Sad that my kids have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend

[MagicFarawayTea]

I don’t feel like I can discuss this with anyone so asking MN for perspective.
Neither of my older kids has ever been in a relationship/had a girlfriend/boyfriend/brought anyone home. ( Youngest is 11 so not really an issue). Son is nearly 22, just come back home to live from university. Daughter is 19, on year out before starting uni. They have friends, are both tall, quite attractive. I can’t help comparing them to myself- I dated during 6th form and had a serious boyfriend for 2 years at university. I listen to friends whose kids have a boyfriend/girlfriend; they go out together, take them on holiday etc and feel like I’ve gone wrong somewhere. I have no prom photos to post on Facebook. I know it’s their life and choices, not mine, and they are seemingly content. I just feel sad. Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

My DD (18) has casual relationships, but no interest in anything serious. She did have a Prom date and also went to his…but she’s already ended it. 😂 She’s focused on going to uni this autumn and has plenty of friends.

Don’t worry about it, OP, your DC sound fine.

YABU. They're their own person, not an extension of you.

Why should i demand to have every person my DD is dating round for tea? What a bizarre idea! If she's serious about someone, then fine, bring them round for a cuppa but otherwise, my DD's private life is just that, private.

My DD also went to a girls school and although we got a group photo we wouldn't dream of posting it on SM because it's DD's image, as well as her friends' so there's more privacy issues there.

I'm not one of those mums who plasters their kid's image all over anyway . I always ask first, and am usually told NO, and I respect her feelings on the matter.

Exactly! My DD was 23 before I ever heard of any dating or BF. She is quite social but shares nothing of her personal life with us. That’s her business and she can choose to share or not.

Dating is a lot more tricky and full of pitfalls these days in the age of internet dating unfortunately. I don't envy people dating these days.

I voted YABU purely because you mentioned that your DC were tall. Having long bones in your legs does not make you a nice or wonderful person. I am so sick of people that think " never insult anybody for any possible thing except short people" They are fair game for some reason. WHy??????

Oh and for what it's worth my very successful , short , adult male children have all had wonderful partners. Some have broken up just due to youth. This happens .
One is still together with his gf of a decade( who is taller than him - cue shock horror) and they are both earning a lot of money in fab jobs and happy as larry in their apartment they are buying ( both mid 20's)
Other is 2 years from becoming a barrister
Other is with a stereotypically beautiful woman who earns more than him.

Maybe your DC are as judgmental as you?
Just a thought

I always feel sorry for people that young who DO have relationships! I was always young and single and wild at that age, having so much fun with friends, travelling the world, crazy nights out, festivals, etc. I always pitied (and still do a bit, whenever I think about it) my sister who had a boyfriend from about 16 and spent her youth watching Corrie with him on the sofa. We are both married with kids now, but I feel I have the fun, exciting memories whereas her life has been exactly the same for the past 15 years, and now she’s a bit sad about it too.

OP I agree with everyone that you are being unreasonable for all the reasons that have already been said. However I feel like we aren't focusing on this enough.

What do you mean the boys needed an invite from the girls to attend? Can you elaborate? What kind of school is this? In the UK having prom dates isn't usually a "thing" as people usually go with their mates. But even if it was, a boy not being allowed to go to their own prom because one of the girls hasn't ask them is horrific. Did parents not complain? What about gay students? What about students from very religious or conservative families whose parents would not let them "date" at all? What about people who identity as a different gender but maybe aren't "out" to their parents? Isn't that a big issue nowadays? Did nobody complain about this weird popularity contest invitation system? I must know more.

Sorry OP. On rereading again I see that the prom was for the girls school but they were allowed to invite boys from the boys school? It wasn't, as I initially thought, a prom for both but with some weird pseudo-progressive invitation rules? I still think it's awful.

SOz . I know OT

My parents met my “first boyfriend” when I was almost 23 🤣 he absolutely wasn’t my first romantic interest - I just choose not to share my personal life with them. And when they met this “first boyfriend”, we’d already been together 3 years and he’d been living with me in my university city an hour away from home for 2 years 🤣 Parents never bothered visiting me while I was at uni so they had no idea!

My son is 23 and although he has a "girlfriend" he sees her only a few times a year.
My daughter on the other hand is NT and had a boyfriend when she was about 10 (dead ringer for Penfold 😄) but has not had one since. She's currently away at uni and when not studying is working towards sax exams, learning judo or at her part-time work. When she's not doing any of that, she flies gliders!
Any time I ask her if there's anyone, she rolls her eyes and says "Dad! I am just too busy to even be interested in dating!"
Which to be honest, is fine by me! 😁

My son is 23 and although he has a "girlfriend" he sees her only a few times a year.
My daughter on the other hand is NT and had a boyfriend when she was about 10 (dead ringer for Penfold 😄) but has not had one since. She's currently away at uni and when not studying is working towards sax exams, learning judo or at her part-time work. When she's not doing any of that, she flies gliders!
Any time I ask her if there's anyone, she rolls her eyes and says "Dad! I am just too busy to even be interested in dating!"
Which to be honest, is fine by me! 😁

Op. Please stop. I didn’t have a serious relationship until well into my 20s and my Mum used to talk about it constantly. She acted like I was a sad spinster who was unable to find love. I didn’t feel great about not being in a relationship and she only made it worse. I lived about 100 miles away (hmm, wonder why) and I dreaded every phone call. I remember one call where I mentioned a friend called Jen and she misheard and leapt on it straightaway saying “Ooh! Who’s this John?” It was a bloody nightmare. Just let them get on with it.

I’m so sorry I’ve not read further than this, but it stopped me in my tracks because it’s so shocking. Where are you? My kids and all those I know went with a bunch of pals to the Prom, no question of having a date. My daughter is nearly 23 and has never had romantic relationship. She’d be missing out on a lot if dates were required for social events.

This is what I meant!!

I am not surprised they aren’t letting you into their private lives if all you want to do is parade their love life on Instagram with holiday snaps and prom pictures for your own self aggrandisement . Step back, it’s none of your business.

I wouldn't be 'sad' they haven't had relationships, but I'd be a bit surprised if your oldest has been to uni and not even had a date or a one night stand. He's probably just not told you.
I don't know what sort of relationship you have with your children or what outlook you have but it seems odd that you mention they are attractive and tall! Are you from a culture where hight is very desirable, did you marry young, did you run everthing by your parents? If so maybe your children area less traditional than you.
If your children seem otherwise happy and balanced you're being very unreasonable to be sad. This clearly isn't their priority. Do not bring it up. I'd also suggest having a think how you might react if one of your children says they're not heterosexual or further down the line, has no plans for children. Many young people now aren't having kids. If not having a partner saddens you this might be a lot for you to take so start thinking now.

Ok this is way down so OP probably won’t see, but wanted to get my view in here.

These kids are the Tinder generation. Relationships are sooooo different because of the sheer amount of choice. Teens and youngsters now bounce from hookup to hookup, they are taught from a young age about consent and safety and (from what i can tell) practice it.

There is no pressure to couple up, with the focus instead on self worth, mental good health and strong friendships. When they do settle down, it’s more meaningful because they are doing so out of choice.

Honestly I think this is such an improvement on our generation (i’m an older millenial) where there was practically a race down the aisle meaning many of us settled for relationships that weren’t right rather than shopping around a bit more and growing up first.

I say go generation Z :-)

Agree.

I have an old friend who latched onto a guy at 16 and wasted seven years on him,always going to his at weekends instead of enjoying uni days. She deeply regrets it.

@codemonkeya I read it that her son’s school didn’t hold a prom at all.

In order to go to a prom, the boys would need to be invited as a date to a prom held at another school.

That’s why her DS didn’t attend one-he wasn’t invited to another school’s event.

😢

My mum was obsessed with me having a boyfriend. Like it was the only way I could be happy or worth anything was if a man wanted me. I had lots of horrible relationships as a result and at least one was abusive. You many mean well but why not see how happy they are right now and let them find love in their own time.

My first instinct was the oldest could well have had experiences but just kept them private? If not, then no big deal, it will happen if and when it's meant to. X