To think I wasn’t in the wrong for not mentioning my allergy?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

My sister in law made a birthday cake for our father in laws birthday yesterday.
Turns out she used duck eggs in the batter, which make me violently sick and give me breathing problems. I wasn’t mad about it, I understand it’s a really odd thing to be allergic too but she’s absolutely livid with me for not telling her. Thing is, it just never occurred to me to ask tbh! It’s such a random allergy that I often forget about it as duck eggs are just not something I ever come across really. She been really quite nasty to me about it, calling me thick, irresponsible etc.

Is she being u reasonable to be so angry or am I for not asking ?

But the OP isn't complaining or making a fuss? She seems admirably unbothered about the whole thing.

I have an obscure allergy (kiwi fruit) that I don't mention to every person I ever meet too. I bring it up if it's likely to be in something. This did mean I was very ill after buying tropical fruit juice without thinking to check the ingredients once. But I suppose now you know baked goods can contain duck eggs and can raise the issue accordingly. It's a learning moment, it's not appropriate for SIL to kick off at you.

But the number one rule with allergies is don't let anything cross your lips unless you are sure about the ingredients. Doesn't matter how unlikely it is.

I have serious allergies. It’s up to me as an adult to make sure that either people know or that I know what I’m eating.

I don’t really have sit around having conversations about weird allergies 😅

But sister in law was put in a horrible position of having unintentionally made someone ill, potentially gravely ill (or fatal). So I can see why she is upset

Team SIL here. She’s scared out of her wits.

It doesn't have to be a random conversation though completely out of context etc I just don't understand how you've never come across a situation in which you'd have discussed having an allergy, it shouldn't be a secret otherwise you end up in situations like this where your poor SIL was probably worried she'd caused serious harm to you.

She probably just had some that needed eating up!

So this is your sister-in-law who is your spouse's sister, making a cake for her own father.

It's really obscure and unusual to be allergic specifically to duck eggs.

It's really obscure and unusual to use duck eggs in a cake.

It seems like such a massive coincidence that both really unlikely things happen to have collided on a special family occasion and for this to have happened by chance.

UNLESS your SIL keeps ducks like Wimbledon above - in which case it sort of makes sense.

More likely (a) your SIL really doesn't like you, found out about your allergy by accident and deliberately went out of her way to acquire duck eggs in order to attack you, and is now kicking up a fuss to avoid coming under suspicion or (b) someone else who does know about your allergy really doesn't like you and found a way to persuade sil to bake with duck eggs.

Sorry , you put your SIL in an awful position when she was trying to do a nice thing for a birthday - I understand why she’s angry . It probably comes from fear as to what could have happened

She’s my husbands brothers wife, not my husbands sister. I see her maybe twice a year so no an allergy has never come up in conversation.

Hasn't it ever come up when you eat together? Either at home or with family /friends or at a restaurant? "Oh those wouldn't be duck eggs chance? I am allergic". Then either brief conversation about allergies ensues or everyone moves on.

This is part and parcel of an allergic person's life, there is nothing weird about it.

She is probably mortified, but then if you didnt want her to feel bad then why tell her?

Completely missing the point, but who wastes duck eggs in a cake?

Exactly. surely every time op eats a meal prepared by someone else she double checks the ingredients?

Mine were doing that as toddlers!

My mind is blown that people use duck eggs when baking cakes!

My husband told her while I was throwing my guts up in the bathroom!

So how and when did you establish that the cake was made with duck eggs? I mean you said you didn’t even know that people made cakes with duck eggs, she didn’t know you were allergic to duck eggs, so from SIL’s point of view she made a cake which made you violently ill. How did the duck eggs even enter into the conversation here?

I've never heard of ducks eggs in a cake.

I'm not surprised you didn't mention it and SIL is being a bitch.

so bizarre what if you just dont want to eat cake?

i have celiac disease,diabates and egg intolerance-i dont eat most things that ny family members do inhavent ever thought to inform other relatives either lol,i will make the call on if i want to eat something or not no one else has to change their recipe of diet becase of me

I think she's probably livid because she went to large amount of effort making a cake and the thing that will get remembered is your throwing up all day afterwards. It's embarrassment and frustration that the whole thing could have been avoided, coming out as anger - I can kind of imagine being pissed off myself as I'd be feeling awful about it, and cross that it was preventable, all at the same time? Kind of confusing emotions going on! It sounds like a gut reaction on her part (hahaha) that'll blow over soon enough so I wouldn't do anything more about it - just move on.

In your situation I prob wouldn't be declaring a duck egg allergy at every meal but surprised it hasn't come up at some point before, like when you get duck egg at restaurants etc quite often.

Tbh I am also surprised she didn't say 'ooo and this is made with duck eggs!' as a bit of a funky fact about the cake. If people make cakes with unusual or 'hidden' ingredients they usually love to tell you about it - chocolate beetroot cake etc, 'you'll never guess.'....

I think you should check allergies before eating something someone has baked for you. She's bound to feel awful now and it could have been much worse - it wasn't her fault at all and it's not fair on her.

However she shouldn't be rude to you, that's not fair on you.

But the only person who could have prevented this happening is you.

I’ve never been anywhere where duck eggs were on the menu

it IS a weird use of eggs in a cake. As long as @ChiChaNaYubi isnt having a go at her SIL about it, there’s no reason for SIL to be anything other than sorry, but she did not know. It’s not her fault either but it’s not the expected ingredient for a cake

That still makes no sense.

Plenty of people here didn’t even think that making cakes with duck eggs was a thing. So why would your husband suddenly think to mention to SIL that you had an allergy to duck eggs given that it was never likely considered that the cake was made using duck eggs?

And if he’d thought about it, then obviously you knew it was a possibility and should have checked before you ate it.