Not to send my children to private school even though I can afford it

[AdamRyan]

I believe in comprehensive education and think children should all be educated together, to improve social mobility and prevent a "brain drain" where less privileged children go to some schools, and more privileged go to others.
Am I in the minority and being naive?

YANBU - comprehensive schools are the way to go
YABU - I'd send my children private if I could

And that if children just simply attend the same school, they’ll be on a level playing field, even if one comes from a family with two lawyer parents, and another is from a single parent family on minimum wage, or another is a young carer or part of the system.

It is real
I've been told on another thread I'm an "lefty idealist" so I thought I'd see the general split of opinions

@RosesAndHellebores it is a highly academic public school - I doubt many of the students would not have passed the 11+. Am not convinced the children receive 38k worth of added value.

If you can afford private, but the state school is ok, and let’s be honest you probably live in a naice neighbourhood with lovely £££ houses such that the state school is minted and in top 5% of all state schools..so you most probably do have access to the crème de la crème of tax payer funded education.

The best thing to do is send them to the state school and then pay their Uni fees and accommodation.

This. It’s just advantage whilst feeling superior.

If your kids are extreme ends (clever or special needs) state school is best. Clever kids do well anywhere and have more fun and less pressure at state, sn get better provision. If they are average then I think private will get them best grades as they will be woefully unremembered and unattended at state school. Not sure what happens after that though. My parents were die-hard socialist hippies and sent me to a special measures state but I was clever so they never really had to challenge themselves with their decision.

I don't believe in private education and didn't even consider it for my children even though we probably could have stretched to it.
I was a fully committed and supportive state education parent who thought her bright and engaged children would do well wherever they went.

But the school system is fucked and failed my children spectacularly.

If I could have my time over again I would consider private or home educate.

Yes agree thank you

My DC moved from state to private and wasn't sure what to expect, but ended up surprised at the change in her critical thinking, confidence, public speaking ability, access to equipment and exposure to extracurricular activities which she didn't have previously. She's also a "coaster", so smaller class sizes gave her a little push academically.

I believe that everyone should have a level playing field in education.

But they don’t. So I will privately educate because I can and to give them the best quality education I can.

I don't think private school buys a better education, I think it buys access to an elite network. Bright, motivated people will do well wherever they go. And I'm not paying to be part of a system stacked against the less fortunate

YANBU. I'd never send my child to private school, I just totally disagree with the concept and, if I'm brutally honest, I just don't think it teaches children enough about 'real life'. I've only really known a handful of privately educated people well (that I know of) and I don't think it's done them any favours, beyond the step up it gave them.

I'd much rather spend the money to move or live in an area with decent state schools.

“I’m so sorry we sent you to that school in Special Measures darling when we could have easily afforded better but we all benefit from a better educated society - well not you, you aren’t better educated but maybe one day?”

Depends on whether the local comp is shit really, doesn’t it! And the fact is, if you can afford private then you’re probably in catchment for a not-shit comprehensive.

And if you’re on this thread saying what a great grammar education your kids get, well that’s not a comprehensive, is it? That’s the whole point.

Out of genuine interest what bits of “real life” do you think my DC aren’t aware of?

We probably could afford it. Just about. And we live in a mixed area, with alright schools. Her friends' parents have been everyone from artists, through academics to cleaners, to two mums who went through treatment for drugs and alcohol.

The reality is that if I still lived in Croydon I wouldn't send her to the school with the police outside every morning. And I do buy tutors and music lessons. And we travel a lot. It's just a different kind of privilege.

I guess it just depends so much on the actual schools. Where we live it does but a better education.

At the state school not much teaching goes on in lessons, it’s more crowd control. Homework isn’t set. So if you can manage to motivate yourself and do well, then you do very well in life. But if you’re a bit of a coaster then you may not do much at all.
At the private schools the teaching seems as you would expect.

Most wealthy people do 1 of two things (though the super rich may do both):

1. Buy expensive houses into Outstanding State School Catchment Areas
2. Buy less expensive houses in convenient areas to family / work / other commitments & send their kids to private.

The families who fall in the first camp are also encouraging brain drain because these areas effectively get priced out for poor people and these State Schools often become comparable to privates - for example there is a State school in my local area. It’s catchment is 2 miles in the wealthiest area of our town where you don’t even see rental properties. This school is run on donations - there’s a swimming pool, they do 11+ prep extracurriculars, music, sports. It’s so good. While the school just 10mins walk away takes all the refugees and has opened it’s catchment area and was rated Inadequate.

It depends on the state schools and private schools available to you. State schools vary enormously from brilliant to terrible, so do private schools. You can’t really generalise about them. The two least diverse schools I have worked in were both state secondary schools in London. I would look at the actual schools that you can send your child to and then work out how important your principles are based on the reality of your situation.

*buy a better education

OP: send your kids to a comprehensive school because you have confidence that they will learn, progress, and get the qualifications they need to take the next step.

Don’t do it out of patronising paternalistic philanthropy.

Most areas of London that I am familiar with, and where my kids went to school, have ‘middle class’ housing and high density estates up against each other, and I know many high performing comps with a fully representative demography.

And you know what? There were kids from council flats out performing others in the top Maths set. And so on. And the kids with wealthy media families, steeped in cultural capital, were the ones with the expensive drugs, freely allowed by their liberal parents.

The kids from refugee families set the standard for hard work.

Don’t assume that good influence flows one way.

I think it’s pretty mad that there are people on this thread who seem to think having principles is about virtue signalling that you’re not a champagne socialist, rather than genuinely wanting a more equal society and/ or wanting your children to grow up knowing money can't but everything.
Whereas I'd say that as soon as this topic comes up it's usually parents of children who'll never have to risk their children being in underperforming schools who are the ones pretending that the issue is as simple as sending your child to state even if you have money makes you a great person who cares about the greater good . There's many good state schools, but if this is really all about principle and the greater good I'm expecting people to be willing to sending their child to a special measures school over private on principle. Because anything else would be mean right.

How far shall we stretch the "but we're the good guys who would choose a crap education on principle in the name of fairness"?

Did you read to your children when they were younger? Or give them day trips? Or expose them to a range of experiences? Well that wasn't very caring. You're just entrenching inequality there. Don't you know some children don't get day trips and have homes where literacy levels are low!

Your child is struggling in maths. Unfortunately there's no specialists and there's lots of supply. You could get your child a tutor so they can get their GCSE, but that wouldn't be very caring so best not. Other children in the school are also getting poor grades and are affected by the endless supply teaching, but as one of the good guys you'll tell your child that missing their GCSE pass in maths was a sacrifice worth making for the greater good.

I thought we would as we both were educated at top private schools (academically speaking,)
We enjoyed it and went on to have decent careers.
We could afford it at a slight stretch but it would mean some lifestyle compromises.

But we wont... we live near several excellent state schools and strategically we believe state plus flat deposit will give better quality of life / advantages to our children vs private education.

There is ni ideological principle for me - we arent living in cuba or russia circa 1980... its free market economics If i for one second thought the cost benefit of private outweighed the fees i would do it.

I agree with your ideology but also admit it's easy for me as I live somewhere where the three excellent state secondaries out perform the one private option on an exam results basis.

I guess if I lived somewhere with a bleak choice of good private or shitty comprehensive I may not be so noble.

I send my children to the local school because it is good and easy to get to. If it wasn't good I'd either move to a better catchment or send them to private school. A good education can help to set them up for life and I wouldn't mess about if I didn't feel my children were getting the opportunities they deserved....