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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and Chinese take away

345 replies

SeaSnakes1 · 27/06/2023 18:49

We all love a Chinese take away in our house - we have three teenagers. A couple of months ago my husband had to go gluten free. Chinese take away is limited in terms of gluten free options so he’s said he’d rather not bother- fair enough his choice.

He’s now said nobody else in the house can get one as it’s cruel. He adored the Cantonese chicken balls and chicken chow mien. I thought he was joking , but he’s not. He has seriously said that it’s totally unacceptable and unfair for anyone to get a Chinese take away.

AIBU?

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 27/06/2023 19:07

Absurdly controlling and selfish. Order the takeaway or take your kids out. They shouldn't have to suffer for their dad being a complete twat.

WalkingAcrossAFord · 27/06/2023 19:08

He’s really serious and I’m not sure how he’ll respond if I do it anyway.

I find this line really disturbing and worrying.

He has absolutely NO right to dictate what you eat. Why do some people (usually men) think they can attempt to control what people/their women eat? Either having a dig at them eating too much or too little, or having a pop at one specific thing?! It's a disgrace.

I would laugh at my husband if he tried to tell me I couldn't eat something purely because HE can't eat it And he knows it. (And HE would laugh at me.) Are you both quite young @SeaSnakes1 ? Not trying to be funny, but it's just that no woman I know aged 45+ would put up with this shit.

I would be re-evaluating this relationship I'm afraid.

C1N1C · 27/06/2023 19:11

I know the feeling. My wife is gluten and lactose intolerant, and her favourite thing in the world is tiramisu. I eat it in front of her because she shouldn't dictate what I eat.

Flip side.

CuriousGeorge80 · 27/06/2023 19:11

He’s clearly being unreasonable. But also there is plenty you can eat at most Chinese restaurants that are GF. Just not battered or noodle stuff in the main. So he needs to try other stuff!

latetothefisting · 27/06/2023 19:12

It would be a bit mean to all sit around having a lovely chinese while he sat with a salad, but perfectly fine for either you to get one when he's doing something else (away with work/out with friends), or he just gets a different 'treat' meal.

Youtoldmeonce · 27/06/2023 19:12

Did he give you alcohol, soft cheese etc when you were pregnant??

Youtoldmeonce · 27/06/2023 19:13

Give up not you

DyslexicPoster · 27/06/2023 19:13

If he is serious, I'd either go to restaurant without him or LTB. Why can't he get some other takeaway that's GF? Selfish imo of him

TimeToMoveIt · 27/06/2023 19:14

He's selfish, I'd be going out to a restaurant and leaving him at home if he doesn't want to see you earing one

GoodChat · 27/06/2023 19:14

It sounds like you'll all have to eat out without him if you can't order in Wink

MrsCarson · 27/06/2023 19:15

He's being ridiculous, and self centred.
I've not been able to get Chinese take out since Coeliacs diagnosis and it was my favourite food ever.
I'm not stopping anyone else getting it. I've even picked it up for them.

TimeToMoveIt · 27/06/2023 19:15

Now I really want Chinese 😩

Tinkerbyebye · 27/06/2023 19:15

i would be saying tough luck you have what gf there is

is he going to tell you you can’t have pizza fish and chips or indeed any other food?

usernother · 27/06/2023 19:15

Just get one. What is he going to do about it?

getafringenotbotox · 27/06/2023 19:15

Can't he just call the Chinese and ask them what they have that's gluten free?

Rainbowshit · 27/06/2023 19:16

What a selfish dickhead.

My DC have severe allergies. I'd never stop my DD having an ice cream because my DS can't have one.

I've always told him that life isn't fair and there will always be occasions where he won't be able to eat what everyone else is having. And that as much as I would try to make up for it it's just the way things are.

CindersAgain · 27/06/2023 19:17

Does he never go out for the evening? That would be the perfect scenario, having it when he’s out. It does seem a bit sad for him.

ohtowinthelottery · 27/06/2023 19:17

He is being unreasonable. We were on holiday a few weeks ago with another couple. One of the couple is GF. We all wanted to go to a restaurant in China Town as we are short of decent Chinese restaurants where we live. The GF friend was happy for us to go and for them to choose from the very limited choice on the menu whilst we all had whatever we wanted.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 27/06/2023 19:17

Youtoldmeonce · 27/06/2023 19:12

Did he give you alcohol, soft cheese etc when you were pregnant??

This is a really good point.

For me it's about being told you're not allowed. That would boil my piss.

However if my dh couldn't eat something we both loved I'd only get it when he wasn't going to be there and choose something else when he was. But that would be my choice to support him because he wouldn't dream of telling me what I was and wasn't ALLOWED to eat. If he did I'd be less inclined to be supportive!

Mumoftwoinprimary · 27/06/2023 19:18

Youtoldmeonce · 27/06/2023 19:12

Did he give you alcohol, soft cheese etc when you were pregnant??

I was going to ask this.

Coffeaddict · 27/06/2023 19:18

The becky excell cook books are fantastic for fakeaways

But YANBU to continue to have it.

On a side not the crispy beef from sainsburys is naturally gf

CC2839 · 27/06/2023 19:19

YANBU. He can not control what you and your children eat because he can not eat it himself, is he going to go round telling people they can not eat certain foods (food that he is unable to eat) while he is around as it is cruel?. Surely not OP. He needs to stop being selfish, there is nothing stopping him ordering another takeaway of his choice.

EllaRaines · 27/06/2023 19:20

Let him sob whilst you eat it.

No majority should have to pander to a minority.

MissingMoominMamma · 27/06/2023 19:20

SeaSnakes1 · 27/06/2023 18:57

we have been compromising by getting different take aways e.g gluten free fish & chips and a curry but I really want a Chinese. He’s really serious and I’m not sure how he’ll respond if I do it anyway

You really want a Chinese and so does he. Can you imagine someone bringing one into the house, smelling all delicious, and you weren’t allowed any?

Have some compassion- do it when he’s out!!

whoruntheworldgirls · 27/06/2023 19:21

He is very unreasonable! It's a shame he can't eat it but he can't dictate that you are your kids can't.
Does he go out? If so can you limit the takeaway to when he's out? Not that you should have to.