To think I wasn’t in the wrong for not mentioning my allergy?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

My sister in law made a birthday cake for our father in laws birthday yesterday.
Turns out she used duck eggs in the batter, which make me violently sick and give me breathing problems. I wasn’t mad about it, I understand it’s a really odd thing to be allergic too but she’s absolutely livid with me for not telling her. Thing is, it just never occurred to me to ask tbh! It’s such a random allergy that I often forget about it as duck eggs are just not something I ever come across really. She been really quite nasty to me about it, calling me thick, irresponsible etc.

Is she being u reasonable to be so angry or am I for not asking ?

It is not her fault, yet she should know. You could have died

I don't think you were being unreasonable in that I don't think many people would know that duck egg allergy (specific) is a thing. This research paper https://www.jiaci.org/revistas/vol29issue3_7-4.pdf says that it's very rare, and that of the 2 (two!!) people they had encountered with it, it was a specific protein that triggered the IgE response from the patient.

If you know you can eat chicken eggs but not duck eggs, I don't think many people would think of whether a cake had been made using duck eggs. If you had been really cross with your SIL, I would say you were unreasonable, but you've taken it as 'one of those things' so I don't think you were.

Well I've learnt duck eggs make amazing cakes ... didn't realise there was a difference. An egg is an egg.... or so I thought 😁

Duck eggs are particularly good for cake baking, not that unusual.

You put your SIL in a horrible position. She must feel really upset and guilty. I’d be horrified if I were her. And yes, it’d piss me off too. I can’t endorse the name calling but as blasé as you might feel about it, you’ve laid all the responsibility for your health at someone else’s feet without bothering to tell them about your allergy. It’s not on at all. Take responsibility for yourself. Tell people or ask before eating.

They are. I found that out years ago when I was in need of eggs and my nearest Tesco’s was out of the size of chicken eggs I was looking for. Googled about substituting with duck eggs and read about how lovely they are so tried them out. Wonderful :-)

@ISpyNoPlumPie
You put your SIL in a horrible position. She must feel really upset and guilty. I’d be horrified if I were her. And yes, it’d piss me off too. I can’t endorse the name calling but as blasé as you might feel about it, you’ve laid all the responsibility for your health at someone else’s feet without bothering to tell them about your allergy. It’s not on at all. Take responsibility for yourself. Tell people or ask before eating

What utter tosh! Duck eggs are not the norm

I think she’s being unkind to be so angry. I’m sorry this happened to you. You’re the one that was ill and it’s frightening to be taken so ill so suddenly. I discovered I have the same allergy-I’m a Food teacher in a rural area and discovered it at the grand old age of 55 when a pupil brought in some duck eggs in and we used them to make a cake. I was so ill! Now whenever I eat out I mention it and it’s worth the odd looks (it seems so random) and duck eggs being more expensive are generally considered a feature of a menu so would usually be mentioned but I cannot be that ill again away from home. (very sick,terrible diarrhoea!) Nor can you. People are now more sensitive to food allergies and I’d always mention it when out anywhere and ensure your family know. Good luck and let’s be glad it’s not peanuts or gluten allergies which are far more difficult to avoid.

Im amazed that people seem to think that duck eggs arent used, never eaten them, never seen them on a menu etc etc

They're not some 'out there' ingredient like something thats been flown across the world from some tiny island somewhere, they are readily available at nearly all farm shops, Ive had them in restaurants, Ive had them in pubs, Ive had them in cakes.

I’ve had this. I just explained I had an allergy and couldn’t do something involving- latex. Not threatening to sue, not askibg for money in fact I was apologetic about it and got an annoyed reaction. Shrug. People are strange.

Same here. There's no reason not to if I have them. Particularly if it's a Victoria sponge recipe where you weigh the eggs in their shells and use the same amount of flour, sugar and butter.

Sorry, you don’t think the SIL calling her thick and irresponsible is horrible?!

Bit daft of you not to check but I can see why you didn't, ultimately, your punishment is all of the vomiting and embarrassment!

I expect SIL feels embarrassed and some people deal with that by.. being fucking vile about it, which is ridiculous as thats much more embarrassing behaviour than serving someone an allergen you don't know about!

What a tit, I hope she apologises!

I have a snail allergy but I never mention it because I assume escargots aren't sitting around in most kitchens 😅

I think PP with common allergies (gluten, peanuts, etc) are overreacting. Most people without common allergies just live their lives.

Duck eggs really aren't exotic or unusual.

I've used duck eggs if there were no hen's eggs and they do make a lovely cake, but duck eggs are very tasty.

Many of us could very well have eaten something with duck eggs in a restaurant that simply indicates eggs. Restaurants would not need to specify unless they wanted to highlight it as an ingredient.

@ChiChaNaYubi I would like to think this may well make you realise that you are naive in how often duck eggs are used particularly in rural restaurants that have easy access.

I’ve lived rurally my whole life and have only ever once come across a duck egg on a menu.

I forgot that I also have a suspected boar meat allergy (from an initially lovely trip gone awry), but not going to go round mentioning that! Snails and boar meat... Will just have to find out how common they are the hard way, like OP 😅

But you can't 'automatically assume' if you happen to have allergies. You just can't. Your life could depend on it.
OP knew she had a duck egg allergy. At some point she should have tried to make herself aware where she may come across them in food. At 16 she had had a bad reaction to duck eggs used in Yorkshire pudding. That's not a million miles from baking a cake...
So, sorry, but I do think YABU, OP.
That said we all make mistakes and I'm really glad you're okay.

If the allergy is this severe then you SHOULD sit around having conversations about it

Check ingredients

Don't make assumptions

It's on you

I find that really surprising. If they're readily avaiable and used by those in your family I assume the local community also uses them, for cake sales, dinners with friends, local pubs and restaurants etc.

I know. That is what I’ve pointed out throughout the thread. I also said I thought OP and her SIL were both unreasonable.

Don’t worry, it’s the competitive Mumsnetters trying to out-middle class each other by pretending they’re utterly bored by the sheer quantity of duck eggs in their lives. 😂

I’ve got ducks. I find their eggs too much. Too rich. They do make a nice cake but you have to weigh them so you can scale up because they’re too big.

That doesn’t mean they haven’t been used though - allergy information only needs to say egg. Like your SIL some places may use them interchangeably depending on what they have.

what is the harm in checking/telling people

@Hibiscrubbed you should weigh eggs anyway in sponge baking and adjust quantities of flour/butter/sugar accordingly