Sad that my kids have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend

[MagicFarawayTea]

I don’t feel like I can discuss this with anyone so asking MN for perspective.
Neither of my older kids has ever been in a relationship/had a girlfriend/boyfriend/brought anyone home. ( Youngest is 11 so not really an issue). Son is nearly 22, just come back home to live from university. Daughter is 19, on year out before starting uni. They have friends, are both tall, quite attractive. I can’t help comparing them to myself- I dated during 6th form and had a serious boyfriend for 2 years at university. I listen to friends whose kids have a boyfriend/girlfriend; they go out together, take them on holiday etc and feel like I’ve gone wrong somewhere. I have no prom photos to post on Facebook. I know it’s their life and choices, not mine, and they are seemingly content. I just feel sad. Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

I was 19 when I started my first relationship. 11 years later we’re married with a 2 year old, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

My brother was cripplingly shy and didn't have any relationship until he met my SIL at 30. They are still together many years later.

YABVVVU! Please don’t put any pressure on them about this/ even mention it to them unless they ask directly for advice from you.

my mum made a thing about it for me and it meant I got in a relationship with someone who made me really unhappy, just to please my mum. It didn’t end well of course, and set me back a good 6-7 years in terms of proper relationships.

just leave them alone, they’ll get into relationships when they’re ready (or not if they don’t fancy it), none of your business either way as long as they are content.

I have no prom photos to post on Facebook

🫣🫣

This.

Honestly, OP, you’re being a bit mad.

DH was my first boyfriend. I met him when I was 27, we married when I was 29 and we're still together in our 40s

I am 50 and I had my first boyfriend when I was 18 when I first got to University and looking back now I honestly think that was way too young in as much as I felt pressured into having a boyfriend.
Why the hell is there any kind of pressure to do this? You literally have your whole entire life to have sexual relationships with someone if you want to, what is the hurry to do it when you are a teenager?

Having a partner isn't a vacancy they need to fill.

Good Lord, OP, you sound like Mrs Bennett. It's not the 1800s anymore.
I love that young people don't pin their future happiness on some relationship that will be over in 3 years. Leave them be.

My guess is they've had relationships that you just don't know about.

I really wouldn’t worry about this. I didn’t have a serious relationship until my early 20s (I did date/have short flings before then but none of them met my parents!). That relationship lasted 6 years. I met my husband in my early 30s. We have been happily married for 10 years now and have two lovely kids. There were times when it bothered me but, looking back, I really didn’t miss out on anything. I always had good friends, I travelled and did loads of fun stuff. Your kids have plenty of time to meet someone and settle down.

My DS2 didnt have a relationship until he was 23... from what i've read and heard, relationships are viewed very differently these days, i.e its not a priority, and lots of younger people don't place much importance in the whole boyfriend / girlfriend situation in the scheme of things .. unlike in our day!
Your DC will get there in their own time, but even if they don't until much older, if they're happy then all is well!

I can see where you're coming from, but I think it's good as long as they're happy. Often teens have relationships because it's the 'done thing' rather than actually getting any benefit from it.
I didn't have a relationship until I was 19 which was with now DH. My sister is 23 and hasn't been in a relationship, she's much more interested in having a good time with her friends. I think she's got it exactly right.

It’s seems kids are damned if they do and damned if they don’t! https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4838845-ds-proposing-at-18
WTF have prom photos got to do with this?!.

Also have 22yr old back from uni and 19yr old twins.
Only one of their friends have had a partner at school.
I didn’t at school, I had flings at Uni lasting from one night 😉to a few weeks, maybe months it’s all faded into one I’m afraid, but my parents never met any of them.

22 is not old and if they’re happy what does it matter.
Its not a mark of success nor a mark of failure

This is pretty normal these days esp for people who have e heads on their shoulders (so my 20yo smart ass son tells me!). The stats are staggering - like c50% of men up to age of 25 have not had a girlfriend by choice. Weve just cone back from a cruise where a 20yo American woman was def sending out vibes she lijed my son - he is attractive and bright. Wwhen I asked him about her, he said he has plenty of other stuff to do so he wasn't interested. She was absolutely lovely in attractiveness, smarts and manners.

My 22yo DD has had a boyfriend our over 1 year - chalk and cheese!!!

We've just got to let the live their lives....

I was 'engaged' at 16 but he was a deranged impotent wrong'un of the worst kind, and violent in the end. Also was in unrequited love with a prick at school at about 14, who tried to use me, and dissed me in public.

After that I had a lot of dodgy older guys. What a waste. Still hoping to find one my own age.

Definitely a likely possibility that you simply don’t know of any relationships, but even if they really haven’t at all why would that be failing?

I met DH when he was 28. He’d had only two relationships, both about 6 months, and a handful more dates. The only one his parents knew about was the first because he still lived at home. He’s a very dedicated husband and simply wasn’t interested in a “good enough” relationship. I appreciate that and would argue his parents did an amazing job.

Would you say your family is upper middle class?

Massively unreasonable!! What you are saying is that your dc aren’t good enough without a partner!!! That they need someone else to live a happy life.

Having a partner is not the definition of a successful life.

Did they not go to their prom? Did they not want to?! Or do you just think you can’t have. Picture of them going by themselves or with friends? In which case that’s just weird.

They might not want you to post their prom pics on Facebook anyway. My dc wouldn’t want that!

You have to take into account the effects of the pandemic. It's not been a good three years let alone when you reaching adulthood

The stats are staggering - like c50% of men up to age of 25 have not had a girlfriend by choice

This is not likely. Maybe not had a serious relationship, I suppose. But they pop their cherry on average just a year older than women- 18 vs 17.

What a shame if the men are using the women for sex for years.

You've obviously gone wrong somewhere, a tall man should have had a relationship by the age of 22. Short men it's more like 24.