Not to send my children to private school even though I can afford it

[AdamRyan]

I believe in comprehensive education and think children should all be educated together, to improve social mobility and prevent a "brain drain" where less privileged children go to some schools, and more privileged go to others.
Am I in the minority and being naive?

YANBU - comprehensive schools are the way to go
YABU - I'd send my children private if I could

I agree with your ideology but also admit it's easy for me as I live somewhere where the three excellent state secondaries out perform the one private option on an exam results basis.

I guess if I lived somewhere with a bleak choice of good private or shitty comprehensive I may not be so noble
Very well said.

I rather suspect many people don't appreciate the reality of some schools at the moment.

I'd much rather spend the money to move or live in an area with decent state schools.

Moving house to get into the catchment for a better state school is NO different from paying private school fees. It’s still about paying more in order to access a better education.

OP, what are your state options like? If you’re lucky to live in an area with brilliant state options (for example, Winchester), then of course there is no need to pay for private school. You have already paid a premium for your house instead.

Well that's a sweeping statement based on your sample set of 3

I wish the politicians would bin off private schools.

If there was no two tier system, the politicians would sort out state education as they'd finally be interested in getting it right.

Did I want the DC to get 44IB points and 4A* at A'Level and to have limited sporting and musical opportunities. Did I want them to finish and say "nah innit"? Not particularly.

And all this nonsense about diversity and being able to mix with anyone and everyone. What absolute rot. Not many highly educated professionals rub shoulders with bin men and squaddies. They will be polite and nice down the pub, but they won't be their mates.

Some of the most elite SW London comps, especially the church ones, are run along the lines of apartheid but their so principled parents go along with it, although wouldn't send their dc to the sink comps and would faint if their DC announced they were going to a gathering on Battersea's Patmore Estate, or Wandsworth's Arndale.

The principles of some of the Trinity Bromptonesque parents grind my gears. I'd actually rather my dc had been mates with ordinary, decent working class children.

I live in a place with one secondary school. When we moved here I didn't even consider the school rankings (oldest child was 2). The school is not in special measures but then again i don't fully buy into ofsted ratings either as they seem too influenced by socioeconomic factors.

As an adult, I've encountered all sorts of routes to get to the same end point so I just don't think school is that much of a factor.

Also my area is not deprived but when I moved there, I did so because it was significantly cheaper than the nearby city. At that time I was working public sector and very strapped for cash, exH and I bought the bottom end house in an area many people wouldn't consider

We probably could afford it but v anti. DC at a large comp. Not without its challenges but wow do I admire the teaching staff. On the whole the standard of teaching has been amazing.

No, you're not being naive, my kids have all thrived in state education as did I. Stay true to your beliefs and principles.

In my view your first responsibility is to your DC.

I didn't intend to send my child to private school but when I looked around the local nurseries the prep school nursery was the best fit for my DS. I intended for him to transfer to our village preschool and school but then Covid hit. We couldn't even look around the school prior to entry, there were no settling visits at all. There was no way I was ripping him from all he knew and putting him into a school which hadn't been inspected for 12 years and I couldn't even visit.

No regrets about private, its exactly what he needs and I will work 24 hours a day if I have to, to keep him there.

I get so many judgmental comments but if I look him in the eye and know I've done right by him, that's all that matters to me.

When we moved here I didn't even consider the school rankings (oldest child was 2). The school is not in special measures but then again i don't fully buy into ofsted ratings either as they seem too influenced by socioeconomic factors.

As an adult, I've encountered all sorts of routes to get to the same end point so I just don't think school is that much of a factor.
I'd not be swayed on a school being Ofsted outstanding or Ofsted good, but i would be bothered if a school didn't have good outcomes for students and/or locally I hear other parents saying that too much time is spent dealing with the loud minority (usually minority) of students who disrupt learning for others.

I've worked in a school where the community was historically very anti-school and I'd never send my DC to a school like it. I want my DC to have teachers who are able to teach, in a school that is calm and safe.

Ah if only all kidx could have 'the best fit'

It completely depends on the school options available to you whether private schools buy a better education. We live in a location with only one realistic option for state secondary. My DD goes to a private school instead. The quality of the teaching is undoubtely higher - possibly because they can afford to pay teachers more (not true of every private school). As her school is selective, they can tailor teaching to the cohort - the pace is much faster which means she isn't bored any more and is learning more than she would in our local state school. Probably the biggest difference is the behaviour. Our local state school is well known for pretty awful behaviour (again, not all state schools) - that takes time away from learning and my DD would struggle to tolerate it - and I don't see why she should. We haven't sent her to private school to access an elite network (that didn't work for me or DH) or to get a better career. We've sent her so that she can enjoy the experience. The extracurricular opportunities are also excellent - she loves debating and they have a variety of debating clubs. I don't think our local state school has one. It's not surprising the provision isn't the same - we're paying at least 3x what the state sector gets per pupil.

If your choice is anything like ours, then by all means sacrifice your child to a Tory-underfunded education system on its knees, but don't kid yourself that it doesn't matter. If your choice is better than ours then enjoy not having to make a truly difficult decision.

Good for you. I don't judge people who do choose private. I just didn't appreciate the implication I was lying when I said I wouldn't on the other thread

Look at all the local schools and pick the one that feels right for your DC, without considering whether it's a comp or private. I don't think a child's education should be dictated by a parent's idealism - whether that is belief in the state system or thinking private buys you a better kind of friend [hm].

What matters is that your child is secure, in an environment conducive to learning, where bullying is dealt with swiftly, where MH and SEN issues have support and where they can study the subjects they want to learn. So I would be wary of a school that didn;t do three separate sciences at GCSE, for example. Or a school that had a high turnover of teachers.

I would go private, if the school is good, because the state system is on its knees, having been run into the ground for over a decade. Teachers are leaving in droves, core subjects have no teaching staff. Facilities are underfunded. Classrooms are overcrowded. Cheap inexperienced teachers are expected to deal with the complex needs of very diverse learners. State schooling is a nice idea but it's often not given the money and equipment it needs to thrive.

We could afford it too, but don’t, as our local state school is fine. I am saving money atm and will instead get the dc through university with no debt, get them driving lessons and a car, and potentially a deposit for a small flat. Imo that all is collectively worth more than the value added at an average private school over a good state school, for a Dc who is neither a genius nor struggling

Sausageinabun, sending ones kids to state school is not 'sacrificing' them

My parents chose not to privately educate my brother and I for the exact reasons you’ve said. We’ve both turned out fine :) and I personally think the social mobility argument is the best reason to avoid private schools.

Yeepiyayay, and yet this thread is full of 'sweeping statements ' about state schools

Some kids will do well whatever school they go to, but what about the ones that could achieve and prosper in the right environment, but end up sinking by virtue of being in a bad one?

There are always posters in these threads proudly stating their own children did well, safe in the knowledge that their children got what they needed from school to be successful as adults, but what if their children had crashed and burned? Is that acceptable collateral damage? What’s more important to you, your political principles or your children?

As far as ‘private kids only get good grades because they’re spoon fed’ - it’s strange that kids being supported to achieve their potential is being painted as a bad thing, yet at the same time those stating it claim to want the same to be available to all. Is the desired outcome improved prospects for all, then? Or shit ones for everyone?

It is if the state school is dire, you're doing it for ideologial reasons and you have a genuine alternative then it is sacrificing your child's experience for ideology.

"State til 8". Loads of wealthy parents send thier kids to state school then around the age of 8 realise that a better teaching ratio plus loads of extra facilities means their child isn't going to have to fight quite as hard to succeed at private school.

If you can afford to send your DC to a private school you can afford to move to the catchment of a good state school. The reality is the biggest impact on children's educational achievement is not the school they go to but the educational status of their primary carer. Followed by how many books are in the house. Middle class kids do well wherever they go to school.

We earn enough to send our children private but it would require too many compromises for no benefit.

Sausageinabun, sending ones kids to state school is not 'sacrificing' them
It's not, if they are good schools.

It is if your local options are poor schools, and a parent decides that what's important to them is their child having a crap education in order to sit online saying they're one of the good guys.

If people really are claiming that they'd send their children state on principle because of some deep philosophical and political belief that means they're all about the greater good, then the logical outcome is that they'd also send their children to the schools in special measures, the schools with high levels of supply staff and no consistency, the schools that have well documented bullying problems, the schools where pupils report not feeling safe, the schools where the children don't reach their potential etc.

If they're only willing to do state because the state schools near them are good then it really isn't a principle issue. It's just like any other parent wanting a decent education for their children, and they're fortunate that their local state offer is good.

Sausage, I just dont feel my kids have to have the very best of everything and that includes their education. They are thriving.