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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband expects me to do so many out of school activities

506 replies

Flopberry · 27/06/2023 22:50

I have a 4 & 6 year old and current time table is;

monday acting class for both in our local area, an hour later my son has football out of our area and leaves a lot of hanging about as not enough time to go home.

tuesday - football for my son, meaning I’m driving home to go back out of town

Friday - tennis in local area this is fine (for both)

Saturday - football out of town and then dancing (dancing for both)

sunday - park run out of our area

I messaged him and spoke today about how I need to drop something as I’m going into my final
year of nursing and I work bank shifts too, I simply can’t cope anymore. But instead of any compassion he’s asked me to now take my son to golf lessons on Thursday evenings (6 week course) I should point out that most of these activities are on during the summer holidays.

he’s making me feel like I want my own children to miss out. Of course I don’t, I’m just so mentally drained.

so am I being unreasonable to say no the golf (not that I have much of a choice, I most likely will be forced)

OP posts:
minipie · 27/06/2023 22:52

4 & 6? That is insane.

If he wants his kids to do stupid amounts of extra curriculars he can take them himself.

Merryoldgoat · 27/06/2023 22:52

So he wants you to ensure he doesn’t have to ever look after his children?

WineIsMyMainVice · 27/06/2023 22:53

that schedule is madness!!

What do you mean you’ll be forced?!

Biscuitandacuppa · 27/06/2023 22:53

Is he unable to drive? Why exactly is he expecting you to do all of the running around? Who does all of the housework, shopping and laundry? Is that you too?

Doesn’t sound like an equal partnership at all. How will he cope if you need to work shifts when you qualify as a nurse!

ChaToilLeam · 27/06/2023 22:53

And what does he do?

Tell him NO. He doesn’t get to dictate your time. And kids need down time too.

Lacucuracha · 27/06/2023 22:55

Why isn’t he taking them at all?

allmyliesaretrue · 27/06/2023 22:55

WTF is he doing?!!! What an arse!!

TomatoSandwiches · 27/06/2023 22:55

So his reply to your plea for help at reducing your load is to guilt trip you to add more activities.

No, they are your children as well, they fit around YOU and YOUR schedule, if your husband wants the children to do XYZ then he can facilitate it himself.

Biscuitandacuppa · 27/06/2023 22:55

Also unless you are planning on raising a golf pro no 6yr old needs a course of golf lessons. Plus your kids must be absolutely knackered!

Original poster
Flopberry · 27/06/2023 22:55

His work has always come first, he only know what he’s working the day before, most days he’s back after all the after school activities so so 6.30pm onwards. I am so drained and unmotivated and feel trapped in a never ending cycle. I am doing a condensed honours degree and I’m at such a hard part of the degree.

OP posts:
TooOldForThisNonsense · 27/06/2023 22:55

Why does a 4 year old need to go to an acting class?

tell him to fuck off. Why can’t he take them? (I think I know the answer to this before it’s posted…big important job right?)

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 27/06/2023 22:55

Your poor kids. That is way too much at their ages, never mind for you.

When do they do reading? Practice spellings? And… you know… flop? Play? Get bored?

MaryShelley1818 · 27/06/2023 22:56

You are both being unreasonable to send children that young to so many activities, they must be absolutely exhausted.
When do they get to play or just relax?

Original poster
Flopberry · 27/06/2023 22:57

I agree, he tried to tell me he will get “help” from someone I don’t know much to take him to golf, but I simply don’t want my personal struggles aided and to be honest I want some evenings with my children at home in the house to have a good routine of dinner and bed / chill time!

OP posts:
MrsO3 · 27/06/2023 22:57

Get him to take your DS to golf!! Say NO!! What do you mean you'll be forced? You don't HAVE to take him. Put your foot down here OP

Original poster
Flopberry · 27/06/2023 22:57

Please note I want to drop some of it but I’m simply not allowed.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 27/06/2023 22:58

How has this happened? Why are you putting up with it?!

TooOldForThisNonsense · 27/06/2023 22:58

most days he’s back after all the after school activities so so 6.30pm onwards

how convenient

unless your 4/6 year old is the next Marcus Rashford he doesn’t need to play football 3 times a week

Lacucuracha · 27/06/2023 22:58

Why is he the boss of you? You can say no. Are you scared of him?

Original poster
Flopberry · 27/06/2023 22:58

They get all of the above but again it’s all so busy, who wants that? I certainly couldn’t cope. The relax time isn’t a lot, and hence why I want to drop some activity.

OP posts:
Mehmeh22 · 27/06/2023 22:58

You are allowed! Just cancel them? He's not forcing you in the car is he?

LaurieFairyCake · 27/06/2023 22:59

There's no such thing as 'not allowed' ConfusedHmm

You're an equal parent - you just say no and refuse

What do you fear is going to happen?

Is he abusive?

Original poster
Flopberry · 27/06/2023 22:59

He will go on and on and the guilt will be unreal. It’s awful

OP posts:
TooOldForThisNonsense · 27/06/2023 22:59

Flopberry · 27/06/2023 22:57

Please note I want to drop some of it but I’m simply not allowed.

What do you mean you’re not allowed?

Is he domineering, controlling and a bully in many other ways?

melissasummerfield · 27/06/2023 22:59

Not allowed? Just stop taking them. Its really that simple.