To think I wasn’t in the wrong for not mentioning my allergy?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

My sister in law made a birthday cake for our father in laws birthday yesterday.
Turns out she used duck eggs in the batter, which make me violently sick and give me breathing problems. I wasn’t mad about it, I understand it’s a really odd thing to be allergic too but she’s absolutely livid with me for not telling her. Thing is, it just never occurred to me to ask tbh! It’s such a random allergy that I often forget about it as duck eggs are just not something I ever come across really. She been really quite nasty to me about it, calling me thick, irresponsible etc.

Is she being u reasonable to be so angry or am I for not asking ?

There's loads my ex sister in law didn't know about me!

Hope you're feeling better op.

How would you know if you had eaten a cake with duck eggs in it?. As for recipes, they don't specify duck eggs, they just say eggs. Why can't people get it into their heads that using duck eggs is not some weird, faddy thing? I live in NZ and I've heard people say they use them in cake baking here, it's a perfectly normal thing to do.

I'm not in the UK, so probably can't help. It's mainly new products I think. People tend to go to the supermarket and buy what they always have and only what is on their list - I like to browse and if I see something new I often try it.

A few random things I've picked up in the bog standard supermarket: avocado oil, almond oil, pomegranate molasses, dragonfruit, and obviously duck eggs. Though the duck eggs were the only ones regularly in the weekly shop.

Interesting @Theoldgreygoose I'm another one who sees something new and has to try it BUT one of the problems I find with supermarkets is that what my mother and grandmothers taught me we basic ingredients are becoming ever harder to find.

I am confused as to why your family don’t know you have a duck egg specific ALLERGY!
I have an INTOLERANCE to the A1 protein in dairy & gluten (bread is the biggest issue I have with that) & despite the issues only developing after the traumatic birth of my daughter my family know about the issues I have with some foods.
It is something I am still learning to live with so I just check menus when I am eating anywhere new or ask the host of an event if I need to bring any foods myself as gluten & dairy free food can be expensive, especially if only i will be eating the food.

Your sister sounds like she is more concerned than angry.
If you had eaten the cake you could have been very sick & that would then be on her conscience!

I’ve never heard of duck eggs being used in a cake before but maybe it is the egg size that your sister used them for.
I have bought & eaten duck eggs before. They are delicious & BIG eggs, compared to even large chicken ones.
I have bought mine from a supermarket & farm shops but have to say that farm shop ones are so much nicer.
Speak to your sister as I think your blasé concern about your allergy is the issue here & your sister is right to be annoyed with you for that.
Still trying to figure out why your family don’t know you have a duck egg specific allergy though.
I can’t drink regular cows milk but I can drink Jersey & Guernsey cows milk as it doesn’t contain the A1 protein i am intolerant to.
Apparently the protein was created when they cross breed Jersey & Guernsey cows with Holsteins to create Frisians so that the new breed would have creamier milk.

How do you make your own?

I fear it will cease to be and I should stockpile it.

@NatashaDancing lacto fermentation, like sauerkraut, kimchi and sriracha.
Well OK there is a bit more involved in it, but that is the starting point.

@Grrrrdarling i feel like you haven’t read it properly…

You're not wrong there!

I have 🙄Apologies 😬.
Your sister can’t be angry if she has forgotten what your allergy is & she hasn’t thought to check what your allergy is before making the cake.

She literally can’t expect you to know that she is using duck eggs in the cake unless she runs the recipe past you to make sure it is safe!
I come from a family of bakers & NONE of them have ever used duck eggs in a cake!
Even asked my mum about using duck eggs in a cake & she said it isn’t something she has every heard of or done herself but she can sort of see why people could choose them as an alternative to hens eggs…which would be because they have a richer flavour, darker yolks & are bigger eggs.

Sorry 😬😘

By I have in my last reply I meant I have read your original post incorrectly 😅

@Grrrrdarling
It was OP's sister-in-law and she was completely unaware that OP had an allergy at all as it never came up before. She didn't forget about it, she never knew, so had no reason to run the recipe past OP.

@Grrrrdarling However, the only thing wrong with your earlier post, at least as far as I can see, was mistaking sister for SIL. Don't know why OP was so keen to correct you for that small mistake?

That isn’t an allergy it is an intolerance!
An allergy would have you needing hospital treatment!
I could say my dairy intolerance is an allergy as it has nearly out me
in hospital but it is just an intolerance! Noting can help me if I consume it but if I do I know about it within 10mins as the pain is excruciating & whatever is in my guts leaves via my rectum in a very fast, stinking, liquid state!
My normal bowel movements aren’t like this.

There's a very big difference between a sister and, in this case, a partner's brother's partner who she sees twice a year, in terms of what they are likely to know about your medical history and how often you have eaten meals with them / how likely an allergy is to have come up in conversation. I assume that's what OP is referring to. Her sister didn't forget. Her much further removed relative in law never knew in the first place.

I’m wondering why too because reading it back again now I got my comment right the 1st time, apart from mixing up sis & SIL up.
It just read differently when I read it back after OP’s comment but now it reads the way I originally read it 🙄

You would hope OP’s family would know about the allergy/intolerance & if SIL offered to make a cake make sure SIL knew about the allergy BUT who knows what the family dynamic is there.
As duck eggs aren’t something I or anyone I know uses in cakes maybe the close family of OP didn’t think to pass that info on to SIL as they just assumed she would be using hens eggs.
If I had an allergy, this seems more like an intolerance as OP is very blasé about it & hasn’t needed an antidote, ambulance or hospital treatment after consuming the cake, I would definitely be making sure I checked what ingredients were in anything I was consuming. Allergies can kill whereas intolerances are painful, horrible, embarrassing & inconvenient but won’t kill, in my experience.
I thought my 8yr old was going to have to call an ambulance for me when I went grey from the feet up, saw stars & nearly passed out on the toilet after stupidly consuming a massive triangle of bree all from the reaction the milk protein in it caused within my guts & the pain i experienced when everything was rocketing out of my insides 😵
Was full hot & cold sweats & thought I was dead but once my system ‘flushed’ the protein problem out I recovered quickly & without need for medical intervention like someone with an allergy may need.

Apart from your allergy - and yes I think you should have mentioned it to your SIL, nobody wants for anybody to become violently sick after eating their baked goods - there really are some concerns about the use of duck eggs.

Duck eggs fell out of fashion just after the Second World War when a health scare connected eating duck eggs with outbreaks of salmonella poisoning. The evidence seemed a little thin, but the connection in the public consciousness took hold, and demand for duck eggs plummeted. Still, duck egg shells are more porous than chicken egg shells and therefore more prone to contamination.

I looked it up : When using duck eggs in cooking or baking, do not eat or taste the raw mix. (So I guess you can't use duck eggs dor mayonaise.) After handling raw duck eggs, always wash hands thoroughly. Ensure all utensils and preparation surfaces that have been in contact with raw duck eggs are washed thoroughly before being re-used.

@Grrrrdarling
No, as OP has described it, I think this is very much an allergy.
She mentioned two symptoms-
vomiting, which is a common response to eating a food you're allergic to and
breathing problems, which are actually a very serious sign of allergy.
You really need to see a doctor OP!!!
If your airways are compromised when you accidentally eat certain foods then you need to carry an epipen with you always.
My DC"s allergy consultant told us that once the airways are compromised he has no choice but to prescribe adrenaline pens to his patients.

And you do need to go to hospital when you have a reaction OP.

Op said breathing problems too.
That most definitely sounds like a pretty serious allergy if it affects your breathing.

I get breathing problems if I eat too much gluten. Still only classed as an intolerance not allergy.
No amount of adrenaline or antihistamine shots would counteract the gluten reaction.
Absolutely nothing stops the milk protein reaction because if there was something that did that I would take it just so I can eat out like a normal person again 😂

OP needs to stop playing with her life like it doesn’t matter & think ahead for events where food is being provided.
It is called taking responsibility for your life & by doing that you consider the feelings of others, in my book.
Imagine if she had ended up in hospital & the reaction became life threatening.
Her SIL would have felt absolutely awful despite the issue not being her fault because how was she to know about the ‘allergy’ if no one checked the ingredients of the cake or told her OP had an issue with Duck eggs.
SIL is right to be annoyed at OP
for her blasé attitude to something that could possibly kill her & her & the family not letting her know there was someone in the family with an ‘allergy’.

She did deal with the consequences and didn’t blame her sil in any way. That’s why she’s posting because the sil is very angry and calling her names despite it being her who was sick but in no way blaming her sil.