To have uninvited her after she failed to respond to my messages?

[wisteriasmoke]

Yesterday, a friend of mine was feeling under the weather and transferred her reservation at 20:00 for this restaurant I'd been dying to try out to me.

I messaged another friend about it and we made tentative plans to meet up after work. I told her to text me a confirmation by 18:00. 18:30 comes around and still no reply (she didn't pick up my call either), so I found someone else to have dinner with.

At 19:15, the initial friend I'd invited sent me a message telling me that she was done with her workout and was ready for our dinner. I apologised and told her that I'd be going with X instead.

Friend replied with something passive aggressive. I asked if I should've waited around not knowing if she would decide to go or if she would ultimately cancel at the last minute 'like before'. I got a 'LOL so petty' as a reply.

WIBU?

Exactly. If you're going to dinner surely you'd let someone know by about 5 so they can plan ahead. 7.15 seems late to be letting someone know you're free for dinner that night

She needed to be clearer she'd invite someone else. Setting a 6pm deadline is strange. Just make the plan earlier in the day if it's so important to you.

I'm not saying friend was right, "we'll see" is a dick response but could be dealt with at the time.

Apart from anything else, it would have been rude to the restaurant to cancel the booking at very late notice so I would feel obliged to either form a proper plan with someone or cancel the reservation.

OPs friend is selfish & doesn't seem to think about other people's convenience only her own. Then acts annoyed when other people put themselves first.

That's too vague. I'd have interpreted that as the start of a brush off and made other plans.

I just think that both of them potentially were thoughtless if the op did send at 17.58 let’s say.

and it’s just another mumsnet friendship where they behave like year 9 frenemies

@Lesssugarketchup

She said 'I messaged another friend about it and we made tentative plans to meet up after work'

Most people finish work 5/5.30 so I think it's a fairly safe bet to assume it was earlier than that.

She sent the ‘we’ll see’ message at 15:12. I told her to confirm by 18:00 at 15:14!

Ah so you have her a very good amount of time.

Ok. So she was very rude to you.

but seriously - this can’t possibly be a genuine friendship that it descends in to this kind of exchange so quickly.

20 years with my closest group of girlfriends from university - and never in a month of Sundays have we come close to this kind of exchange

I think your friend is actually bloody rude and her message’we’ll see’ sounds as if she might do you a big favour in coming! I genuinely wouldn’t bother again TBH .

The wonderful thing about texts is that you can see them instantly and reply instantly.
"Wow what a treat. See you there". If I hadn't seen the message and lost the chance that's on me. Or her in this case

Perhaps she was hoping for a better offer and decided to grace you with her presence when that didnt materialise. Handy to keep your option hanging just in case. If there is a next time ( and she wouldn't be my first choice ever again tbh) perhaps she will remember this and make a firm,and immediate, commitment.

Upon receiving that message I would have said “don’t worry about it we will catch up another time” Everyone knows where they stand

I agree with @Fab973 I wouldn't have left "Yes, maybe" hanging

She was being passive aggressive stating "like last time", if her friend is that irritating, then dont invite her. Why are you turning this on me, at what point have you deducted im flaky because I told her not to make snarky comments and then not like being called out on it? You cant be that bored at 8am that you're already trying to pick fights?

I agree.

I would have killed that completely upon such an extremely rude response.

However I have never received anything near such a rude response from a friend, ever.

A friend who valued and respected herself and you, wouldn't dream of being so rude.

She answered you like she might go if nothing better turned up, but hadn't the basic manners or cop on to be discreet about it.

Not someone I would waste time with.

All bets are off after that message!

I have a ‘let’s play it by ear’ friend, and she’d never be that rude.

YANBU.

We'll see what I wonder?

If she can bothered after her workout?

If she gets a better offer?

If she "has form", best to make firm plans with someone else!

I think the deadline is good, rather than you have to decide then and there if you want to go out to dinner. Sometimes I need to figure out what else I need to do and if it's feasible.

What time did you find someone else to go to dinner with OP?

‘We’ll see’ is an irritating response. When the deadline passed I would have sent a ‘since I haven’t heard I’m assuming you’re a no’ but then I wouldn’t have given her time to decide. It’s a yes or no situation. Glad you found someone else and had a nice dinner.

18.01 of course. Why is that relevant? What is with these ridiculous questions 🙄

No your friend left it to late. If it was only the possibility not a confirmed plan. I would have done the same.

She did call.
@wisteriasmoke you are not in the wrong here

Yanbu

She does sound rather rude, but it's SO easy to fall out because of misunderstandings on text. I'd just say sorry for the misunderstanding and put it behind you.

Inviting someone else is irrelevant.

If friend didn’t like the 6om deadline she should have just said I can’t make it.