To have uninvited her after she failed to respond to my messages?

[wisteriasmoke]

Yesterday, a friend of mine was feeling under the weather and transferred her reservation at 20:00 for this restaurant I'd been dying to try out to me.

I messaged another friend about it and we made tentative plans to meet up after work. I told her to text me a confirmation by 18:00. 18:30 comes around and still no reply (she didn't pick up my call either), so I found someone else to have dinner with.

At 19:15, the initial friend I'd invited sent me a message telling me that she was done with her workout and was ready for our dinner. I apologised and told her that I'd be going with X instead.

Friend replied with something passive aggressive. I asked if I should've waited around not knowing if she would decide to go or if she would ultimately cancel at the last minute 'like before'. I got a 'LOL so petty' as a reply.

WIBU?

She was rude to ignore your request for confirmation at 6 pm, when you had messaged her 3 hrs prior. I really couldn’t be bothered with anyone who is so self centred.

18:30 comes around and still no reply (she didn't pick up my call either), so I found someone else to have dinner with.

Sometime after 18.30 - its right there in the OP (Unless you think the specific minute is relevant?)

I wouldn’t want a friend who thought it was okay to reply with maybe we will see?!!

I would send a 😂 emoji back and tell her to work on her communication skills. CF.

So your friend has form for mucking you about. She cancels at the last minute, or leaves you hanging while she waits to see if she gets a better offer. Some people will think this behaviour is trivial, but it is a clear sign that she doesn't respect you, and feels entitled to treat you without consideration. Personally, once I'd seen a dynamic like this clearly, I would end the friendship. This is not someone you can rely on, or who treats you kindly.

But OP said like last time after friend said something passive aggressive.

Op's friend was rude 3 times ( saying maybe we'll see to.invitation, not responding to her by 6pm to confirm and then finalky being passive agressive at 19:15.) before Op was to her by saying like last time.

If your friend wasn't trying to be awkward she would have said "i know it is after 6pm, sorry not got back to you on time but I am available for dinner if still space?"

Assuming she was coming is really entitled. So is the "we'll see" comment. If this is normal behaviour for her i would probably distance myself.

Your friend is an idiot. If you're asked to confirm by a certain time, then confirm by a certain time or miss out. It's not hard. Don't know why (other than it being Classic MN) people are trying really hard to make this OP's mistake.

I’ve got friends who sometimes do this but I do expect them to confirm by a certain time because like you, am I just supposed to wait for her or not go. I don’t like flakiness but depending on the person and my level of friendship with them I can factor it in, within reason.

The we’ll see and her other comment would really irritate me, she sounds flakey, but you equally doing a bit pissed off with her with the “like last time” comment.

With friends like this I have kept the friendship and met up with them so I know what they’re like. One I did end the friendship but not just over the flakiness and always being late!

Of course YANBU.

Your friend was a twat for replying ‘we’ll see’.

If someone had replied to my invitation like that, I’d assume they were waiting to see if they got a better offer, so I’d bin them off at that point.

‘No worries. Forget it and I’ll find someone else and maybe let me know when you’re free another time?…’

If they were genuinely busy and not sure if they could make it, they should have said so at the outset. Otherwise, they’re expecting OP to hang around and preventing her finalising her own plans. Them having a problem knowing if they can or can’t make something shouldn't become the OP’s problem too.

There's obv history tho, you said like last time. So she has a habit of cancelling last minute or you using one unfortunate example to berate her?

The we’ll see and her other comment would really irritate me, she sounds flakey, but you equally doing a bit pissed off with her with the “like last time” comment

Why is the expectation that if a person is being a dickhead you can't call them out on this? OP is allowed to be pissed off, and she's allowed to express that. This is why people continue to act like this, because they're never held to account.

Your friends the rude one and I’m not sure I’d want to be friends with someone so selfish.

As a parent, 'maybe' or 'we'll see' usually means no. If she'd have said, 'I'm going for a work out, at 6, can we maybe book a little later?', I'd get it.. she's being a bit of a knob.

I don't understand some people's social rules. How is OP as unreasonable as her 'we'll see' mate for pointing out that this has happened before? Do some people in the works just have free reign to be rude to everyone around them, and then there is another set of people who just have to accept this behaviour and never point it out?

*world not works

her message was non commital and unenthusiastic. Why would you want to go out to dinner with someone so half arsed! She could have written." I'd love to come but not sure how I'll be feeling. Can I let you know after my work out at 7.15 or is that too late? "

You weren't being at all unreasonable.
Can't stand people like these who keep others hanging on.
Hope you enjoyed your evening.

At such short notice I'd have taken the 'we'll see' as 'i'll see if a get a better offer', treated it as a no and asked someone else. Your 'friend' is lucky you gave her until six thirty to to find better plans.

Well she didn’t confirm, and she decided to only inform you last minute she wanted to go, after you’d texted with with an earlier deadline. Which presumable was to give yourself time to organise someone else.

‘Maybe, we’ll see’ would be the last time I’d ever attempt to make plans with them. I couldn’t be friends with someone like that

We all know “We’ll see….” is implicitly followed by “…if I can be arsed” or “…if anything better comes up”. She was umming and aahhing, eventually deciding this was a better option than sitting at home alone - but the OP didn’t want to wait around until she made up her mind. That’s the risk you take when you hedge your bets like this.

If I got an invitation at 3 for dinner at 8 and genuinely wasn’t sure I’d be able to make it, I’d either decline just in case so that my friend could make other plans, or I’d be upfront and ask could I let them know by X time (and not take umbrage if they said they needed to know before then). The OP shouldn’t have had to specify a deadline - it was on the friend to either commit one way or the other or to say when they’d be able to confirm.

Friend ignored OP’s deadline and thought it was okay to say she was on her way at 7.15. What if OP hadn’t set a deadline? Did she think it was okay to leave it until 45 minutes before the reservation to say “Yes, I’m coming”?

Who would send a text at 5.58 saying “I need to know by 6”? You might call at 6 saying “I really need to know now”, but no one sends a text that needs a reply within two minutes. Ridiculous suggestion.

@blackbeardsballsack because when op said ‘like before’ she’s being passive aggressive. That doesn’t mean the alternative is putting up with her friend being flakey. The alternative is not asking that friend in this situation.

How did I berate her?

She has form for doing the ‘we’ll see’ thing even for meetings initiated by her. I don’t mind that response much when we’re meeting at the coffeeshop since I’d be there anyway with or without her.

Her doing the same for places that require a reservation, however, bothers me a lot more and actually caused a rift the last time she cancelled after I was already en route to the restaurant.

Yes, my reply was probably a bit snippy but, as much as I enjoy hanging out with her, it’s frustrating having to go with the bloody flow and then have to read the inevitable ‘LOL so petty/why are you so salty/good for you’ when the river finally decides to flow in a different direction.

Where’s the passive bit? OP directly referenced another occasion where the friend had let her down - seems pretty direct to me.