To have uninvited her after she failed to respond to my messages?

[wisteriasmoke]

Yesterday, a friend of mine was feeling under the weather and transferred her reservation at 20:00 for this restaurant I'd been dying to try out to me.

I messaged another friend about it and we made tentative plans to meet up after work. I told her to text me a confirmation by 18:00. 18:30 comes around and still no reply (she didn't pick up my call either), so I found someone else to have dinner with.

At 19:15, the initial friend I'd invited sent me a message telling me that she was done with her workout and was ready for our dinner. I apologised and told her that I'd be going with X instead.

Friend replied with something passive aggressive. I asked if I should've waited around not knowing if she would decide to go or if she would ultimately cancel at the last minute 'like before'. I got a 'LOL so petty' as a reply.

WIBU?

I think I'd have done this - but as there weren't any definite plans, and you'd given her a time you needed to know by, you are not the one at fault.
She was totally rude and self-centred.

Not everything requires a confrontation though. The first time OP’s friend let her down, she might have been annoyed, but didn’t make a thing of it because it was a one-off. Now it’s happened twice, it’s starting to look like a pattern instead of bad luck. It’s not unreasonable to think “I’ve let it go once, but not twice”.

If OP had suddenly had a go at her friend out of the blue because she forgot they were going to the cinema three months ago, then yes, I’d agree the time to say something had passed. But this is a repetition of the same behaviour.

More to the point, @wisteriasmoke , how was the restaurant? Was it a good meal?

It was! Was still pretty frustrated when we got there but managed to (almost) forget about what happened once the food arrived which I'd consider a win.

I bet you spent an age bitching about her with her friend over dinner.

Come on Op… admit it! 😂

Did you even read the OP's responses? The other person had ALREADY replied with, "Maybe. We'll see." BEFORE the 1800 time. The other person needed to make up her mind BY 1800 and let OP know her decision. "Maybe. We'll see." is NOT a decision, so the other person can just go work out and see if something better would come along.

OP was totally, completely and utterly in the right here and the fact that some MNer's cannot see that, shows me more than I wished I knew about some. FFS

The point has obviously escaped you.

I can't believe some posters cannot comprehend that when someone says, "Maybe. We'll see."; it's not a decision, and she did NOT "see" to it before 1800.

How daft some people seem to be, unless they are the type of friend who thinks others should be "blessed" when they gift others with their presence, so they are sticking up for the other person, as that is how they would behave.

@Lesssugarketchup seems to be stuck on the 17:58 timeline even though it makes no sense as the other person would not have said, "Maybe. We'll see." if she needed to decide in two minutes. It's daft to try to rewrite the scenario like a few seem determined to do.

That was the first thing that popped into my mind. She didn't get a better offer by the time she was done with the gym, so decided she'd gift the OP with her presence. She seems the type of "friend" that even if she had said, "Sure. Let's!", if something else she liked better came up, she'd let the OP know at 19:59 that she couldn't make it.

Maybe they need to verify to the very tenth of a second?

Goodness @Nanaof1 - quite the OP’s cheerleader! 😂

Well, we need to live vicariously through you so.....

What did you have for dinner?
How was the service?
Was it as nice as you thought it would be?
Was the friend that went good company?
Did you have an appetizer? Wine? Dessert?
Was it worth the anticipation/wait?

Inquiring minds need to know details! 😆😉😎

Oh I love a nosy thread!

Better to be a cheerleader than to be a thorn in her side with silly accusations/scenarios.

But, you do you! 😆

Willing the Op to return to answer your questions!

im quite surprised she sounds like a teenager

Ooh it's my time to shine!

We ordered a mix of things so ended up with quite an assortment of sashimi and nigiri, along with some wagyu gyoza and miso sea bass. Service was great — bit of a mix up with some dishes but nothing too damming. Friend was perfect. She never really seemed like much of a foodie to me but my eyes have been opened and I have seen the light! Had a glass of Chablis which was good but I was hoping for Sancerre. I'm not complaining though! 😆

AAwww!!! It does sound like it was good food and fun times!

Thank you for answering. It is really nice to read the "endings" of a thread, or the conclusion. I hope it lived up to your expectations, as sometimes, they do not and that is always disappointing (been there/done that/got the tee-shirt).

Hmmm let's think about this one.

Messaging "we'll see" as a response to an invitation = obnoxious.

Not responding by 6pm when asked to confirm one way or the other = rude.

Assuming you're joining the OP despite not actually confirming you wanted to come and having left her hanging = entitled.

Passive aggressive response to text from OP saying sorry, she'd asked someone else as she hadn't heard back = double rude.

Typing out and sending "LOL so pretty" when OP pointed this out = honestly just sack her off at this point.

'Maybe? We'll see.' reads to me as "Yes, unless I get a better offer in which case I'll suddenly be 'shattered' and 'coming down with something so I'm going to take myself off to bed.'"

I agree YANBU, although if you really did want to have this meal with her and needed her reply by a certain time, then I would have said that straight up. TBH I wouldn't ever plan for a 1:1 with her again... she sounds like she's achieved sun-perished plastic levels of flakiness.

Sorry I missed your post saying you told her the confirmation deadline about three hours before it. YWDNBU.

@ThreeRingCircus thanks, you made me laugh 😁

Agree. So she thinks it’s ok to tell someone 45 minutes before the time whether or not she was coming? You were just expected to hang around waiting?

how can an adult not know if they’re free for dinner that evening?!

is she a bit of a user?

No you’re not being unreasonable at all. She gave you a vague response and didn’t get back you, when you gave a gave a reasonable time to respond by.
She clearly thinks that other people should put their plans on hold until she decides. I’m glad you went out and left her to it. She was disrespectful and arrogant! With her passive aggressive bs I wouldn’t be making plans with her again either!

When I ask friends about meeting up and they say ‘I’ll let you know’ or ‘Maybe next month’…. I then just assume they aren’t that bothered about catching up and leave them to contact me…. I hate it when people can’t just say ‘yeah I’d love to meet up, I’ll text you later with my available dates…. Then actually do it!!
If friend had text me back and said ‘oh maybe’ I’d take that as a ‘I can’t really be arsed!’…. And I’d probably have said ‘oh don’t worry if you’re not that fussed about it, we can do another day….

when she hadn’t confirmed by 6.30 and didn’t answer her phone, I would’ve text and said ‘I’m so sorry but I can’t get hold of you and you haven’t confirmed so I’m going to have to ask someone else!…let me know when you’re free for a catch up!’

She is thoughtless and not taking responsibility!