To have uninvited her after she failed to respond to my messages?

[wisteriasmoke]

Yesterday, a friend of mine was feeling under the weather and transferred her reservation at 20:00 for this restaurant I'd been dying to try out to me.

I messaged another friend about it and we made tentative plans to meet up after work. I told her to text me a confirmation by 18:00. 18:30 comes around and still no reply (she didn't pick up my call either), so I found someone else to have dinner with.

At 19:15, the initial friend I'd invited sent me a message telling me that she was done with her workout and was ready for our dinner. I apologised and told her that I'd be going with X instead.

Friend replied with something passive aggressive. I asked if I should've waited around not knowing if she would decide to go or if she would ultimately cancel at the last minute 'like before'. I got a 'LOL so petty' as a reply.

WIBU?

YANBU. She was rude with her response of 'maybe' and you were gracious to give her longer to decide. She was rude again putting you in the position of having to chase her up at 6.30. You were gracious again apologising when she finally got back to you.

She was rude again and again so I'm not surprised you eventually snapped back a bit with your comment of 'like last time'.

She sounds like a shit friend so no loss if she has the hump with you

Yanbu

Ha ha, soooo true!!! 😆

But why didn't you just reply the first time "going to need definite confirmation, no worries if you can't come but I'm definitely going and will ask x instead" then you all know where you stand. There was no need to get into a pass agg. Fight with her. I think YABU.

The OP said. The first communication about this was in the afternoon. Lots of time for the gym-goer to reply definitively.

Your friend is a dick

I would tell her to fck off. So rude. Who responds to an invite ‘we’ll see’??!! Basically she wanted you to wait around to see if she felt like it after working out. Who the hell does she think she is?! No one is fawning over another person’s company that much. I remember once I when I texted an invite to my daughter’s birthday party, the mom replied ‘We’ll let you know.’ I just thought ‘yes I would hope so. That’s the normal procedure upon receiving an invitation.’ People like your ‘friend’ never change and I would be questioning whether she really values your company if she cannot even commit to a simple dinner invitation.

You didn't uninvite her, she didn't confirm as requested. She uninvited herself. YANBU. Really poor show from her .

She did. She said she needed confirmation by 6pm. How much clearer did she need to be?

OP thought she would get a definitive answer by 6.00 and she didn't. She tried to call her and no answer. AND this flakey friend has form for being inconsiderate and last-minute cancels.

You were more than fair, OP. Although in future I'd not be choosing this friend for short-notice invites. Ionly be socialise in group situations with people like this, so if they flake it doesn't matter.

Both are unreasonable, you didn't need to add in "like last time" that was petty. She should have text by the time you asked her to, does she think dinner reservations are just rough estimates? Anyway, both at fault, no need to you to be passive aggressive, if you dont like her flakiness, dont invite her.

Pointing out someone’s repeated shitty behaviour isn’t petty, it is making CF friend aware OP sees a pattern and it won’t be tolerated. CF didn’t like this and responded in the most pathetic and childish way.

The friendship would be scaled right back for me OP, life is too short to deal with people who think they’re more important than you.

It’s not petty, she’s a flaky twat who expected OP to wait around for hours for her response.

OP is not at fault at all, you are probably a flaky person too.

Exactly!

Having given her the 18.00 deadline you were NBU to replace her.

But in the ensuing exchange you should just have been factual and direct instead of asking her a q and adding ‘like before’. Just say “When it wasn’t confirmed by 18.00 I ent ahead and made other plans in case you weren’t able to make it”.

I cannot believe so many posters have missed the fact we don’t know WHEN she sent the text giving the 18.00 deadline

17.58?

That was not an acceptable reply from her. I would have assumed she wasn't very keen and tried to find someone else too.

If she was keen she should have said "Great, lets do it"

I can't believe you're making up really unlikely scenarios @Lesssugarketchup

“We’ll see” is so rude! I can’t imagine receiving that text from any of my friends. Who does she think she is? And then it turns out her joining you was about what time she’d be done in the gym.

Look on the bright side though. You know exactly what she thinks of you. This is no friend. You’re someone she doesn’t value or respect, and would only have time for if she has nothing else to do. To actually go to the effort of telling someone you think they’re being “petty”….nah. Lucky escape, pal.

😂

what? That I’m intrigued that the Op didn’t clarify when she sent the text but was very specific about her timing deadlines?

Surely it doesn’t matter?

Friend text back ‘we’ll see’, then no other confirmation/communication.

So when she came out of the gym at 7:15, she would have seen the I need to know by 6:30 or I’m taking someone else.

So surely she would have known, so why then say ‘I’m ready now’

YANBU her reply was too wishy washy and non committal.

I'm like you OP, and like to plan ahead with what I'm doing so I would have done the same. However I've found that some people (looking at you EXDP) like to do everything last minute and without foresight.

With those types of people you have to be really clear in terms of what is expected. In the case of your friend, as you hadn't heard from her by 6.30pm, I'd have texted her to say "No worries, we'll catch up another time", so that when she did come back she'd have seen you'd gone ahead without her, and that there were no hard feelings.

I would send screenshots of your discussion and ask her where exactly she had committed to meeting you. We’ll see is not the same thing as “Thankyou, that sounds fabulous!”

She thought she could leave you on a maybe all day and that you'd sit around waiting until 45 minutes before the booking?

She's unreasonable. 45 minutes is not enough time to get ready and get to a restaurant for me, and I wouldn't have got myself ready on a 'maybe'.

Don’t do this.