Not to send my children to private school even though I can afford it

[AdamRyan]

I believe in comprehensive education and think children should all be educated together, to improve social mobility and prevent a "brain drain" where less privileged children go to some schools, and more privileged go to others.
Am I in the minority and being naive?

YANBU - comprehensive schools are the way to go
YABU - I'd send my children private if I could

I'll get flamed, but I want my DS to bring home a gf from a good family, with great values and education. Higher chance of that in a private school.

If it's a rough school well.. sorry but higher chance of your kid mixing with the wrong crowds or people not going to university etc.

Your choice of partner in life highly impacts of how happy you will be in life.

I don't like the royal family but look at Kate and Pippa. Do you think they would have found such good husbands at a rough school? Maybe. But chances are small.

It's not fair that some families have no choice but to send kids to a not-such-a-great school, but such is life :/

I am in the same position and I went to private school myself. Private education is not a good thing for society, but most people who went or send/aspire to send their children will never say anything negative about it, because it makes them feel bad about the advantage they have or are buying.

I don’t see how hiving children off in a bubble and conferring every kind of advantage on them, and then sending them out to lead the other 93% (via the media, the judiciary, politics, finance etc where privately educated people are hugely over-represented) can’t be right. They fundamentally don’t, in general, understand the lives of others. It’s one of the reasons we have such an incompetent government

We could easily send our kids private but we don’t and won’t. They are teenagers, they go to ordinary state schools, in London, we didn’t move to be in catchment, in fact one of the schools was poorly rated by ofsted several years ago but has now improved.

I completely agree with the OP and it’s great to hear someone express this view for a change. I personally think the private system as it stands should not exist at all. And I say that as someone who was privately educated in a pretty top school for my entire school life.

How many people do you know who stuck with their partners from school? I'm all for picking the right school for your child, but that one never occurred to me!

'How many people do you know who stuck with their partners from school?'

Maybe not many relationships but friendships - I know of many.

It's not just great for choosing partners, but also for choosing your friends, peers. @SausageinaBun

@FridaRose are Kate and Pippa’s husbands objectively “good” or are they just “rich”? Rich and good are not the same thing. Those rumours about William cheating just won’t go away, will they? And Pippa’s husband? Pretty sure she wouldn’t give that guy a second look if he wasn’t minted

@FridaRose - that's not what you said though, is it?

We sent our son private for a year and it was a bit of a joke (I know they vary). I've never met so many hairdressers in my life!!

The extras were seismic - the uniform, the swimming etc, the clubs when they closed way sooner than state-school terms.

Our son even put on loads of weight that year as they had such a small playground.

I'm convinced he was mixing with more intelligent children when he went back to a state school the following year.

So what are you planning to do with all the money saved then? Leave it to them as inheritance ? Doesn’t sound very social mobility like to me.

Yes, absolutely.

A lot of successful / wealthy people come from disadvantaged backgrounds. Bring them up to be as independent as possible . Confidence is King .

I’ve got a friend who is a very vocal Labour Party supporter, any election her social media is drowning in support, she doesn’t support private schools or grammar schools, believes in equality, works in inner city schools, her son has just finished 7 years at a boys grammar school, because he is different and needs to be challenged… so she says.

Ours is. It's not shit because of the teachers. It's shit because we live in a neglected town with no direction or innovation. There are no leisure facilities, clubs for young people, decent jobs etc etc. How on earth do you attract good (any?) teachers when there is nothing for them to come to? They have huge problems with recruitment and a huge amount of pastoral need. We live in a deprived area which creates a variety of specific needs.

I send one of my DC to private school. He is quiet, well behaved, physically and emotionally immature and has a mild learning need. I'm not prepared to put his needs behind my idealistic principles. If our education system was equal then great but it's not and your kidding yourself if you think that it is. People buy opportunities in many ways whether that be through tutors, houses in catchments or extra-curricular activities.

You do whatever suits you and your family. We live in the best part of London with so many amazing state schools, and our child is in one of them. I would say that we are on the poor side (and our combined income is decent for London) in the school. The social mix is mainly nonexistent; the percentage of free school meals pupils is 2%. After two years of witnessing what’s going on in our state school, we are looking to move our child to a private school. The school is underfunded, teachers are leaving, no funding for SEN, no one is reading with my kid in school, the school can’t afford anything, and we are constantly donating to keep the school going. We are disappointed, and more annoyingly, we will have to travel away from our home each day so our kid can get into a better school. Not too worried about missing out on social mixing - I can’t say I will be missing cello, pony clubs, drama, and Mandarin classes here! It will be no different in a private school. I am so mad at myself now for listening to the local mums saying how the local schools are great - now my kids have to start all over again in a new school!

@RoseBucket it's their principles .

the caveat should be 'good' private school. there are many awful ones. depending on your child's interests/strengths you can choose one which is academic/sporty/artsy or a mix. definitely the resources and increased probability of getting into a decent uni will give him/her a huge advantage. I have attended both comprehensive and private and have experienced both. maybe extracurricular activities in the local area would help with a broader social exposure?

'..really important that she gets bullied if that's par fir the course, falls behind educationally because teachers in state don't understand sen and experiences a full range of behaviors.'

This is sarcasm I hope lol. If not, your poor child.

Good for you OP! We need more people like you. I respect your decision. My partner and I think like you but we are not selfless enough to send our kid to a state school.

I didn't grow up in this country and naively thought that kids went to their nearest school. Until I had kids and my son didn't get in to the nearest four (all good or excellent). We were offered a place at an 'adequate' (or fair, whatever it was called back then), school on the other side of the borough. We could afford private and that's where he went.
We eventually moved but the state schools were inadequate so they continued at private and I'm happy with my decision. My daughter has just finished A levels and she said that she had better have done well as she had 'no excuse not to'.
I would have been perfectly happy to send my kids to a good state school. But it transpired there wasn't one for them to go to,

93% of kids go to state school. And the majority of those kids thrive on it.

Do they?

What happened?

This post is just hilarious in its naivety and inaccuracies.

What exactly is "real life"?

At many state schools intelligent children seem to be ignored by teachers because their focus is raising the grades of those in the middle to an acceptable standard. There seems to be very little resource put into stretching those that can easily coast to a grade 9 in general because pushing them further beyond the grade boundary will not benefit the school's results in any way. Plus - because education and achievement is not valued in the UK as it is elsewhere - high achievers at school tend to be targets for bullying rather than held in esteem. So I'm interested in your comment. Why do you think an average sort of state secondary is beneficial particularly for an intelligent child?

Also lots of children simultaneously are highly intelligent and have SEN, so I'm confused why your post seems to describe these as somehow opposites?

'And Pippa’s husband? Pretty sure she wouldn’t give that guy a second look if he wasn’t minted'

But he IS minted, and of course that makes him more desirable than if he was an admin clerk.

If you had two guys wanting to marry you who were very similar in every sense, but one was multi multi multi millionaire, who would you go for?

Rich doesn't equal bad. There are plenty of rich and good guys.

@godlikeAI