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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I wasn’t in the wrong for not mentioning my allergy?

302 replies

ChiChaNaYubi · 01/07/2023 16:41

My sister in law made a birthday cake for our father in laws birthday yesterday.
Turns out she used duck eggs in the batter, which make me violently sick and give me breathing problems. I wasn’t mad about it, I understand it’s a really odd thing to be allergic too but she’s absolutely livid with me for not telling her. Thing is, it just never occurred to me to ask tbh! It’s such a random allergy that I often forget about it as duck eggs are just not something I ever come across really. She been really quite nasty to me about it, calling me thick, irresponsible etc.

Is she being u reasonable to be so angry or am I for not asking ?

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 01/07/2023 16:45

Why use duck eggs in a cake,surely everyday chicken eggs are fine.

Why is she reacting like this ?
Did you eat it and were sick ?

MsVestibule · 01/07/2023 16:45

I think she's overreacted but she's probably a bit panicked, thinking she could have killed you!

I think this is one of those 'least said, soonest mended' situations. If she mentions it again, just say 'look, it's not a big deal, shall we just forget about it now?'

TwoFourSixEightNeverTooLate · 01/07/2023 16:46

I imagine she is feeling like everyone blames her for making you ill so she is reacting with anger.
I bake a lot and I’d not even think about people baking with duck eggs tbh so I can see why you didn’t mention it. In her shoes I’d be ridiculously apologetic though, rather than angry, even though you hadn’t mentioned it. Tell her to wind her neck in.

Nothingbuttheglory · 01/07/2023 16:46

Sounds like she went to some effort for her dad to have a nice birthday and it backfired horribly and now she is taking out her mortification on you.

I've never heard of anyone using duck eggs in a cake, so I'm not surprised you didn't mention it. I can see why she would be gutted. But she is being v v unreasonable both to a) be so rude to her SIL, ever and b) to pick on you when you've been unwell.

I hope you've recovered fully.

NumberTheory · 01/07/2023 16:46

Obviously, she’s being unreasonable to be so angry when it’s you that’s suffered harm and you aren’t blaming her in any way. But she’s probably reacting that way because she’s scared about what might have happened and whether you’d told her or not, if you ended up badly hurt (or worse) by the incident she’d have felt guilty.

Unless she has form for being a drama lama and making everything about herself, I would just try and let this go and smooth over things.

OhComeOnFFS · 01/07/2023 16:47

Why would anyone think that a cake might have duck eggs in it?

Original poster
ChiChaNaYubi · 01/07/2023 16:47

Yes I ate it and spent the day on the bathroom floor. I don’t blame her though it’s just one of those things!

OP posts:
pinguins · 01/07/2023 16:49

Did you eat the cake or did you find out what was in it then tell her what would happen if you ate it?
If you ate the cake and had a reaction she's BU to make it all about her (and kicking off at you like this is absolutely making it all about her).
If you didn't eat the cake and it was a near miss she's still BU because nothing bad happened.
Is she always a drama queen?

steff13 · 01/07/2023 16:49

itsmylife7 · 01/07/2023 16:45

Why use duck eggs in a cake,surely everyday chicken eggs are fine.

Why is she reacting like this ?
Did you eat it and were sick ?

I do if I have them. They're better for baking than chicken eggs

But your sister-in-law is wrong for being upset at you.

Ponoka7 · 01/07/2023 16:49

Shut down the nastiness and tell her that she hasn't got the right to insult you. Your DH should be telling her to back off, as well.

pinguins · 01/07/2023 16:50

ChiChaNaYubi · 01/07/2023 16:47

Yes I ate it and spent the day on the bathroom floor. I don’t blame her though it’s just one of those things!

Sorry X post, she's definitely BU and she should be less shitty to you after your ordeal. Hopefully you feel better soon.

Quinoawoman · 01/07/2023 16:50

I say this as a parent of a coeliac - you are being unreasonable not to inform people of your allergy. If it's your sister in law, surely she has know you for years? Why would you not have mentioned this through your entire relationship?

Especially an IGE allergy - I didn't even know it was possible to have an IGE recation to duck eggs but not chicken eggs. You are taking your life in your hands by not checking before you eat. Take this as a lesson learned.

FeedMeSantiago · 01/07/2023 16:51

I can see why you didn't think to mention it, it's not like it's an allergy to a commonly used ingredient and most cakes are baked with chicken eggs. It would never occur to me that a cake may have been made with duck eggs.

I can see why she's freaked out but it's not necessary to be so unpleasant to you about it!

ikno · 01/07/2023 16:51

I’ve never even come across recipes for cakes with duck eggs so it wouldn’t cross my mind to mention it.

WimbledonPimms · 01/07/2023 16:51

We use duck eggs all the time in cakes - because we have ducks! I wouldn't think to mention it as it's normal here. I'm surprised as relatively close relatives you wouldn't have ever discussed an allergy

Original poster
ChiChaNaYubi · 01/07/2023 16:52

Like I said it’s a really obscure allergy so it’s not something that’s ever been bought up! I’m a parent to a child with allergies so it’s not that I’m unaware.

OP posts:
ikno · 01/07/2023 16:53

WimbledonPimms · 01/07/2023 16:51

We use duck eggs all the time in cakes - because we have ducks! I wouldn't think to mention it as it's normal here. I'm surprised as relatively close relatives you wouldn't have ever discussed an allergy

Sister in laws are not relatively close relatives

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 01/07/2023 16:54

Don't worry about it, she's probably mortified.

DewinDwl · 01/07/2023 16:54

Especially an IGE allergy - I didn't even know it was possible to have an IGE recation to duck eggs but not chicken eggs. You are taking your life in your hands by not checking before you eat. Take this as a lesson learned

This.

I say this as someone with an very unusual allergy to a common foodstuff. It's down to you to check - you should take responsibility for what you eat, or deal with the consequences of not checking ingredients beforehand.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 01/07/2023 16:54

Wow she's nasty!

Teder · 01/07/2023 16:54

She is BU but do you think she’s lashing out because she was worried it could have been worse?

Hope you’re feeling ok now!

WhoHasTimeForThat · 01/07/2023 16:54

itsmylife7 · 01/07/2023 16:45

Why use duck eggs in a cake,surely everyday chicken eggs are fine.

Why is she reacting like this ?
Did you eat it and were sick ?

Obviously you’ve never tried it. I use duck eggs whenever possible for cakes. They are much better for colour and flavour.

Quinoawoman · 01/07/2023 16:54

ChiChaNaYubi · 01/07/2023 16:52

Like I said it’s a really obscure allergy so it’s not something that’s ever been bought up! I’m a parent to a child with allergies so it’s not that I’m unaware.

Then you should know better.

SweetSakura · 01/07/2023 16:55

My children have allergies. By the time they were two they knew not to make assumptions about ingredients and to not eat anything without checking what was in it.

SeeingSpots · 01/07/2023 16:55

I'm actually amazed your own sister in law doesn't know you have such a severe allergy, how on earth has it never come up in conversation.

I don't think anyone is unreasonable in this situation she's probably bloody mortified and feels awful for making you so sick and you're not unreasonable for thinking the cake wouldn't have had duck eggs in but I still can't get over that she didn't know about your allergy.