Not to send my children to private school even though I can afford it

[AdamRyan]

I believe in comprehensive education and think children should all be educated together, to improve social mobility and prevent a "brain drain" where less privileged children go to some schools, and more privileged go to others.
Am I in the minority and being naive?

YANBU - comprehensive schools are the way to go
YABU - I'd send my children private if I could

If you're happy with the local comp then save the money, go on a few nice holidays and give them a hefty deposit when they buy a house.

Private schools are overrated in my opinion. Many kids still end up being tutored which makes me wonder what are they paying for in the first place.

If you’re happy with it and it’s what you believe in, go for it.

Other people will keep sending their kids to private if they want to, so it won’t make any massive societal difference either way.

We are in the same boat. I want DC to mix with people from all kinds of backgrounds not just a select few that are deemed appropriate.

So Adam, are you still freelance?

I think it's a noble theory and would work well if everyone subscribed to it. In practice it is quite dependent on what schools are available to you, most are not in a great position due to funding and teacher retention.

Ultimately, I would sacrifice my principles to give my children the best advantage I could if I could afford to. Mine go to comprehensive/state schools because I can't but I still pay for a tutor, music lessons, extra curricular activities etc. so i do think the divide would be there even if all children were state-educated.

I’m not voting because my DC are at Private school.
In my experience Parents who trot out the “I could afford Private school but I dont agree with them” aren’t facing a choice between Private and a Comprehensive in Special Measures.
If you only other option is a really crappy school and you choose to sacrifice your child on the alter of your own ideology then I judge you, hard.

Agree but as above not the sink school. But I don't believe teaching is any better, much better to pay for tutoring on top if needed and lots of extra curricular.

Save your money the only thing private school does is teach them to be snobs. My dad went to private school…snob. my business partner…snob. my sister went to private school…snob

and btw none of those people above have done anything decent with their lives.

If the option was a failing comp or paying for private (if I could afford it) then I'd chose private. Where we were living previously our catchment was a crap comp with dire results and poor behaviour. Dc is a quiet (more on anxious side) and hard working child and would've been eaten alive. It was one of the reasons we moved. We couldn't afford to pay another £250k to move into a good catchment. We've moved to a place with lots of grammars and dc got a place.

We could afford private schooling but our children attend state schools. I will admit we live in an area with v good state schools. DDs grammar school results are on par with the 38k per year private school in out time. Which to me makes it seem even crazier that parents will pay these fees . Am not sure having a posh sports centre is worth this money. I'd rather go on more holidays.

• in our town

Oh I recall so many parents who said that at the lovely, leafy, cofe outstanding primary theirs and ours went to. Until they reached the middle of year 5.

Paid up members of BLiar's Labour Party too and very good at drinking champagne.

One of them once gave me a real old lecture about her principles (actually they did send theirs to the local cofe comp) despite neither her nor her dh seemingly working, but enjoying Glyndebourne, Wimbledon, Henley etc, from the comfort of their heavily extended house, now worth about £1.4m. I so enjoyed giving her a hard Paddington stare and allowing the words "good job dh and I have no principles then".

We have one of the top comps in the country near us, and plenty of very wealthy parents send their dc there, so I don't think it's an unusual pov.

Our dc1 is in a prep, and quite a few children go on to the comp as it has good results (for a non-selective) and a high Oxbridge acceptance rate.

When the time comes, we will apply for the comp and have a good chance of getting in based on distance, but our dcs will probably still sit some 11+ private selective exams. I won't make the decision based on ideology or politics, but rather what is the best option for our dcs. The facilities and opportunities for trips at the comp aren't as good as at the private schools, and I wouldn't be prepared for my dcs to miss out on opportunities just because of an ideological belief. Under the current government, funding for state schools is worse than ever, behaviour and mental health amongst young people has declined post-covid, the cost of living crisis means that schools are having to deal with more challenges and teaching recruitment and retention is poor. All this might improve by the time my dcs start secondary school - but as things stand, the gap between provision in state and private is ever widening, so it could be even worse.

@Happygerbil has it occurred to you that the £38k pa school may get the same results as the grammar from dc who might not have got a grammar school place?

Thank you for illustrating my point .
I agree it IS crazy to pay fees like that when you have decent State provision, not all of us do.
And as for moving house instead it was cheaper to go Private and we love where we live

If I lived in the catchment for amazing state schools then I would have chosen state. Unfortunately I wasn't very impressed with my local state schools so mine are privately educated.

🙄 obviously yanbu 😴

93% of kids go to state school. And the majority of those kids thrive on it. Obviously if the only local option is a desperately bad state school, then maybe you’ll be forced to think again but the vast majority of state schools do well by the majority of kids.

I went to state school with many, many middle class kids with professional parents who probably could’ve afforded to have chosen differently but didn’t.

If you can afford it, spend the money you’ll save on school fees cultural experiences, extra curricular activities, holidays etc.

This is the reality of state schools and why teachers are striking https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4839390-school-budget-cuts-is-this-normal I’ve taught in both. If money were not a problem I would 100% send my child to a private school

If you're happy that your local state school is a generally happy, safe school and that the pupils have a good quality of education and opportunities, send your DC to state.

If you don't think that the quality of education in your local state is good quality then sending your children to a worse school so you can pay yourself on the back and wax lyrical about your political views seems silly to me.

If I had the opportunity to give my DC a better education then I would because I'm not going to sit there when they're 15 saying "yes dear we could have given you a great education, but Mummy and Daddy were too worried about random people calling us champagne socialists (because they seem to think it's impossible to advocate for better services unless you sacrifice your children), so we decided you were better off having lots of supply staff, an underfunded school, a restricted set of GCSE options and fewer enrichment opportunities."

Yes that is a nice idea

but let’s be honest particularly in London the best high schools are not so mixed with children from all backgrounds the better school the children are overwhelmingly middle class and If they didn’t get into the school a large number of them would be going to private schools

This thread is not real.

And the very idea of children ‘all being educated together’ - when the catchment for one state school is £3 million pound houses, and for another it’s ‘hotels’ packed with homeless people and miles and miles with no fresh food available in any shop.

Laughable (if not deliberate) absence of critical thought being invited here.

Anyone buying houses in good catchment areas, getting tutor's, extracurricular activities, and so on are still buying advantage for their DC. They might feel morally superior but the reality is most will do what they feel is best for their DC.

You do you, buddy.

I think it’s pretty mad that there are people on this thread who seem to think having principles is about virtue signalling that you’re not a champagne socialist, rather than genuinely wanting a more equal society and/ or wanting your children to grow up knowing money can't but everything.

Also, I do think if all middle class parents take their kids out of the state system will only the make the funding situation will get worse (e.g schools with wealthier PTAs can afford more enrichment etc). We all benefit from a better educated society, so allowing that gap to widen seems short-sighted.