AIBU to have made my relatives uncomfortable?

[SliceOfCakeCupOfTea]

I was out at a family dinner last night. Extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins over from out of town along with my parents, and siblings. All had partners there except for my DH (and another cousin's DH) who were at work.

DH and I have been married for a number of years and have a 6 year old DS.
My DB and SIL (calling her that out of ease) have been together 3 years and have a (nearly) 2 year old DD and are expecting another baby later this year.

One of my Auntie's started asking DB when him and SIL were going to get married. They have no intention of getting married but Auntie wouldn't let it go. DB then said that they were too busy to get married and would rather spend their money on their kids, which then made aunt switch her attention on me and the fact that we only have 1 child. She kept going on and on about how DB's DD would at least have a sibling and how we were mean by prioritising our own wants over the 'needs' of DS. This went on and on and was really pissing me off. All of my cousins who have kids have at least 2. We're the only couple with 1 DC

I ended up saying, quite loudly mainly to be heard over her wittering on, that DH and I would have loved to have another DC, we had tried for years but unfortunately for us, it just didn't happen and we don't really expect that to change now.

I will admit, I am still quite 'wounded' about this, I would have loved another DC and it's been really hard watching my DB and SIL announce two pregnancies over the years. I've come to accept that it won't happen but that doesn't mean it doesn't still sting. I must have looked quite sad when I said the above as SIL put her hand on mine and my DM quickly changed the subject. Aunt looked really put out the rest of the meal and was muttering to my Uncle while glancing up at me every so often.

After the meal, my cousin (Auntie's daughter) text me to say that I had made the whole family feel uncomfortable with my 'revelation' and I shouldn't have announced it like that. Apparently Auntie was very miffed in the car ride home.

My DM said I did nothing wrong, SIL said the same. DB thinks I was making too much of a point and could have been politer with what I said.

Should I text or call my Auntie and/or respond to my cousin? I haven't yet because I don't really know what to say!

Ignore them both , they sound horrible. You don’t need to explain yourself to them. Saying/ doing nothing can be empowering 😊

Seems like you gave her a blunt answer to her blunt question.

This!

You were bullied into giving a response to shut her up! Let them stew.

Sorry that they pushed you to explain your situation like that @SliceOfCakeCupOfTea You owe your aunt and your cousin nothing. I'd ignore the message. And your mum sounds fab ♥️

"Put a sock in it" springs to mind.

She shouldn’t have gone on like that. I never ask anyone about having children as you just don’t know other peoples situation and reasons behind having children or not having them. Your Aunty is in the wrong , she should be texting you to apologise not the other way around.
good on you for being so honest, maybe next time she will think twice before upsetting somebody. You are absolutely not in the wrong, she is. The fact she thinks you are is unbelievable!

How bloody insensitive of your aunt to keep badgering you on something so personal. I am afraid that I would not feel the need to be polite to her or apologise, or even bother to make contact with this dead wood of a relative. You did absolutely the right thing and I would hope that if presented with this again your aunt might learn a lesson on tact and sensitivity.

I wish you love and peace in this matter.

Disregard the lot of them. None of their business, she was lucky not to get a bunch of fives!.

You did nothing wrong and Auntie should be the one to apologise. A family gathering is no place to discuss such a sensitive subject and it sounds as though this was the only way to shut it down if she was so persistent. Perhaps it will teach her not to be so nosey. And tell your cousin how uncomfortable Auntie made you feel.

I hope you sent the text. It was well written.

You did nothing wrong.

I would however message cousin and say that you were pretty hurt being forced by Auntie to reveal your difficulties in such and manner and would have been much happier if you’d being left along and your Auntie hadn’t continually discussed you only having one child.

No; your aunt made herself and you and everyone uncomfortable by bringing up a sensitive subject and then constantly nagging about it and refusing to drop the subject. I thought it was now common knowledge that you DON'T nag people about matters relating to childbearing and fertility.

Well cousin, Aunty was rude and insensitive and made me really upset by banging on and on about my fertility in front of everyone. Me and DH have had a difficult time and if she doesn’t want to hear about that then she’s shouldn’t make such inflammatory accusations about us being ‘mean’ in the first place.

I think you should have mentioned what she was doing before she picked on you, too, when she was commenting on your brother's marital status. It's absolutely nothing to do with her.

She’s a twat. Totally selfish. People push and push and push and then get shocked when they get their head bitten off!

Aunty Annie needs to get a grip. It’s them that should be apologising to you!! Ignore them.

Your aunt should mind her own business.

No don't contact her yet. She should have known to change the subject. And your cousin should not have text you like that. I am sorry you haven't been able to have another child - it is v hard to watch everyone else having babies when you cant. You are the one people should have sympathy for, not her.

You were absolutely in the right. Your aunt got what she deserved.

You did nothing wrong and should not apologise! If anything your incredibly rude aunt should apologise for hectoring you and bullying you about something which was none of her business!

I am in the exact same situation as you are. And it absolutely sucks.
I think in the circumstances your response was actually fairly measured and hopefully taught your Aunt to mind her own bloody business in the future.
I can fully appreciate you are playing this over and over in your head so just emphasising again that you did nothing wrong and she should be falling over herself to apologise. I’m glad your mum and SIL were supportive.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your Aunt deserved that response and her behaviour is the problem, not yours.

Dysfunctional family systems will often blame the one that calls out the bad behaviour, rather than the person who behaves badly. She has no right to be “miffed”.

So pleased that your mum stepped in, what a star.

I think reply to cousin is absolutely fine. It allows the 2 of you not to fall out but makes it clear what the issue is. I am a similar age to your auntie - I have 1 child only many thanks to IVF, couldnt have any more. Fertility has been discussed in the media, papers, magazines, TV programmes for at least 20 years. Your auntie was being impertinent believing that she had a right to know. Your mum telling her the same really sends a good strong message. If I were your auntie I would be upset if i upset a niece and would be trying to make amends. I hope she does. You all sound a lovely close family normally.