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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have uninvited her after she failed to respond to my messages?

178 replies

wisteriasmoke · 28/06/2023 04:57

Yesterday, a friend of mine was feeling under the weather and transferred her reservation at 20:00 for this restaurant I'd been dying to try out to me.

I messaged another friend about it and we made tentative plans to meet up after work. I told her to text me a confirmation by 18:00. 18:30 comes around and still no reply (she didn't pick up my call either), so I found someone else to have dinner with.

At 19:15, the initial friend I'd invited sent me a message telling me that she was done with her workout and was ready for our dinner. I apologised and told her that I'd be going with X instead.

Friend replied with something passive aggressive. I asked if I should've waited around not knowing if she would decide to go or if she would ultimately cancel at the last minute 'like before'. I got a 'LOL so petty' as a reply.

WIBU? Confused

OP posts:
Aprilx · 28/06/2023 05:06

What does you made “tentative plans” to meet up after work mean? Perhaps your friend thought making plans to meet up after work were real plans not tentative ones.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 28/06/2023 05:11

Did you text "Hi do you maybe fancy dinner at X later" or "Hi, I have secured a booking at x, do you fancy dinner? I need to know for definite by 6pm. How exciting, it's normally impossible to get in"

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/06/2023 05:11

Yes, as April says above.

But I like to know what I'm doing. Not good at flying by the seat of my pants, and I'm assuming the restaurant would have charged a fee if you were a no show. So I would have done what you did, but sometimes people perceive me as being as being a bit uptight. Grin

stayathomer · 28/06/2023 05:14

I’d be pretty pissed off, she was working out and didn’t see her phone and then you replaced her?!

Phoebo · 28/06/2023 05:17

stayathomer · 28/06/2023 05:14

I’d be pretty pissed off, she was working out and didn’t see her phone and then you replaced her?!

Why, their plans were only tentative and she didn't confirm by the agreed time? Was she meant to just what around and see what happene

Original poster
wisteriasmoke · 28/06/2023 05:20

Aprilx · 28/06/2023 05:06

What does you made “tentative plans” to meet up after work mean? Perhaps your friend thought making plans to meet up after work were real plans not tentative ones.

'Maybe? We'll see.'

That was the last afternoon message I got from her.

OP posts:
Catspyjamas17 · 28/06/2023 05:21

YANBU but I'd have tried to call first friend instead of texting, initially. Always better when it's short notice.

DcatAnnie · 28/06/2023 05:21

wisteriasmoke · 28/06/2023 05:20

'Maybe? We'll see.'

That was the last afternoon message I got from her.

Show quote history

I would have asked someone else just because of her reply tbh

veryfluffyfluff · 28/06/2023 05:23

Aprilx · 28/06/2023 05:06

What does you made “tentative plans” to meet up after work mean? Perhaps your friend thought making plans to meet up after work were real plans not tentative ones.

This

Sounds like a communication breakdown. From your post you sound like someone who has very precise accurate communication but not everyone does.

I can completely understand why you'd need to know by a certain time rather than waste the reservation but perhaps your initial invitee thought they had already agreed

PurplePetalPip · 28/06/2023 05:23

YANBU. She didn't confirm by the agreed time, you tried numerous times to get hold of her. If she'd turned round and said no at last minute, you might not have got anyone else to join you in time. You did the right thing. She sounds really annoying.

veryfluffyfluff · 28/06/2023 05:24

wisteriasmoke · 28/06/2023 05:20

'Maybe? We'll see.'

That was the last afternoon message I got from her.

Show quote history

Ah cross posted. In that case no, you did the right thing. You needed to get a firm commitment.

Phoebo · 28/06/2023 05:24

wisteriasmoke · 28/06/2023 05:20

'Maybe? We'll see.'

That was the last afternoon message I got from her.

Show quote history

Your friend is a bit of a dick, we'll see could also mean no! I think given you gave her a time to respond, then it's on her. I'd just leave it now. Maybe just reply, "Sorry! I dodnt hear back and I didn't want to miss the reservation/pay for no show". But I'd probably not bother. Only other question, why couldn't she come as well?

Phoebo · 28/06/2023 05:24

Or reply back ... "you snooze, you lose ... lol"

Fab973 · 28/06/2023 05:26

it depends when the “we’ll see” message was sent but Upon receiving that message I would have said “don’t worry about it we will catch up another time” Everyone knows where they stand.

why did you book if that has been her response? She clearly didn’t want to commit.

it feels like there is a lot more in terms of tinelines and back story you aren’t telling us OP

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/06/2023 05:28

We'll see isn't a commitment. I would have found someone definite at that point, which is what you did.

@wisteriasmoke I am assuming you or your previous friend who booked the restaurant would have been charged if no one had gone.

Willmafrockfit · 28/06/2023 05:30

i think you should have told her, never mind i have got someone else

Original poster
wisteriasmoke · 28/06/2023 05:33

Fab973 · 28/06/2023 05:26

it depends when the “we’ll see” message was sent but Upon receiving that message I would have said “don’t worry about it we will catch up another time” Everyone knows where they stand.

why did you book if that has been her response? She clearly didn’t want to commit.

it feels like there is a lot more in terms of tinelines and back story you aren’t telling us OP

I didn't make the reservation. Another friend of mine booked 2 seats for herself and someone else and transferred the booking to me when she woke up feeling sick.

OP posts:
Phoebo · 28/06/2023 05:35

Willmafrockfit · 28/06/2023 05:30

i think you should have told her, never mind i have got someone else

Or she could have figured it out herself given OP said to let her know by 6.30?

Wolfinthehouse · 28/06/2023 05:35

She sounds delightful, that last message would knock the friendship on the head for me.
I can't stand people who don't just say yes or no to plans, she even had a set time to decide by!

Wheretfaremykeysthistime · 28/06/2023 05:36

She should have been clearer than "we'll see" and should have messaged you to confirm in time, you should have told her what was happening when you didn't hear from her by 6.30. It sounds like a misunderstanding where you're both partially responsible.

Emptycrackedcup · 28/06/2023 05:38

Wheretfaremykeysthistime · 28/06/2023 05:36

She should have been clearer than "we'll see" and should have messaged you to confirm in time, you should have told her what was happening when you didn't hear from her by 6.30. It sounds like a misunderstanding where you're both partially responsible.

Agree with this. You were also a bit rude with your "like last time" and you could have let her know it was off. Poor communication from both, and both a bit rude. You seem well suited. Just laugh it off and move on. Suggest coffee in a week or something

Gracewithoutend · 28/06/2023 05:42

We'll see!!! I'd take that as a no....for all future dinner plans.

Youremyshininglight · 28/06/2023 06:05

No, I don't think you were at all.she left you hanging, then didn't respond by the requested time and then you tried to chase it. She doesn't get to leave it till the last minute to decide whether to deign you with her presence and risk you missing out on a special restaurant.

Clymene · 28/06/2023 06:09

She sounds really rude and self absorbed so no loss. Hope you had a nice dinner.

Clymene · 28/06/2023 06:10

And you weren't rude at all. You were clear. You told her you needed to know by 18.00. She didn't let you know.

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