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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say my choice of holiday destination is not cause of his car crash

202 replies

Flowerpower333 · 28/06/2023 20:49

I made the mistake of not getting dd’s passport sorted for a holiday and so we couldn’t go. We went somewhere in this country and my partner crashed his car. He says i should pay half the damage as it was my fault we were there for not checking the passport. My argument is where ever he was, it is nobody else’s responsibility but his how he drives and he has equal responsibility to me to check whether a passport is in date or not. He says because I booked the holiday and I wanted to go that it was my responsibility to check the passport.

OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 30/06/2023 07:42

Hi OP. So your partner wants to fix his car and not declare the accident to the insurer so needs cash to pay for tge repair? That's his choice.

The accident was his fault as he was driving.

Not having a passport happens - I recently lost my 22yo daughters passport so had to take my 20yo son on holiday instead 😬🤯.

Stay firm. Don't give him a penny.

It's hard breaking up whilst living together ;( Good luck x

Babymamamama · 30/06/2023 07:51

Just split with him asap. People like this can never be reasoned with. Making you responsible for his driver error is madness. This is akin to a wife beater saying you made me lose it so I beat you. Deflection. .

Butchyrestingface · 30/06/2023 07:57

Flowerpower333 · 28/06/2023 21:44

He is a very good dad. He reversed too quickly and caught his bumper

Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.

Give yourself a couple of years post-split to see what his dad-ing is like then before deciding whether he’s good, bad or indifferent.

SeatonCarew · 30/06/2023 09:30

Complete and utter goon!

OP, with respect you sound a bit gullible/ credulous/ liable to take far too much of his nonsense at face value. Please ensure you have somebody smart on your side for the upcoming divorce, because if this is what he's like re this trivial matter he's only going to get a lot worse. You need to wise up fast and be prepared.

I'd recommend you go to the relationships board for support.

SeatonCarew · 30/06/2023 09:33

Oops, just seen he's a DP not a DH so ignore the reference to divorce, but the advice still stands about splitting up. Do not let him sell you and DC down the river.

Bignanny30 · 30/06/2023 14:59

He’s a twat

Whammyyammy · 30/06/2023 15:06

He sounds like a really good boyfriend....

T1Dmama · 30/06/2023 15:34

Tell him the accident was his fault and you’re going to make a claim against him for whiplash! 😂

AcrossthePond55 · 30/06/2023 18:03

Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:18

How did i fuck up on my own though? Whey is it only the womans responsibility to check passports?

It's not. It's the responsibility of both parties, even if there is a pre-agreement between them as to who handles what. DH and I always decide 'duties' together before a big trip. But even then we check with each other to be sure the important stuff has being taken care of or if some help is needed. So yes, you should have taken care of the passport if you said you'd do it, but he should have taken the initiative to check in with you about it.

As far as the accident, the passport had nothing to do with that, he's clutching a straws to save himself some money AND to make you feel like shit. Don't let him.

Is he going on at you about this? If so, you need to say a clear and unequivocal NO and then refuse to discuss it further. Ignore him, refuse to engage. Get up and walk away. Remember: never JADE (Justify, Apologize/Argue, Defend, or Explain).

You need to either get him out or leave yourself, whichever is your best option.

porridgeisbae · 30/06/2023 21:08

There is no connection whatsoever between the accident and the passport issue. Is he normally this thick?

It's probably not thick, it's deliberately manipulative.

Flowerpower333 · 30/06/2023 21:46

Thank you

OP posts:
Flowerpower333 · 30/06/2023 21:47

Sorry typo I meant £1200. But still a lot to claim on insuurance and lose 20yrs no claims

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 30/06/2023 22:39

Flowerpower333 · 30/06/2023 21:47

Sorry typo I meant £1200. But still a lot to claim on insuurance and lose 20yrs no claims

Not your problem. He's the one who didn't take enough care when backing up.

Can you get him to leave so you can have some peace?

Linnie61 · 01/07/2023 10:00

Have you thought of trading in your partner for an actual grownup?

SlipperyLizard · 01/07/2023 10:07

If he has 20 years no claims then he should have paid a little bit more to protect it, then he wouldn’t lose the discount.

Ask him why he didn’t protect his no claims - or will that also be your fault?

Conkersinautumn · 01/07/2023 10:09

The accident had fuck all to do with WHERE it was it was entirely his operation of the car, noone else was involved. Divorce seems a blessing for you as I'd rather be married to someone with at least a hint of logical deduction about them

SamW98 · 01/07/2023 11:29

Flowerpower333 · 30/06/2023 21:47

Sorry typo I meant £1200. But still a lot to claim on insuurance and lose 20yrs no claims

Depending on who he’s with, it’s unlikely he’ll lose his whole 20 years unclaimed anyway. Many companies just knock off a few years

And agree with PP - surely anyone with more than a few years NCP should be paying a small amount more to protect that.

It’s not your fault he’s too tight or stupid to do that

UnRavellingFast · 01/07/2023 11:38

Obviously he’s being being a dick. No further analysis required.

Nanaof1 · 01/07/2023 23:29

It sounds like your NAADP flunked "Adulting 101".

Get your DD's PP renewed and after your NAADP is gone from your life, take her on an overseas holiday. Send him a postcard. Bonus points if the postcard is a picture of a car with a dented bumper.

Catsmere · 01/07/2023 23:40

Nanaof1 · 01/07/2023 23:29

It sounds like your NAADP flunked "Adulting 101".

Get your DD's PP renewed and after your NAADP is gone from your life, take her on an overseas holiday. Send him a postcard. Bonus points if the postcard is a picture of a car with a dented bumper.

I love this idea. 😈

Mamamonty · 02/07/2023 09:08

You are 100% not responsible.

And your life is just about to become so much better.

Please be very careful and read every single document he gets you to sign exceptionally carefully and put yourself first when he tries to get you to sign/agree to anything. In your divorce.

Please also get yourself a clean break order, if he is behaving like this now, when the gloves are on and his life doesn't turn out the way he's planned because he's made of Teflon(and nothing is his fault), you don't want to be supporting him because as he remembers it, you made him divorce you and it's all your fault his life is a mess.

Stand up and take responsibility for your actions Mr!

Misy84 · 02/07/2023 23:34

Flowerpower333 · 28/06/2023 20:49

I made the mistake of not getting dd’s passport sorted for a holiday and so we couldn’t go. We went somewhere in this country and my partner crashed his car. He says i should pay half the damage as it was my fault we were there for not checking the passport. My argument is where ever he was, it is nobody else’s responsibility but his how he drives and he has equal responsibility to me to check whether a passport is in date or not. He says because I booked the holiday and I wanted to go that it was my responsibility to check the passport.

Maybe he should have protected his NCB!!

Ap42 · 06/07/2023 16:08

When I was with my now ex, it was apparently my fault as he was caught speeding (doing 90mph in a 40mph zone) it went to court, he could've lost his license. He was at work at the time, I wasn't even in the car.. Still my fault though as apparently I used to nag him to get home early! The logic of these man children is unreal. Left him 7 years ago, never been happier.
Your soon to be ex is a prick! The passport thing happens, don't know how he has the audacity to blame you for the car or how their even related! Stupid man!

Olivia199 · 06/07/2023 16:47

Flowerpower333 · 30/06/2023 21:47

Sorry typo I meant £1200. But still a lot to claim on insuurance and lose 20yrs no claims

He'll only lose 2-3 years of the NCB and honestly, that's on him anyway. Should have protected it. Accidents happen and this one is all on him.

Misty333 · 07/07/2023 14:14

No Way Pay. His crash his problem!

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