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AIBU?

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Original poster

Loud kids always come out on top

202 replies

23Elfie · 28/06/2023 14:18

Might be about to get flamed but here goes...

Is it me or do the louder kids always come out on top? And those that are the quieter, don't make a fuss kinda kids just get swept to the side?

Feeling like this about my DD, she's not overly confident but really tries her best and never throws a strop or complains if something doesn't go her way (to the teacher/coach/person in charge) just takes it on the chin and then gets upset at home.

Watched her today get totally mugged off at sports day, definitely came 3rd in a race although the 4th place person was very close, 4th place kid is a loud, bossy child who seems to always get their way and was awarded 3rd place to avoid a kick off I think.

That's just one example though - loud bossy kids who kick off if they don't get their way, always get the main parts in plays etc - quiet kids given the best parts.

Seems like the quiet kids get over looked constantly and I wish DD would speak up - but is it too much to ask for the quiet kids to get noticed without having to make a total show of everything they do?

Feel really deflated for DD on her behalf and don't know what else we can do to up her confidence to speak up a bit. She does a couple of sports clubs but it's the same there too, she joins in and plays well but there's always the golden kids in everything.

She has a group of friends but is never the 'leader' or if she has an idea the others don't seem to listen much - what can I do to get her to assert herself a little bit? I encourage as much as I can to speak up but not sure what else I can do?

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 28/06/2023 20:15

@LegendsBeyond : "I really dislike extroverts though".

@MrsTerryPratchett :"Extroverts might be annoying".

Well both of those are well nasty!

NeelyOHara1 · 28/06/2023 20:17

Agree. There used to be plenty of room and jobs for the non extrovert but now you'd be hard pressed to find the same. It's a factor in the growing mental health crisis I would say..

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/06/2023 20:17

I do think some of these posts are a bit nasty- a confident child who’s extrovert isn’t necessity horrible or brash.
A similar issue is that confident, assertive children rarely get sympathy- if the shy quiet child is upset everyone will take their side. But if you naturally come across as strong and assertive you’re always the bad one, you’re always strong enough to never need support

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:22

NeelyOHara1 · 28/06/2023 20:17

Agree. There used to be plenty of room and jobs for the non extrovert but now you'd be hard pressed to find the same. It's a factor in the growing mental health crisis I would say..

Really?

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2023 20:26

Oblomov23 · 28/06/2023 20:15

@LegendsBeyond : "I really dislike extroverts though".

@MrsTerryPratchett :"Extroverts might be annoying".

Well both of those are well nasty!

Well I am one so I get to say it about myself. PP was just horrible.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2023 20:27

NeelyOHara1 · 28/06/2023 20:17

Agree. There used to be plenty of room and jobs for the non extrovert but now you'd be hard pressed to find the same. It's a factor in the growing mental health crisis I would say..

My DH is in IT. There is PLENTY of room, believe me. WFH is an absolute gift, surely. My brother barely leaves the house any more.

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:31

I think the truth outs. Two of DC's very popular friends in primary from ante natal class's, invited to every party, put on pedestals by teachers, are quite sadly rather disliked and not high achievers later down the line (sixth form). It's really not good for character to be artificially celebrated. It sets people up for a fall. Way better to go a bit unnoticed then surprise. Hang in there.

Yeahyeahno · 28/06/2023 20:32

Some kids are very ‘meh’ though. If there’s nothing to them, they never speak up, give their thoughts etc it’s hard for adults to prioritise them. It’s absolutely nothing to do with intro/ extroversion, which itself has nothing to do with being loud / confident or quiet/ shy

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:32

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:31

I think the truth outs. Two of DC's very popular friends in primary from ante natal class's, invited to every party, put on pedestals by teachers, are quite sadly rather disliked and not high achievers later down the line (sixth form). It's really not good for character to be artificially celebrated. It sets people up for a fall. Way better to go a bit unnoticed then surprise. Hang in there.

Repulsive post.

There are some really bitter, chippy people on this site.

PurplePear7 · 28/06/2023 20:32

It’s very true in the world of work too. Those who shout loudest get what they want and if you’re quiet you get overlooked! It’s so tiring.

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:34

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2023 20:27

My DH is in IT. There is PLENTY of room, believe me. WFH is an absolute gift, surely. My brother barely leaves the house any more.

Show quote history

Yeah. My brother is a germphobic argrophobic introvert and is doing very well noodling around on a computer in his bedroom.

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:36

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:32

Repulsive post.

There are some really bitter, chippy people on this site.

Show quote history

Touched a nerve did I?

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2023 20:36

We should introduce them @Brinner

Oh no wait, maybe not Grin

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:38

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2023 20:36

We should introduce them @Brinner

Oh no wait, maybe not Grin

Ha ha! They could meet online?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2023 20:38

@Pinkscaf you don't think slagging off children for their character traits and celebrating their downfall is a bit... shitty?

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:39

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:36

Touched a nerve did I?

Show quote history

Only because it makes you sound so horrible. It's not their fault your kid wasn't popular at primary.

NeelyOHara1 · 28/06/2023 20:39

Not every shy, quiet person is a super intelligent "nerd" with options though.

MummyInTheNecropolis · 28/06/2023 20:40

I was a quiet, painfully shy, often overlooked child. I’m now a loud and confident adult and a teacher. I am hyper aware that the quieter children might miss out so do my best to counteract this whenever I can. I often give out awards/points/prizes for things like making good choices, being kind, good sitting, good listening etc. I hope this helps the quieter ones feel seen and valued.

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:42

You don't think those who are ignored, repeatedly told they're not as good and bulliefmd by rather over inflated obnoxious types don't suffer from the misplaced arrogance? Later on hard work and ability matters more than pushy parent is my point. Call me what you like.

Yeahyeahno · 28/06/2023 20:44

@Pinkscaf you’re coming across as very mean to children, do you mean to?

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:44

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:42

You don't think those who are ignored, repeatedly told they're not as good and bulliefmd by rather over inflated obnoxious types don't suffer from the misplaced arrogance? Later on hard work and ability matters more than pushy parent is my point. Call me what you like.

Bullies aren't the same as extrovert, confident kids.

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:45

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:44

Bullies aren't the same as extrovert, confident kids.

Show quote history

Time will tell

Brinner · 28/06/2023 20:47

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:42

You don't think those who are ignored, repeatedly told they're not as good and bulliefmd by rather over inflated obnoxious types don't suffer from the misplaced arrogance? Later on hard work and ability matters more than pushy parent is my point. Call me what you like.

I think I'd rather be loud and a bit cocky and self assured than slyly waiting and hoping for others failure. Or be an adult pleased to see teens fail so your own child.looks better. That isn't good for your soul.

Pinkscaf · 28/06/2023 20:47

Yeahyeahno · 28/06/2023 20:44

@Pinkscaf you’re coming across as very mean to children, do you mean to?

Are you trying to bully me yeah for standing up for quieter DC?

Yeahyeahno · 28/06/2023 20:49

Bully you? Are you quite ok?!