Page 14 | Husband and Chinese take away

SeaSnakes1 · 2023-06-27T17:49:24+00:00

We all love a Chinese take away in our house - we have three teenagers. A couple of months ago my husband had to go gluten free. Chinese take away is limited in terms of gluten free options so he’s said he’d rather not bother- fair enough his choice. He’s now said nobody else in the house can get one as it’s cruel. He adored the Cantonese chicken balls and chicken chow mien. I thought he was joking , but he’s not. He has seriously said that it’s totally unacceptable and unfair for anyone to get a Chinese take away. AIBU?

CallieG · 29/06/2023 06:16

As long as he leaves out, batter & noodles he can have most of the menu. Chicken chowMein is stir fried chicken & vegetables, the sauce is sometimes thickened with corn starch, there are a lot of gluten free flour options. ASK the chef if they have gluten free options for the sauce.

btw, your husband is a Major AH, it’s not fair or reasonable for him to demand that every one give up their favourite foods because he can’t have some of them.

Has he been diagnosed with Coeliac Disease or does he just think it’s “Healthier “ to not have gluten ( it’s not)

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 29/06/2023 07:03

CallieG · 29/06/2023 06:16

As long as he leaves out, batter & noodles he can have most of the menu. Chicken chowMein is stir fried chicken & vegetables, the sauce is sometimes thickened with corn starch, there are a lot of gluten free flour options. ASK the chef if they have gluten free options for the sauce.

btw, your husband is a Major AH, it’s not fair or reasonable for him to demand that every one give up their favourite foods because he can’t have some of them.

Has he been diagnosed with Coeliac Disease or does he just think it’s “Healthier “ to not have gluten ( it’s not)

Soy sauce has wheat in it. That rules out 90+% of chinese foo

putthatdownsteve · 29/06/2023 07:51

Some of the replies just show how people don’t really grasp how hard it is to avoid gluten. And they forget it’s not just wheat, it’s barley and rye too. It’s everywhere.

Most things in a chinese restaurant will be contaminated because of the way it’s cooked and the environment it’s cooked in (woks wiped down, same oil used to fry everything etc).

Even restaurants who have a gluten free menu usually have disclaimers that they can’t guarantee cross contamination. So those menus are actually useless.

I’m going somewhere this weekend with a group where I have to sit out the meal as they have a gluten free menu, but after speaking to the restaurant, none of it is actually safe to eat as they use the same oil/fryers to fry every thing in same trays to cook on, no dedicated area so same chopping boards are used etc.

So it’s not always as simple as even finding a place with a gluten free menu as that might be worthless if the food isn’t cooked or prepared separately.

It’s really bloody difficult sometimes.

Dotjones · 29/06/2023 08:39

I think the husband is right but for the wrong reasons. We need to reduce our reliance on China and not using businesses that use Chinese products is one way to do this. Yes some of the ingredients will be locally sourced but others will be imported. So he's wrong in why he wants you to stop having these meals, but in the end it works out "right" overall.

phoenixrosehere · 29/06/2023 09:02

Doone21 · 28/06/2023 21:30

I doubt you are really understanding the depression he is suffering. He is now in a position where he can barely wat anything he took for granted before, even things you know don't have gluten in but then you read the packet and think wtf?
I've had coeliac disease for 10+yrs and am still struggling with how fucking miserable its made my life.
Have a little compassion for fucks sake. Instead of bitching why don't you try supporting him and learning how to make his favourites at home with gluten free ingredients.

Good grief. They just want to eat a Chinese takeaway. They eat it once every 2-3 months. It is not like they’re asking to eat it every week or even every month.

They could go out and eat without him or eat it when he’s not home. He doesn’t want them to eat it at all which is unfair and ridiculous.

OneTC · 29/06/2023 09:04

Dotjones · 29/06/2023 08:39

I think the husband is right but for the wrong reasons. We need to reduce our reliance on China and not using businesses that use Chinese products is one way to do this. Yes some of the ingredients will be locally sourced but others will be imported. So he's wrong in why he wants you to stop having these meals, but in the end it works out "right" overall.

Good lord

MisschiefMaker · 29/06/2023 09:04

He doesn’t go out at all, he’s not well enough.

Oh come on. You are so clearly being unreasonable I can't believe you actually wrote that you are the most compassionate person out there

He's not even got his flare under control.

He's actively in pain, dealing with a new diagnosis, probably wondering whether he'll get ever feel better, and struggling to give up his favourite foods.

It will get better for him in time. He'll learn more about gf options, he'll start to enjoy them, and crucially he'll start to feel better.

But right now it's hard, probably the hardest part because he's in that time where there are a lot of unknowns. Yet you cant possibly hold off on your takeaway to be supportive.

Get the takeaway. You have the right to choose what you eat after all. but don't delude yourself that you're being compassionate. It is selfish.

Btw - tempting someone with an IBS flare with cake is not kind. Gluten free or not it's bad for IBS due to sugar.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/06/2023 09:08

Dotjones · 29/06/2023 08:39

I think the husband is right but for the wrong reasons. We need to reduce our reliance on China and not using businesses that use Chinese products is one way to do this. Yes some of the ingredients will be locally sourced but others will be imported. So he's wrong in why he wants you to stop having these meals, but in the end it works out "right" overall.

Oh, for goodness sake. It's a takeaway somewhere in suburbia, just as likely run by somebody whose parents were born here, not the entire Chinese Manufacturing and Supply chain.

Him throwing a strop because he's never had to bother his pretty little head about cooking before (as he had a wife and takeaway menus for that) does absolutely fuck all to counteract the market.

Yours sincerely, a grumpy coeliac who clearly has a greater appreciation that sometimes, it's Not All About You. (The You being the tantrummer).

Codlingmoths · 29/06/2023 09:12

Doone21 · 28/06/2023 21:30

I doubt you are really understanding the depression he is suffering. He is now in a position where he can barely wat anything he took for granted before, even things you know don't have gluten in but then you read the packet and think wtf?
I've had coeliac disease for 10+yrs and am still struggling with how fucking miserable its made my life.
Have a little compassion for fucks sake. Instead of bitching why don't you try supporting him and learning how to make his favourites at home with gluten free ingredients.

I have coeliac friends. We just went away on a holiday with several families including a coeliac and a gluten free. Zero issues, zero assholery.

Codlingmoths · 29/06/2023 09:13

Dotjones · 29/06/2023 08:39

I think the husband is right but for the wrong reasons. We need to reduce our reliance on China and not using businesses that use Chinese products is one way to do this. Yes some of the ingredients will be locally sourced but others will be imported. So he's wrong in why he wants you to stop having these meals, but in the end it works out "right" overall.

Hahaaa no really you’re serious? Bahhahaa 🤣🤣

babbscrabbs · 29/06/2023 09:43

What's your DH's diet like?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 29/06/2023 13:36

with a group where I have to sit out the meal as they have a gluten free menu, but after speaking to the restaurant, none of it is actually safe to eat

And the group didn't change the restaurant? You need better friends.

glasgowlass · 29/06/2023 16:02

I'm coeliac & I think he is being very selfish by dictating what others in house can/can't eat.

Ask the staff at your local takeaway what dishes can be made GF. If he's not happy with that then just go ahead & get your takeaway, it's not your fault he's GF & is acting like a toddler.

putthatdownsteve · 29/06/2023 16:16

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 29/06/2023 13:36

with a group where I have to sit out the meal as they have a gluten free menu, but after speaking to the restaurant, none of it is actually safe to eat

And the group didn't change the restaurant? You need better friends.

It’s a group I don’t know, new friends birthday with her friends. It’s really not a big deal, as a coeliac, I am used to it.

Ourladycheesusedatum · 29/06/2023 18:19

Doone21 · 28/06/2023 21:30

I doubt you are really understanding the depression he is suffering. He is now in a position where he can barely wat anything he took for granted before, even things you know don't have gluten in but then you read the packet and think wtf?
I've had coeliac disease for 10+yrs and am still struggling with how fucking miserable its made my life.
Have a little compassion for fucks sake. Instead of bitching why don't you try supporting him and learning how to make his favourites at home with gluten free ingredients.

Wtf.

How about the man himself sorts out how to make gf food?

Still waiting to hear if said man gave up any foodstuffs while his wife was pregnant 3 times. If he did, he might have a point, if he didnt then sorry. Thems apparently the rules.

And if you are still miserable after 10+ years, maybe it's time you went to therapy.
And as strange as that seems, I mean it kindly. Reframe it or do whatever you need to stop feeling miserable over things you can no longer eat.

I get it, there are things now I can never eat again, but I dont impose that on everyone around me. And after the first 9 months or so I got over myself.

notapizzaeater · 29/06/2023 22:33

Has he asked on FB ? We have two Chinese takeaways in Huddersfield that do GF so we always go to one of these

MsRosley · 30/06/2023 08:29

MercurialMargot · 28/06/2023 19:58

Did he drink while you were pregnant?

I'm allergic to nuts and am the one who does the food shop and prep. My husband and kids get to have Nutella and snacking nuts. My limitation should not and does not extend to them.

Good point re pregnancy

GoodChat · 30/06/2023 08:43

Good point re pregnancy

It's not though. You go into pregnancy knowing what the impact on your life is going to be and make a conscious decision to make the necessary changes.

He didn't get a choice.

MisschiefMaker · 30/06/2023 09:03

GoodChat · 30/06/2023 08:43

Good point re pregnancy

It's not though. You go into pregnancy knowing what the impact on your life is going to be and make a conscious decision to make the necessary changes.

He didn't get a choice.

Agree. It's not a fair comparison at all. Plus, pregnancy is a happy time and more importantly giving up food is temporary.

Hardly comparable to being so sick he can't leave the house with an illness he'll have for the rest of his life and which can only potentially be managed by giving up a food which to most people is a staple part of their diet.

I wonder what decision the OP made anyway? she started the thread on Tuesday..

TiredManDad · 06/07/2023 09:39

It staggers me the lack of resilience in today's society. Yes it's rubbish he has an illness that prevents him from eating a lot of food he used to love and if he does he gets extremely ill, but blimey - there are people in the world much worse off and he really does not need the rest of the family to go on 'sympathy' hunger strike to help him through.

Yes it's rubbish, yes I'm sympathetic but he needs to stop being a wet lettuce, let his wife and kids eat and enjoy the food they enjoy and find something that he likes that can also be a treat. Speaking from a perspective of someone with a GF member of the household, brownies baked with almonds instead of flour are amazing :-) there are still loads of treat things he can have without having to do the woe me every time someone he loves fancies a 3 in 1 box on just eat.