Can I ask friend not to bring her partner round?

[Biytrer]

She's house/pet sitting for me. I mind her pets when she goes away too. I'm leaving her with a full fridge and some spending money for a takeaway etc.

I've a house with big garden and she's in a high rise flat so she does enjoy minding the house.

She has a partner now who I've only met once. She asked if her partner could stay with her the weekends (2)

I felt put on the spot but I really am not wanting this to happen. I barely know the person. We have lots of personal items around the house. I trust my friend completely but I don't know this other person. My husband really isn't happy with them being in our bed (there isn't anywhere else to go)

Is it really bad to ask the person doenst stay over?

Tbh I'd be more concerned about him making all the soft furnishings reek of piss

Just say "i'm glad you raised this question, because we'd really prefer not to have a total stranger living in our home. So don't bring him please. "

Your house, your rules. End of.

@yeahisaidit

Both gross 🤮

True, at least semen doesn't reek though

Don't think 'house/pet sitting' means she can't exit the house at any point.

YANBU.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy but the boyfriend lives a good distance away so they couldnt visit for a couple of hours

I wouldn’t leave 3 dogs by themselves for any extended amount of time.

Being away from home for 10+ days including two weekends is also quite a long time.

It’s not the same to just meet someone for a drink or a bite to eat, or even to have them round for a visit, as it is relaxing in the evening, going to bed and waking up in your home and with your partner. It’s NU to want some company over 10-14 days!

That being said, OP says the guy smells, so maybe they all just heed to come to an alternative arrangement.

Ah, that makes more sense. I was imagining your friend's wife as some sort of small burrowing animal 😀

Just to comment on the paying for a house sitter... We are going away for three weeks and the house sitters we have coming are not being paid. We do it through a website called Trusted House Sitters. They get to stay in our house for free, and in return they will look after our cat and dog. They will also be sleeping in our bed. We have never met them. Admittedly we do get insurance through having signed up to the website (about £100 for the year - and that covers as many house sitters as we might want during that time). But the house sitters themselves get no payment.
I agree with point someone made about hotel beds. Change the bedding for your friend, then change it for you when you get back!

I think people are being a little unfair.

The fact the OP implicitly trusts her friend to stay in her house and look after her animals has absolutely ZERO bearing on whether she should let a partner she doesn't know stay in her home. Yes, he's the boyfriend to her friend but, to the OP, he's a complete stranger. A good friend would understand this. So I'd politely say no.

Considering she’s your good friend and you said that you completely trust her then maybe you can trust her judgement? buy a safe with a lock and hide it somewhere and as for the bed just ask your friend to strip and wash bedding before you get home or you could wash bedding when you get back enjoy your holiday!

Why? What’s the difference?
you will sleep in a bed with fresh linen but someone else has also slept and probably had sex in it. I can’t see the difference, except if it’s your own you can ensure that mattress cover etc are all clean. I have a holiday home that friends occasionally use, I presume they have sex. We change the bedding.

Some really bizarre comments here, and some missing the whole point..Your home and bedroom is your sanctuary, I definitely would not want a relative stranger in my bedroom (and definitely not one with hygiene issues).
And she's not doing you a huge favour like some keep saying, it's a mutual benefit house/pet sitting going on.
Stick with the futon and just explain why you know her and trust her very well, you don't feel the same about him yet, perhaps once you've known him longer etc...

OP don't you think you should tell your friend this man smells strongly of urine if she herself has no sense of smell?

I think it's odd to say no to the partner - it's not as if she's asked if she can hold a party. They could well not be living together but stay together at the weekends. If you're that concerned about the bed, make sure it's got a mattress protector on.

On the other hand, she has asked, so it does give you the opportunity to say no.

Im a bit on the fence with this. It is your house but she is doing you a favour. Any chance you could meet this guy beforehand, you might really like him and it would put you and your DH at ease.

I had a friend ask me but to bring my (then ) new partner to a bbq because they had “quite a few nice things”. We now have 3 children and I will never forgive my friend for assuming would come to their house and steal things.

who is looking after her pets while she looks after your's?

Not in a 100 years would I allow 7 rats to be brought in my home,my worse nightmare

I think you can’t say anything either. At least she asked, but if I were her I’d be very put out if you said no. She’s doing you a favour for two weekends.

What are your thoughts on Airbnb as regards being disgusted at a near-total-stranger sleeping in your bed?

There is no way in this world I’d allow someone I hardly knew sleeping my bed, never mind someone who stank.

You are 100% right to say no.

My brother has a mental health illness and sometimes I’m practically gagging at the smell. I love him dearly but dear god. The good thing is i can tell him.

If you're worried about the bed smelling, I'd put a big thick waterproof / washable mattress cover on it, then a normal washable mattress cover and remove all your normal duvets/pillows and linen and leave them a spare washable duvet, pillows and sheets so that the whole bed can be cleaned thoroughly when they return. You can buy some cheap sheets from Dunelm or Ikea or even a charity shop. Otherwise I'd pay a dog/pet sitter (if you can afford) to come in and walk the dogs and feed them. If there's a nice local neighbour you could give a few quid to to pop in each day perhaps that could work too. But yes I understand you feel yukked out about someone with different personal hygiene standards sleeping in your own bed.

I’d 100% be throwing DH under the bus here. To the point where I would be saying he has severe issues with anyone he doesn’t know in the house etc and I’d agree that he probably needs therapy but until that happened you wouldn’t be able to allow her new chap in the house.

Having said that, she’ll probably go behind your back anyway so I’d be preparing to burn the sheets on my return. Sorry OP. I’d get someone else if I had the option.