Sad that my kids have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend

[MagicFarawayTea]

I don’t feel like I can discuss this with anyone so asking MN for perspective.
Neither of my older kids has ever been in a relationship/had a girlfriend/boyfriend/brought anyone home. ( Youngest is 11 so not really an issue). Son is nearly 22, just come back home to live from university. Daughter is 19, on year out before starting uni. They have friends, are both tall, quite attractive. I can’t help comparing them to myself- I dated during 6th form and had a serious boyfriend for 2 years at university. I listen to friends whose kids have a boyfriend/girlfriend; they go out together, take them on holiday etc and feel like I’ve gone wrong somewhere. I have no prom photos to post on Facebook. I know it’s their life and choices, not mine, and they are seemingly content. I just feel sad. Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

THIS

This was me. I didn't have my first serious boyfriend until i was 31... and I married him. My brother had a few relationships when he was younger but is still waiting to settle down, my youngest brother married his second girlfriend. I wouldn't exchange the happiness I have now with the "right" person for all of the angst I saw my teenage friends go through with the wrong ones... and I'm sure my brother and his wife feel the same.

Agree with the posters saying they haven’t had relationships that you know about.

I never told my parents about anyone I was seeing unless it was serious. My sibling is exactly the same.

We were never encouraged to have serious relationships in our early/mid teens, definitely not a “your boyfriend is part of the family” at 15, sort of family.

Yes, how are they generally? If they are happy, comfortable in themselves, with friends etc that is most important.
You arent being unreasonable at all - you want your kids to know love, intimacy, sharing, connection. We worry are kids might feel lonely or not supported and thats natural. I have heard so many though saying they dont want serious relationships atm....while very young xx good luck

Count your blessings !!
One of my 19 year old DD ‘s friends opted for the university of Life and is now pregnant by her 24 yr old broke boy friend - 🙄

Everybody is different there is no right or wrong in this situation. They are both still so young as long as they are both happy that’s what matters.

They are young, as long as they are happy I can't see an issue. I lost my virginity at 24, first boyfriend at 27, married at 32. I quite enjoyed my independence in my 20s.

This, my DS is 18 and never been in a relationship that I know about but as long as he is happy. And at least I am likely not to become a Grandma soon as god I am not ready for that ha ha

@MagicFarawayTea just to add some balance back to this and reassure you that your thinking isn't unique.

I have the same regrets / thoughts about my just-turned-17 year, not-bad-looking old son. "Sad" to see half of his mates in happy relationships, but he just doesn't seem bothered. So much so that he walked away from a relationship this Spring as she wasn't right for him (rather than stick with her for the sake of it).

I also have parallel thoughts that my regrets are not his, and he is happy being single and living it up with his mates, playing sport and being generally very active.

And I also accept that these pangs of regret are unreasonable. But I can't help them.

There I've said it

Thanks for your gentle reply. At least your son has “dipped his toe in the pool” as it were! We can’t help how we relate to this situation, good or bad, and as I’ve stated before, I have no wish for them to be in toxic relationships just for the sake of having a partner. It’ll happen when it happens. And I’ll probably wish they were single again! 😳

17 and you feel sad he is not in a relationship? I cannot imagine feeling that way about my daughters. Would rather they were single and enjoyed themselves at that age rather then trying themselves down.
Relationships are overrated. I say that as a married mum. I often wish I had stayed single.

@MagicFarawayTea My lad has had girls chase him in the past but in his own words has said that he wasn't bothered / there was no point. He plays rugby for Yorkshire and was in the Sale academy up until last year and his sport takes priority for sure.

@TinaTeaspoons my brain (and my DW!!) tells me exactly that. And deep down I know your right.

In fact this post has done loads to confirm that I am being unreasonable in my thoughts. No offence of course to the OP!