Sad that my kids have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend

[MagicFarawayTea]

I don’t feel like I can discuss this with anyone so asking MN for perspective.
Neither of my older kids has ever been in a relationship/had a girlfriend/boyfriend/brought anyone home. ( Youngest is 11 so not really an issue). Son is nearly 22, just come back home to live from university. Daughter is 19, on year out before starting uni. They have friends, are both tall, quite attractive. I can’t help comparing them to myself- I dated during 6th form and had a serious boyfriend for 2 years at university. I listen to friends whose kids have a boyfriend/girlfriend; they go out together, take them on holiday etc and feel like I’ve gone wrong somewhere. I have no prom photos to post on Facebook. I know it’s their life and choices, not mine, and they are seemingly content. I just feel sad. Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

Your children sound a lot smarter than you op. The fact both are studying and focusing on bettering themselves, working hard and going to uni - a Bf/Gf would be nothing but a distraction to them amd they sound really focused. Try feeling happy for their ambitious minds instead of being pathetic, feeling a way because u cant post THEM on YOUR facebook??? Seriously woman, get a bloody grip

I certainly preferred to have casual relationships back then. 🤷‍♀️

I can relate to this my daughter had boyfriends from an early ish age but my son who is now 24 has only recently started dating.They both went to university and have had very full active lives,lots of travelling and a wide social circle.
I used to over analyse and worry about if my son would ever meet anyone,my advise is it will happen probably when you least expect it.
My son was due to go to Thailand teaching but a week before going he decided he was in love with his now girlfriend and didn't want to leave her!!
I guess its the stories you hear about some who never have a partner and are on their own throughout life(it is rare but it does happen)not that there is anything wrong with this but you don't want it to be your child.
Happiness is all we want for our children and if you are happy on your own your all the stronger when you do finally meet someone.

You’d be super disappointed in me then; 42 and never a serious relationship under my belt!
No; it’s not that i’m not interested - as a teen a didn’t “need” a bloke on my arm, and now I’m not settling for Mr Rightnow… (although I don’t seem to be able to pay someone to go on a date with me 🤣)

You’d be moaning your head off if your son was shagging everything with a pulse & had a illegitimate child in every village & if your daughter had Raleigh tattooed across her stomach because she was the towns bike; be grateful that they respect themselves & don’t want to go getting involved with any Tom; dick or Harry to distract them from their studies & cause you so much heartache; they sound sensible kids to me

In thought you we're gonna say they're middle aged 🤣

It is funny how we are all different. I would not think that is strange at all. They still have loads of time. I would feel slightly sad if they had spent all of university years with the same partner. But I would never say anything.

Before reading, I thought you were going to say your kids were 50 and had never experienced love. I could kind of get that but I would still advise there is still time and better to be single than in a bad relationship. I would try to change my mindset a bit if I were you. It is best to find out who you are first before getting into a serious relationship. The next one could be the one, you never know...

My 19 yr old has only just started going out with his first girlfriend (he is quite in love - bless him). He met her at uni. Covid did not help, a lot of his friends (male and female) have not had relationships yet and I find males and females have very good platonic friendships now. I am sure there is a wonderful sociological study written or needs to be written about this.

They’ve probably had relationships you don’t know about.
they’re young. They should be free. Plenty of time to settle down

In a sense, long-term relationships are unnatural. It isn't that men are no good. The problem is, humans evolved to reproduce at 14 and die by 35 or 40ish. We didn't evolve to live in a small brick box with a stranger for years on end, sharing a toilet, a bed, a kitchen, week in, week out, year in, year out. It's a miracle any relationship survives, frankly.

I have several friends that didn't have a bf/gf till they were in their 30's and boom. Marriage and kids within a year.

If they are happy then that's all that matters. They are still young. And probably has hook ups that you don't know about.

I find it a bit odd when teens have serious relationships tbh. Like live your life! Having to deal with domestic issues when they should be having fun. My nephew is 21 and has had a girlfriend for 3 years. They are like and old married couple. It's nice but it adds a level of constraint to their lives. He dropped out of uni partly to see her. She then went to uni and quit to be with him. I don't think they are missing out greatly on things but it's a big commitment at a young age.

My 2 DS are same, 18 and 21. They’re happy, I think. End of subject.

Gosh they’re so young. Plenty of time to be grown up

YOU have no photos to post on Facebook? Their lives are their lives… not yours to post to people on social media. Christ.

I read this expecting you to say they were at least 30’s…and what do you mean ‘youngest is 11 so not really an issue’ 😬

You're being ridiculous. My dd is 27 and never had a relationship...and that is her decision. She's very happy , amazing job and busy social life.

My youngest DD has never had a serious or long term relationship and she is mostly ok with that. She would like to meet someone and has been on dating apps, however she has a very busy job and social life. She feels where she lives there is a limited number of appropriate single people. What I do get is that she doesn’t feel the pressure to settle for anyone. I think there was more pressure in our day.

She is 25

It isn’t really any of your business but also my parents had no idea what I was getting up to at those ages so I wouldn’t assume anything about adult children and their private lives!

Neither of my kids dated in their early teen-adult years. Both went to proms with a group of friends. They had/have very strong friendships to this day. They are now late 30s , happily married to wonderful spouses, and I have 7 beautiful grandchildren. It will happen when it happens. Don't worry.

I think this generation tend to just go about in groups. They seem to have a different attitude to relationships. There are some who still have boyfriends/girlfriends but not the couple of months rollercoasters I remember. The age of consent also now covers so much more than it used to as well 😂.

I'm not sure why you have no Prom pics. Lockdown meant quite a few didn't.

I also think that some people just wait and have a couple of relationships or even just one serious one. My DH only had two very short relationships and I was his first serious one. An ex only dated me and his now-wife. It's quality not quantity that matters!

And even if it doesn't happen, guess what? They can still be happy living full lives.
Kind of irritating to see some posters saying "Well, at least they are not in their thirties ' or 'It will happen for them.'
It's weird this obsession with being in a relationship is still like in this day and age. Very depressing.
Don't be like my mother. I wasn't in a relationship until I was 28. My mum lied to an old school friends mum who asked if I was seeing anyone as presumably, she was embarrassed that I had never had a boyfriend. I still remember the humiliation and embarrassment I felt when she told me what she had done 😔

Think it’s great they aren’t dating and instead are putting their education first.
plenty of time for dating…. But we don’t actually need the opposite sex to make us happy! I’m much happier on my own

@MagicFarawayTea I wonder if why this matters is this was something you looked forward to having older dc? Often our own expectations, even when we aren't aware, end up being a bit of a mismatch with how things turn out. I get that you aren't disappointing in them, more that there were things you saw as 'normal' that you looked forward to.

I think it's far more advantageous than early relationships which so often mean missing opportunities b/c bf or gf want them to do xyz instead. Your teens/younger adult have also lived through many covid restrictions and likely online classes while at Uni. I do think that has an impact.

Post something else, a family photo or nice photo of your son's graduation. Embrace that and the rest will happen in their own time.