete meltdown tonight as we video calling and my 7 year old came down at 11 due to having bad dreams . I comforted her but he was really off saying it shouldn't be happening but how the fuck do I control dreams?

A near perfect man but he dislikes my kids and it's totally obvious

Relationship is over isn't it?

I'm 44 so that's kind of me done I'd say.

Hello lonely future as I'm not exactly a great catch

Please just say something comforting 😞

OP posts:
Caramellois · 02/07/2023 06:12

He sounds awful. You are still young in my eyes. My mother got more proposals in her fifties than I did in my twenties. She had incredible warmth and empathy. The kicker is that she was still married to my father who was older and had Alzheimers and was in care. We are also talking about good quality men here - nice, financially solvent men who wanted to sweep my mother off her feet. (She was more interested in her grandchildren to be fair.)

Recently, my husband began giving lifts to the golf club to a woman who didn't have transport. One of the other club members took over the giving of lifts as it was "on his way". My husband has just received the wedding photographs! The bride in her sixties was beaming at her husband in his early seventies. Most annoyingly for my husband, the new husband is playing like a demon and winning everything.

My husband's stepmother, who was was widowed, married again in her late seventies. She had the whole engagement party, the engagement ring and the huge family wedding (with all their various assorted children and grandchildren). Her husband was in great shape for somebody near eighty. They were going off to vacations on tropical islands and having a great time.

Lwrenagain · 02/07/2023 06:14

This motherfucker is so much of a red flag I'm shocked bulls aren't charging into him in the streets.

In the bin.

You know you and your DC deserve better ❤

Ihatepickingausername3 · 02/07/2023 06:15

No. You deserve far better than that. I would end it. I wouldn’t be pandering to that shit. You’ve already got two children and don’t need another one!!

Quiverer · 02/07/2023 06:18

He's not a near perfect man if he really thinks you should ignore a distressed child who has had a bad dream.

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 06:21

“He doesn’t like my kids”

Well I would hate the very ground he walks on.

End of

SauronsArsehole · 02/07/2023 06:21

Amberamethyst · 02/07/2023 00:48

I did the wrong thing, we've been together a while and I've shared too much about how they speak to me and treat me. Both severe ADHD, autism and one with a genetic condition

But in not discussing it, that wouldn't be right either

😢

No you didn’t, also a SEND single mum, you told him exactly who your kids are and their struggles and he’s decided he can parent them out of asd and adhd.

let him swing his dick around elsewhere. youve recognised he is a potential bully and it wouldn’t be long before he stepped in to take charge probably shattering your kids self esteem.

Thegoodbadandugly · 02/07/2023 06:21

As most other people have said this is a huge red flag, he has no understanding of your children and never will. It is not a relationship if the only time you can see him is without your children it would never progress further than that.

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 06:22

Hello lonely future as I'm not exactly a great catch

oh grow up. The fact you’re with this man for a nanosecond after you first got a whiff of his feelings towards your children reveals that you really are desperate for anything

RachelNoire · 02/07/2023 06:23

Why do you even mention “lonely future” when this utter man child you’ve barely known is criticising your parenting & your 7 yo for needing to be comforted at night?

he is selfish and nasty and should be dumped already! There are other decent guys out there. Your children come first.

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 06:27

I have just had the horror of reading your past threads OP

*you met this man for the first in Jan 2023

*April 2023 you start a thread about trying for a baby and ovulation tests

*July 2023 you start this thread about how he doesn’t like your kids

FFS

Beezknees · 02/07/2023 06:27

Get rid. Do not put your poor kids through this.

And being single does not equal being lonely. I've been a single parent for 15 years and I'm certainly not lonely. There are plenty of ways to lead a fulfilling life without a relationship.

Beezknees · 02/07/2023 06:29

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 06:27

I have just had the horror of reading your past threads OP

*you met this man for the first in Jan 2023

*April 2023 you start a thread about trying for a baby and ovulation tests

*July 2023 you start this thread about how he doesn’t like your kids

FFS

Oh wow.

If this is true then I think you could benefit from some therapy. Thinking about having kids with someone you've know for 3 months is utterly ridiculous. You are behaving selfishly and not putting your kids best interests first.

Fleetheart · 02/07/2023 06:33

When you have SEN kids, you know that it’s not a simple matter. It’s hard work looking after them, there is judgment and there are many times you will doubt yourself. The last thing you need is someone telling you you’re not doing it right. you will find that makes it harder for you which is the absolute opposite of what you need. Also, a lack of empathy like that is very telling.
So, yes, agree it is time to get rid of him. You have plenty of time to find someone- but actually the kids have to come first as you know already.

Fiddlesticks82 · 02/07/2023 06:36

Beezknees · 02/07/2023 06:29

Oh wow.

If this is true then I think you could benefit from some therapy. Thinking about having kids with someone you've know for 3 months is utterly ridiculous. You are behaving selfishly and not putting your kids best interests first.

Show quote history

It is true

AS the OP username

depressing

VeganStar · 02/07/2023 06:57

This man ISN’T near perfect, he’s only acting like he is… for now!
He’s biding his time.

Goodness knows what he’d really be like if you ignored this massive red flag he’s waving around, and started living together.

He’d soon show his true colours and start bullying you into letting him deal his way with any behaviour he thought shouldn’t be happening.

This man has narcissistic, controlling bully written all over him.

Get him gone.

It’s never too late to meet someone truly lovely and you’re still young. You and your children deserve better.

slore · 02/07/2023 07:00

It's not acceptable for him to be judging and criticising your parenting. It's not his place.

He is ableist and doesn't understand additional needs and thinks it's possible to discipline it out of them.

He also sounds like the type who would soon end up bullying or outright abusing your children in the name of firmness.

Sycasmores · 02/07/2023 07:11

This will only get worse. Defend your children from the man you invited into their house....he is no where near perfect. He's awful! And will only become more awful.

BadNomad · 02/07/2023 07:21

Ugh. Don't have a child with a man you are not on the same page with when it comes to parenting.

RedTedBoom · 02/07/2023 07:33

My SEN teen still has bad dreams & comes to me for comfort, to talk them though. Sometimes it's every night, just imagine OP this man having a strop every night for the next 10 years......
Or your child stops coming to you when they need you as they can't talk about what is bothering them in front of him.
And I speak as a widow with a new partner who supports me even when he doesn't always understand why things need to be that way, he accepts that it's my decision & when things are rough he is there
You need to finish this take a breather & then who knows what the future holds

Sapphire387 · 02/07/2023 07:41

The thing is, he is conflating normal child behaviour with being 'wrong'.

E.g. the bedtime thing. Perfectly normal and natural to comfort a child who had had a bad dream. Not so ok if said child is just getting up and down constantly having not had a bad dream. He seems to think your child is being naughty and basically has no idea about kids. So I can't see how he would make a decent stepfather.

Whatwouldnanado · 02/07/2023 07:43

Run for the hills. You and your children deserve better.

Hiddenvoice · 02/07/2023 07:46

I’d happily get rid of him. He has no respect for you or your family. As you say your children come first, he doesn’t understand additional needs and never will. A child who has a bad dream wants comforted, if he cannot understand that and gets annoyed then he’s not the right person.

Youre 44, your love life is definitely not over! You’ll meet someone else who is a better fit for you and your family.

Ansjovis · 02/07/2023 07:47

Put your kids first, you know what you need to do. My mum didn't do this and as a result we are not in contact. There were other issues before that point but marrying a man who openly disliked and was abusive towards me was unforgiveable.

whiteroseredrose · 02/07/2023 07:54

Don't waste your time. He won't change so there is no future in it.

Hollyppp · 02/07/2023 07:59

He’s not right for you

Swipe left for the next trending thread