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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have uninvited her after she failed to respond to my messages?

178 replies

wisteriasmoke · 28/06/2023 04:57

Yesterday, a friend of mine was feeling under the weather and transferred her reservation at 20:00 for this restaurant I'd been dying to try out to me.

I messaged another friend about it and we made tentative plans to meet up after work. I told her to text me a confirmation by 18:00. 18:30 comes around and still no reply (she didn't pick up my call either), so I found someone else to have dinner with.

At 19:15, the initial friend I'd invited sent me a message telling me that she was done with her workout and was ready for our dinner. I apologised and told her that I'd be going with X instead.

Friend replied with something passive aggressive. I asked if I should've waited around not knowing if she would decide to go or if she would ultimately cancel at the last minute 'like before'. I got a 'LOL so petty' as a reply.

WIBU? Confused

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 28/06/2023 11:36

Yourfriend wasnt sure if shewas going or not. So you asked another friend as she put the onus on you by transferring the reservation. I think she was remiss in not ketting you know till the very last minute. YANBU. But maybe you should have phoned. But it still wasn't your fault.

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 28/06/2023 11:41

To be fair, you didn't uninvite her. You made other arrangements when she didn't get back to you by the agreed time.

Laserbird16 · 28/06/2023 11:42

She doesn't sound a particularly good friend. I'd leave it, then if she wants to meet up just tell her 'Maybe, we'll see' 😈

Kittycat37uk · 28/06/2023 11:57

I hate these type of wishy-washy people that just go with the flow and generally have no regard for anyone but themselves. I can't be friends with these type of ppl as I'm a very straightforward person will give a very direct yes or no on plans and hate to be messed about myself it would bug the fuck out of me being friends with someone like your friend who doesn't give u a straight answer either yes I'd love to come or no I can't. By saying to you I'll see its them holding like a power over u and I feel like some ppl like having that power over u and especially the message she sent you back passive aggressive bitch I'd tell her to delete my number and forget about me trying to mug u off like that nope sorry your friend sounds like a dick and I'm angry for you.

whynotwhatknot · 28/06/2023 12:03

no shes a rude twat

we'll see means if i dont find something better to do

how old is she

Humidititties · 28/06/2023 12:13

Viviennemary · 28/06/2023 11:36

Yourfriend wasnt sure if shewas going or not. So you asked another friend as she put the onus on you by transferring the reservation. I think she was remiss in not ketting you know till the very last minute. YANBU. But maybe you should have phoned. But it still wasn't your fault.

OP did phone, it's right there in the OP

Original poster
wisteriasmoke · 28/06/2023 12:21

whynotwhatknot · 28/06/2023 12:03

no shes a rude twat

we'll see means if i dont find something better to do

how old is she

We’re both in our early 30s.

OP posts:
Trying2understand · 28/06/2023 12:23

You were in the right @wisteriasmoke

I hope you had a nice meal!

porridgeisbae · 28/06/2023 12:23

Like PP's said, the 'maybe? we'll see' is obnoxious.

If it was due to not knowing when they'd have to work or something then the person would say that.

On its own it comes across as 'maybe I'll be arsed going out with you or maybe I won't, depending if I can be bothered/get a better offer.'

roundtable · 28/06/2023 12:26

I don't think you were unreasonable.

Hopefully she'll take heed of this and change her behaviour. Hopefully you still had a great time.

Superdupes · 28/06/2023 12:34

If she doesn't speak to you again then I don't think it will be a big loss.

museumum · 28/06/2023 12:42

Just repeat with
'sorry you missed out but I decided to invite somebody who was willing to commit'

thecatinthetwat · 28/06/2023 12:44

@WomanStanleyWoman2
but it’s not directly dealing with the behaviour. You say at the time that something isn’t ok or you drop it. You don’t start adding up past transgressions to throw in at later points.
this is clearly not the right friend to invite in this scenario. You wouldn’t keep inviting her and then snipe at her, that’s passive aggressive.

RobertsRadio · 28/06/2023 12:47

Your "friend" was rude and you were definitely NU. Hope you and the friend who did say Yes, enjoyed the meal.

Zonder · 28/06/2023 12:48

If the best she can do at 3pm is we'll see I don't blame you for asking someone else.

MaidOfSteel · 28/06/2023 12:49

She didn't confirm, like you asked, so she doesn't have a leg to stand on. You did the right thing, OP. Hope the meal was fab!

fifeefifoo · 28/06/2023 12:50

Ghost and move on.

MrsMiddleMother · 28/06/2023 13:00

Yanbu. She sounds like a twat and not one I'd want to be friends with. However, if there is a next time, when she says 'we'll see' you say no ill invite someine else.
Hope your other friend is ok.

readbooksdrinktea · 28/06/2023 13:00

stayathomer · 28/06/2023 05:14

I’d be pretty pissed off, she was working out and didn’t see her phone and then you replaced her?!

Nah, she could have committed earlier. YANBU, OP.

Tophy124 · 28/06/2023 13:02

I’d move on from this friend. She was rude in the initial reply and wishy washy and then didn’t confirm as she prioritized her workout and text you back really late notice!

readbooksdrinktea · 28/06/2023 13:03

porridgeisbae · 28/06/2023 12:23

Like PP's said, the 'maybe? we'll see' is obnoxious.

If it was due to not knowing when they'd have to work or something then the person would say that.

On its own it comes across as 'maybe I'll be arsed going out with you or maybe I won't, depending if I can be bothered/get a better offer.'

Agree.

'Maybe, we'll see' usually means 'unless I get a better offer' or 'no' .

PrincessofWellies · 28/06/2023 13:11

Your friend is rude.

applepearplum · 28/06/2023 13:26

Move on from this friend. She's not worth it.

Backtoreality1 · 28/06/2023 13:28

I think at the point that i decided to go with someone else I might have just dropped her a text to tell her that, but otherwise you have done nothing wrong

uncomfortablydumb53 · 28/06/2023 13:28

YANBU You needed a firm Yes
She was rude