To not get out of bed just to say bye.

[LadyDane]

I work shifts, never full night's but early & lates and when I'm on a late I may not get in until 10:30/11pm, then I need to eat, wash and wind down so I can often not be in bed until gone midnight.

My husband tends to leave for work around 7:30am.

He has an older son who stays with us a week on week off. He is 11 and has been walking to school since the start of the year.

Me and DH can't seem to agree on this. DH ensures SS's alarm is set in the evening and he knows to make some cereal and brush teeth and what time he needs to leave but he's always mithering me to get up and 'see him off, say good morning, good bye, doesn't want him getting up to an empty house all the time'.

There is no choice when I'm on earlies as I leave before DH anyway so there is literally no one else in when SS gets up but DH expects me to get up when I've been on lates just to do this. I don't think it's necessary and if he's that bothered he should go into work late.

AIBU not to get up early after working late just to say goodbye?

It' not like the OP goes to bed at 3am and does need a lie-in.

I never go to bed at 3am and I frequently need a lie in.

There was another thread on here recently about how much sleep children need, with people discussing how some of their kids needed loads, whereas others needed hardly any. Why are there people on this thread so utterly incapable of understanding that the same applies to adults?

Yeah, there is no way you would be expecting OP to get up to wave goodbye to a step-child if she were a man. Let's not kid ourselves.

Because the sleep deprived, zombified mum has become a cliched image that women must adhere to.

I find it hilarious op that you ask something then keeps defending yourself because people don’t agree . You have 7 or more hours of sleep at night , you should be perfect able to get up for 15 minutes and have a nap after still if you were tired . The way you come across is you don’t think your step son is worthy if your time and that makes you not very nice , Tod at the least . Poor kid !

I literally just said the opposite. Yes, we would. But then so would you.
Posters are only defending the OP because she is female and you know it.

If you become a sleep deprived, zombified person after sleeping for 8 hours a night for 3 nights , you need to go and see a GP.

You find it hilarious that you fail to see that the majority of people agree with OP. That's 1,667 people who think is reasonable not to want to wake up for this.

You and others seem to expect to doff her cap to you or something just because she's a step-mum.

So true! And the way so many pps are treating the concept of a lie-in as an indulgent, unnecessary luxury when in some cases it can be the only way a person can get enough sleep to function. Would they really rather OP was underperforming as a step/parent on a day to day basis simply because she'd been browbeaten into getting up just to wave bye-bye to a secondary-school age (or as near as dammit) lad who probably isn't fussed either way?

@TheWalrusdidbeseech

you are wrong because it’s the Op that is getting the most vitriol here. Not the man I the scenario. Because she is a woman. And also she is not the parent of the child, he is.

@bringincrazyback Exactly, well said.

Would they really rather OP was underperforming as a step/parent on a day to day basis simply because she'd been browbeaten into getting up just to wave bye-bye to a secondary-school age (or as near as dammit) lad who probably isn't fussed either way?

And, I would just add that being a step-parent isn't the only role she fulfils. She's also mum to a nursery age child, partner or wife to an unempathic, seemingly controlling man, and working long, demanding, patient-facing shifts in the NHS.

Would people on here slamming OP want a very tired health worker to be treating one of their loved ones? Errors made that are directly attributable to tiredness in heath care workers have already been referenced in this thread.

ATTEMPTING TO GET 8 HOURS SLEEP IS NOT A 'LIE IN'
ffs I hate all these martyrs on mumsnet who only sleep 4hrs a night because they need to hand make yoghurt for their precious darlings and if you dont do the same you are absolutely evil.. and if you expect a man to pull his weight so you can get the recommended daily amount of sleep you are also absolutely evil
It is of course your duty as a mother to put your physical health on a back burner to literally every other member of the families wants and needs. God forbid a man might change his working schedule or an 11 year old might have to leave the house without being fussed over a couple of times a week.... no the woman must just get up earlier after doing a full late shift for the NHS because she's the mother and her health matters the least

I wouldn't take any notice of the 'poll' results. Loads of posters admitted on a thread yesterday that they always put contrary votes on most thread polls. You can tell that's true when the comments don't tie up with the vote poll. Like on here now. No WAY do 7 out of 10 people on here agree with the OP, as the poll suggests.

Oh please.

Only on MN are people working 9 to 5 and having 12 hours sleep.
In the real world, you don't need children to struggle to find the time to sleep 8 hours a night during your working week, and 8 hours from midnight when you are on "night shift" 3 times a week 🙄is not being a martyr.

We don't have the same definition of night shift for a start 😂

Anyone not as precious as the OP who doesn't demand 10 hour sleep every working night is martyr! 😂

I wouldn't take any notice of the 'poll' results. Loads of posters admitted on a thread yesterday that they always put contrary votes on most thread polls. You can tell that's true when the comments don't tie up with the vote poll. Like on here now. No WAY do 7 out of 10 people on here agree with the OP, as the poll suggests.

How on earth can you deduce that? Loads of people have commented to agree with OP - clearly many people do agree.

@TheWalrusdidbeseech I'm not sure how you worked out that the OP gets 10 hrs sleep, what with her getting to bed at midnight and leaving at 10.30 the next morning, it seems logistically impossible.

Still as long as the DF gets all his sleep and the DSS is not expected to get up at the ungodly hour of 7.30am ( when most school children are up at this time already) alls good I suppose.

so your solution is to take it on the kid?

Why not both adults having lie in at the weekends, and leaving the kids to sort themselves out. If it's fine during the week, it will be fine at the weekend? Oh wait, the OP's own child is there... that changes everything.

Why not both adults having lie in at the weekends, and leaving the kids to sort themselves out. If it's fine during the week, it will be fine at the weekend? Oh wait, the OP's own child is there... that changes everything.

You mean OPs nursery aged child? Hardly comparable.

I'm pretty sure getting up before my parents and entertaining myself on a Saturday morning was pretty normal and enjoyable at 11.

And much younger than that, at least 7/8. Saturday morning the TV belonged to us kids, parents stayed up in bed, we didn’t even look to see if they were awake.

So he is all on his own in a morning. Yeah that's harsh.

who's to say the child even cares about being on his own in the morning. For those feeling sorry for him, do you have preteen/teenage boys? Most of them wouldn't care.
Take your much needed sleep. getting up just to say goodbye is awkward.

THEN HIS DAD SHOULD BOTHER HIS ARSE TO GET UP WITH HIM

And much younger than that, at least 7/8. Saturday morning the TV belonged to us kids, parents stayed up in bed, we didn’t even look to see if they were awake.

Same here, that was the time of the day we got the run of the tv, it was great fun.

read your post back, you’re the one using hateful language, calling mothers ‘pathetic’

Love your name! Taken me back 25+ years!