To think I wasn’t in the wrong for not mentioning my allergy?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

My sister in law made a birthday cake for our father in laws birthday yesterday.
Turns out she used duck eggs in the batter, which make me violently sick and give me breathing problems. I wasn’t mad about it, I understand it’s a really odd thing to be allergic too but she’s absolutely livid with me for not telling her. Thing is, it just never occurred to me to ask tbh! It’s such a random allergy that I often forget about it as duck eggs are just not something I ever come across really. She been really quite nasty to me about it, calling me thick, irresponsible etc.

Is she being u reasonable to be so angry or am I for not asking ?

I’ve never tried it but I know someone who swears by them for cakes.

She probably over reacted because she was scared.

i think as someone with an allergy it’s always best never to assume what is in a product, especially when something is homemade

YANBU unless SIL keeps ducks, in which case you should have checked they weren’t in the cake. Otherwise, what are the chances? I too could be extremely allergic to duck eggs, I just don’t know because I don’t think I’ve ever eaten one!

Would have been ideal for you to tell her (especially a family member you will see again and again). On the other hand, unless you were rude about it, then she is being unreasonable to make a fuss.

What should have happened
SIL: here’s some cake
@ChiChaNaYubi: oh actually I’m allergic to duck eggs, so I won’t have any. But looks fab, well done!
SIl: oh no! I’m sorry, I didn’t realise! I would have made it without if I’d known
@ChiChaNaYubi Don’t worry SIL it’s my fault, I should have mentioned it. Don’t give it another thought…… Now how is little Sally finding reception? …..

I wonder if your husband was angry / upset when telling her. While you might not be upset, there's a good chance he was. The reaction of calling you thick and irresponsible would make more sense if she's been shouted at by your DH.

I don't think she's unreasonable to be angry - she probably feels absolutely horrendous.

If I baked something that someone turned out to be allergic to, I would be mortified and as well as scared - imagine if you'd ended up in the hospital or worse?

They’re quite common in top end restaurants.

I wouldn’t have crossed my mind either. I can imagine avoiding duck eggs is fairly easy they aren’t used in an awful lot of food as far as I know. I’m allergic to kiwi fruit and I don’t tell people but it’s not in many foods either if it’s lovely to be I check. It was a mistake, you’ll know in future that people can bake with duck eggs and to ask just in case. But hope you’re on the mend soon sounds horrible

I think I'd know if a close family member was allergic to duck eggs! Isn't it the sort of thing that would come up in conversation?

If I make a substituation, especially from a well known recipe type, I would make sure people knew before tucking in. If I made brownies with coconut oil instead of butter, I'd mention it.

That being said, I don't think either side is to blame here. Or both are, whichever you prefer! But I think she's acting like a dick to insult you, and call you names.

So, you were ill, and you didn’t blame her in any way, and somehow she is angry at you purely for being ill from the cake that she made? She sounds absolutely insane.

She been really quite nasty to me about it, calling me thick, irresponsible etc.

She’s horrible. She obviously wanted to be lauded for her gesture and instead made you ill and fears she won’t get the praise she wanted. I’m guessing, based on her reaction.

Unless you own ducks, or you’re a royal baker, who the duck routinely uses duck eggs for cakes? They’re too big and the weight is often wrong.

Duck eggs make the best cakes and are well worth it if can find some reasonable price ones. The yolks are proportionally bigger and richer, give a lovely fluffy rich cake.

If you have an allergy, you have to let people know if they are cooking for you.

I have an unusual allergy too.

Generally raspberries are pretty easy to spot but I have been caught out once with a coulis around a nut roast (why???) in December.

I think most of my friends and family know though. I do mention it especially at this time of year but I might as well save my breath as they always forget...

OP says she sees her twice a year max.

OP, I think the onus is on you to make sure you know the ingredients of anything you eat if your allergy reaction is so severe.
It’s really not unusual to bake with duck eggs and it must have happened before for you to know you are allergic to them so I partly see her point of view.
I think she’s over the top to react like that though…blaming you and being livid.
When cooking for a group of people I don’t know well, I put a message out asking them to inform me of allergies and I also put a card next to the item listing ingredients. Food allergies can cause a life or death emergency and everybody has to realise that and be accountable.
Maybe she will now wise up a bit for next time and indicate clearly that her cakes are made with duck eggs, dairy, nuts, etc etc.
You will also need to take more responsibility for your own health now you know that duck eggs are used in baking.

All our baking is with duck eggs, we're semi rural and lots of people have ducks so it's just normal.

You'll know to check before eating cake in future!

I didn't realise people could be allergic to duck eggs specifically. I do think it's up to an adult to check what they're eating if they've allergies, sorry. Most people mightn't know that duck eggs are sometimes in cake, but it's the sort of thing that you need to know - that you should know - if you have an allergy to them.

No need of her to be rude, but it was all quite unfortunate. Hope you've recovered okay now.

And yet here we are...

Well she is probably reacting from fear more than anything. Just imagine if OP had died. She would have been blamed, had to live with the guilt, your DH and DC would never want to be around their auntie again because she (accidentally) killed Mummy

Duck eggs make great sponge YABU to be allergic 😁

egg is a notifiable allergy, I’m not sure where we stand legally on the specific species.

Why exactly would you assume she's horrible and "wanted to be lauded" based on what OP has said?

I mean it is pretty irresponsible to not make people aware of your food allergies who are making food you're going to eat - especially something like cake which has eggs as a known ingredient (duck eggs make amazing cakes!).

The thick comment is a bit rude, but she's probably also upset that you're so ill from eating something she's made - regardless of the fact it's because you didn't check it was allergen free. Surely if you're allergic to something to this level it's just second nature to check (especially home made food that has no label on!)

My husband wasn’t angry at all. I was being sick and everyone was wondering why and he said something by along the lines of she’s mentioned duck eggs being a problem before and that they figured it out. She lives near a farm and buys mixed boxes from them, so some are chicken some are duck. I guess till now whenever I’ve eaten her baking I’ve just been really lucky not to get a duck egg!

Another one allergic to kiwi. Honestly don't know if my SIL knows. She knows my weird allergies that are commonly in food but it's not exactly difficult to avoid kiwi (and it's the thing I'm most allergic to). I avoid fruit salads and any tropical juices when out but if someone decided to say add kiwi to a strawberry tart or something it would never cross my mind to ask. So no YANBU but on the other hand I suppose we should probably both be a bit more careful because people are trying more weird and wonderful recipes from the internet nowadays.