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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say my choice of holiday destination is not cause of his car crash

202 replies

Flowerpower333 · 28/06/2023 20:49

I made the mistake of not getting dd’s passport sorted for a holiday and so we couldn’t go. We went somewhere in this country and my partner crashed his car. He says i should pay half the damage as it was my fault we were there for not checking the passport. My argument is where ever he was, it is nobody else’s responsibility but his how he drives and he has equal responsibility to me to check whether a passport is in date or not. He says because I booked the holiday and I wanted to go that it was my responsibility to check the passport.

OP posts:
FurryPelmet · 28/06/2023 21:40

Ask him to name a single motor insurer which would factor this nonsense in when working out who is at fault for an accident. There are none, because he’s trying to avoid taking responsibility in the only way he can think of. Does he blame you when other things in his life go wrong?

Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 28/06/2023 21:44

He is a very good dad. He reversed too quickly and caught his bumper

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 28/06/2023 21:45

Good point thanks!

OP posts:
DiaNaranja · 28/06/2023 21:47

Unless you deliberately wedged said out of date passport under his brake pedal, then no, this clearly isn't your fault. What an idiot

veryfluffyfluff · 28/06/2023 21:48

Flowerpower333 · 28/06/2023 21:44

He is a very good dad. He reversed too quickly and caught his bumper

No he's not. He is setting a terrible example to your daughter

BamBamBambi · 28/06/2023 21:49

Obviously it’s his fault regarding the car

but if you booked the holiday and suggested it I think it’s your fault for not checking the passport before booking. That’s just common sense.

Avondale89 · 28/06/2023 21:49

Flowerpower333 · 28/06/2023 21:44

He is a very good dad. He reversed too quickly and caught his bumper

Fuck me. Just how low is the bar for men and their parenting these days?

UndercoverCop · 28/06/2023 21:51

The two matters are entirely unrelated, as the person booking the trip I would expect that you would have checked the passports, you didn't it's a mistake, the consequence being you didn't get to go on the holiday.
He reversed too fast without looking, the consequence he crashed his car he gets to use his insurance.
Ignore him

Testina · 28/06/2023 21:52

He’s a total dick and you’re well shot, re the car.

On the passport… nobody expects both parents to check it. So I think the fact you were the holiday Booker does put you more in the frame. Moreso if you’ve positioned yourself or passively accepted the role of Admin for Child, which I’m going to guess that you have.

Still nowt to do with the car though 🤣

Nevermind91 · 28/06/2023 21:54

He crashed his car. You were not driving. It's his doing and his alone.
His argument holds no weight. Does he have a habit of blaming you for his f*-ups?

JeminaSunshine · 28/06/2023 21:54

It's actually his mum's fault.

If she hadn't had sex with his dad, he wouldn't have been born and couldn't have even bought a car.

nutbrownhare15 · 28/06/2023 21:54

'your fault' you were there. Presumably if you hadn't booked the holiday you'd have been in the UK anyway. If it's your fault tell him to tell his insurance company you are the one at fault for him crashing his car as you forgot to check the passport and see how that goes down with them 😂

Whiskeypowers · 28/06/2023 21:55

He sounds really precious and hard work. Trying to blame you for his shit driving is tragic.

Mix56 · 28/06/2023 21:57

He does know that in most other countries they drive on the wrong side of the road ?😂
Even more chance of an accident, oh but wait, that would have been your fault too

Whiskeypowers · 28/06/2023 21:58

nutbrownhare15 · 28/06/2023 21:54

'your fault' you were there. Presumably if you hadn't booked the holiday you'd have been in the UK anyway. If it's your fault tell him to tell his insurance company you are the one at fault for him crashing his car as you forgot to check the passport and see how that goes down with them 😂

Absolutely cracking idea.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 28/06/2023 21:59

It's your fault that he crashed his own car?

It was silly not to check the passport but both of you should have checked it and made sure it was okay before booking anything.

Bonus that he wants to leave.. you sound better off!

Prettypaisleyslippers · 28/06/2023 21:59

My sibling tried this shit on me. Had dropped me off somewhere, I paid petrol money. On return (I wasn’t in car, had been dropped off) they pulled out in front of car and had accident. My fault I’m their eyes?!

weirdoboelady · 28/06/2023 22:05

Actually, you saved his life as if you'd gone on holiday he was due to have a much worse accident. Total tosh of course, but it fits his logic so he might understand it.

Hollyisalrightactuallysorry · 28/06/2023 22:10

I wonder how far we can go back with who's fault it is? Is the passport issue impacted by Brexit? If Germany had won the Second World War then would we even need passports?

If Henry VIII hadn't started the Church of England and made divorce legal then would the laws on cohabiting be any different and would you even be together?

If the Romans hadn't given us roads would he have been driving on dirt and mud? Is there a homo erectus we can trace this accident back to?

TheseThree · 28/06/2023 22:12

@UndercoverCop
Well said. He’s trying to connect unrelated events. You booked a trip without checking all required. He crashed his car.

I do understand he is upset about the change in holiday, but he’s an adult and wants to separate anyway - he can just take himself later.

twoandcooplease · 28/06/2023 22:15

nutbrownhare15 · 28/06/2023 21:54

'your fault' you were there. Presumably if you hadn't booked the holiday you'd have been in the UK anyway. If it's your fault tell him to tell his insurance company you are the one at fault for him crashing his car as you forgot to check the passport and see how that goes down with them 😂

Yes @Flowerpower333 definitely do this!

Lolaandbehold · 28/06/2023 22:17

This is the type of shit my husband comes out with too. It's misdirected anger, they feel better because not blaming you would force him to look inward and accept the blame himself. And why do that when he can make himself feel better by blaming you. I certainly wouldn't be paying half. I usually just roll my eyes at my husband. Suggest you do the same!

Cottagecheeseisnotcheese · 28/06/2023 22:17

the accident is his fault 100% unless you were arguing with him about passport at exact time of accident while he was driving thus distracting him and causing accident, whatever your beef with someone you don't argue the point while they are driving there is no indication this was the case so accident his fault entirely

you booked holiday you should have checked passports insurance EHIC cards ( or whatever they are now post brexit) maybe he could have reminded you child's passports were only 5 years but I think that mistake is 90-95% you

Comety · 28/06/2023 22:19

Well his argument is ridiculous but I probably would see that as a shared expense.

Appleblossompetal · 28/06/2023 22:20

His car, his problem.

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